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Family Gatherings with or without

(6 Posts)
fiveplustwo Mon 07-Mar-16 19:31:15

When I married 13 yrs ago, I moved from my home to my DH's home 2 hrs away. I had 3 of my 5 children with me. We moved in with my DH's 2 children. Within 6 mos, his children moved out to be with their Mom. My DSD, now 27, still feels uncomfortable coming to her "former" home for "family gatherings". should we forget doing the "family gatherings' altogether on certain Holidays and just do seperate no-one continues to feel uncomfortable, although all the kids are now past 21..
Any suggestions, otherwise ??

Bananasinpyjamas1 Mon 07-Mar-16 19:49:40

They have to get over that 'uncomfortable' thing, it isn't easy accepting or changing, but that is your and DPs home, and as adults they need to meet you both half way, ie just come round!
Are the other particular reasons for this?
Why did thry move out after 6 months?
Tbh unless you and DP treated them unfairly, they have to start making an effort or lose their relationship with their Dad.

fiveplustwo Mon 07-Mar-16 20:07:24

Thank You Bananasinpyjamas1 ! My DSD was not happy with me. I was totally NEW at stepparenting and thought we would all become "Yours, Mine and Ours"....but we had a different lifestyle, and my DSD was just 14-15 and very Gothic (paint her room Black kind of thinking) and she chose to move out and her younger brother decided he wanted to be with her (naturally so). I basically failed my 1st test as a stepparent with flying colors. Since then, I have tried to "heal" the wounds... although one recently opened with her Dad...since he didn't want to attend a birthday party for his 6yr old grandaughter at Residence of his Ex-MIL and Ex-Wife... Terrible words and accusations which time I learned of her "Discomfort" with our Family gatherings.

Wdigin2this Mon 07-Mar-16 22:33:17

All our DC were grown before we got together, but over the years we've found it easier and less stressful if we celebrate things like Christmas and our birthdays etc separately. We tried for a few years to 'blend' them all, but it just didn't work...they are all different, and seem to need different things from us, and now that partners and DGC have come along its usually logistically difficult we've all accepted that's how things are!

fiveplustwo Tue 08-Mar-16 02:29:12

Thank you Wdigin2this!

Bluelilies Tue 08-Mar-16 09:38:36

Ours are mostly still at home, but we've faced similar issues with extended family gatherings, which we rarely attend altogether.

I'd be inclined to go with separate gatherings with different combinations of people that work for all involved. No reason to force the "one big happy family" thing if it doesn't work. You can all enjoy each other's company in whatever configurations work for you all. At the end of the day if it's your event - ie your birthday or something, then invite the people you'd like to be there and make it clear DSD is invited, but that it's absolutely fine if she'd prefer not to come and to maybe come over to spend some time together with you on a different day.

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