I wrote this because I had been reading through the comments of other people's posts and the horrible comments from people who are not step parents was quite frankly awful.
I was in a bit of a stretch with my DC and their biological mother (yes she is their biological mother as SHE left them, didn't look back for years hasn't shown up for her court ordered visits for two years, never sent cards etc etc l and I didn't feel like I could say anything without having a huge backlash about how I can't say XYZ and how I can never be their mother because I didn't carry them - they are my children full stop I wanted to talk to people about it and felt I couldn't because of how people treat mums who didn't give birth to their children as the OW. People do indeed make the assumption immediately and think that "mothers" can't do anything wrong Nothing is black and white and i find the comments from some people who are not step parents, who do not understand the full situation repugnant at best.
So my post was somewhat written in frustration and I didn't word it entirely correctly. I am currently going through a very tough time as you can see from my above comment and felt if step-mums and dads could come on here and feel safe to discuss things maybe just maybe it could be much more productive and helpful for the important people in this situation, which I think we will agree is the children.
I am just tired of seeing so much hatred on here when nice people are genuinely looking for help and advise, and sadly individuals and to be fair it is normally mothers who have children who have step mothers project their view, quite aggressively on good StepMums who are trying their bloody hardest. It's not easy it's difficult.
So in answer to one question, Is it appropriate of parents who have children who have step-parents to comment. In my view not if its to put down the OP, if its to help and advise then I think that's a very helpful thing sadly what I have seen this is not the case.
I myself am a child of a mum who remarried, and have had two step parents in my life as my mums second husband and father of my brother was as useless as my father - my Dad (actually stepfather) was a wonderful man I miss him greatly and was a brilliant role model and helped me hugely when I became a "step-parent" I am a mother of two, trying very hard for a third sadly they just won't stay at the moment so comments like "you didn't carry them in your womb" are extremely rude, hurtful and unhelpful. I am no less of a mum because I didn't carry my children, their "mother" never held them when they were sad or helped them with homework or blew out birthday cake candles. I have done all this and much much more that makes me their mother not her.
I personally did not steal my DP (no not married but we live together - which answers another question, also find that being accused of being "the OW" from a poster just goes to show that what people assumed) from the second I met my "step-children" I loved them (the same as with each of my pregnancies the second I had a positive test I loved my babies) my love has change and grown in different ways for them as I watch them grow but I expect this happens to all parents as tiny babies grow into wonderful (mostly) human beings
Anyway, it was a question because I want somewhere for stepmums to feel safe to talk openly and sadly this it would appear is not it