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16 year old moves to mothers and want everything from here

(16 Posts)
roselawlor Sat 26-Mar-16 19:26:24

ok well this is a long story but lets start by iv been her step mom for 12 years, in July of last year she chose to move in with us do to money problems with her mother. we built her her own room so she didnt have to share with her sister (my daughter) we payed for her driving course, bought her 400$ glasses, bought her 1000$ of clothes spent over 500$ on her room decor. now she gets kicked out of school steals lies again and again, we have very strict ruels her. do to the fact of how she was acting. now she has chosen to move back to her mothers were she can do what ever she wants, but heres the thing, we let her take ALL her stuff clothes cameras tablets ps3. ect. but no she wants everything, duve, blankets, tapestries, desk, chair posters. she even tried to come and steal it all when we were gone. her mother cant buy her these things bec of money issues. we feel as if we have been played and used only for her to get the things she wanted. When im the one who bought her all this. we have told her that the stuff was bough for her bedroom here. and it stays, now she say she will speak to a lawyer so she can have it all. i dont know what to do. i feel as if this just might break me. anyone please give me some advice. iv given this girl everythng and now i feel sooo used and fed up. i have taken it all back and put it in my room, but she is comming ith lawyers, what will they say? give it all to her? or have her mother buy her own blanket and furneture?

Sunshine87 Sat 26-Mar-16 19:30:07

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imeatingthechocolate Sat 26-Mar-16 19:31:46

is she coming over to stay when things settle down? im assuming she had a bed at her moms house when she left and her mom wanted her to use it when she visits?

self represent in court if you have to tell them you wish the room to be hers for when she visits she will need somewhere to sleep etc etc i cant see a judge forcing you to give up furniture you paid for when her own mother should be providing it for her

Bluelilies Sat 26-Mar-16 19:34:21

I would say the furniture is yours and belongs in your house.

The rest of the stuff is hers and she can take it between houses as she chooses.

Can you come to some compromise where she spends time with both you and get mum?

KissingFish Sat 26-Mar-16 19:35:07

A 16 year old isn't going to get a lawyer to ask for some bedding back. Tell her it is for when she stays over and she can't have it .

roselawlor Sat 26-Mar-16 19:36:18

all i have done is give to this girl, now iv had it, all i have taken was a blanket i am now using, that i have paid for

imeatingthechocolate Sat 26-Mar-16 19:36:23

furniture stays personal stuff goes i couldn't even take my own bed set when i moved out of my mom's at 18 it was my own birthday present she gave most of it to my sister and my dad in the end i got my bureaux back but that was all

and yes she kept my bedding too

roselawlor Sat 26-Mar-16 19:48:13

Bluelilies at this moment she dosent want to come here anymore, she wants everything from her room to go to her mothers place, she has been very rude to all of us here, we have to even change our door lock bec she tried to come when we were gone to take things. due to the fact on how bad she is treating us i feel as her bad behavior shouldn't be praised. at some point there has to be enough give. and i believe now is the time.

Arfarfanarf Sat 26-Mar-16 19:56:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YakTriangle Sat 26-Mar-16 19:59:47

Furniture from your home, even if it's in her bedroom, is not hers to take. Actual possessions, fair enough, furniture no.

Wdigin2this Sun 27-Mar-16 09:15:03

Oh for goodness sake, what a little charmer!! Just tell her she is NOT having the furniture and bedding etc from the room in YOUR HOUSE!
She's not going to get a solicitpr to take her seriously, so don't worry about it!
I'm assuming you're not in the UK, so maybe your social services systems work differently, but check with them anyway, to advise them of what's happened...just in case her DM gives them a skewed version of events!

amarmai Mon 28-Mar-16 12:14:03

She has no right to the furnishings that you have paid for. She cannot come into your home with lawyers or anyone else. what is her father saying and doing about his d's behaviour? You need the furnishings for your guest bedroom- who knows she may try to come back and try to get more $$ out of you.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Tue 29-Mar-16 01:35:17

You must feel quite used. She sounds so young and naive about things, she has effectively burnt her bridges with you yet will probably need you both in the future. Stand up to her, tell her that she's hurt your feelings. Say that it isn't the money so much as the feeling of being used and that you cared about her. Maybe one day she'll reflect on it.

VimFuego101 Tue 29-Mar-16 01:41:22

When DSD moved to her mother's she took most of the stuff in her room, but furniture stayed. Her mother asked for the bed, but we said no, otherwise DSD would have had nowhere to sleep when she visited. It was a really tough time for us, I hope you're OK rose.

Spandexpants007 Tue 29-Mar-16 02:15:45

It's fine for her to take decorative things, posters but the duvet desk and blanket are classed as household furniture/linen. However if she doesn't have a duvet at her mums, I would give it to her.

Seems like you've spent a lot if cash on her. Have you spent a lot of time with her too. That's more important

catkind Tue 29-Mar-16 02:36:27

She's bluffing about lawyers, don't worry about that. Of course her mother should provide furniture.
She's been very badly behaved, both to you and at school.
On the other hand, she's a child. Your DP/DH is still her dad, and I wouldn't close the door to her (except in the literal sense, I can see you wouldn't want her with a key). It doesn't sound like the situation with mum is very stable - no furniture and no controls over her behaviour.
I wonder if your DP could help by providing her with an allowance directly to her own account. If not already doing. It sounds like her mother is either very badly off or badly mismanaging money. If she had her own independent income, not conditional on having to live with dad, perhaps she would be less likely to manipulate people to get what she wants. Perhaps that's a nuts idea, I don't know, don't have teens. It feels to me that this girl may need a bit of unconditional parenting. She's screwed up big time.
A member of my family did similar as a teen. Very very similar. Like your SD she was allowed to do exactly as she liked with her mum (and also not properly cared for), and wasn't prepared to accept the boundaries that came with a more stable home. Very sad. She was off the rails and her mum had no interest in helping her.
You can't make her accept help to get turned around but if I was her dad I'd be wanting to keep it on offer.

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