If I could do it all again...(5 Posts)
I would find a man without kids.
It's just to hard, and when you think you've got over one hurdle there's another.
It's thankless and I'm always in the wrong. I've been a SM for 7 years and it's not getting better. I can't do right for doing wrong.
And now DH ( A.k.a. Jekyll & Hyde Eow) is being super secretive over his phone. We've never been like that...he's a bit drunk and says it's because he's trying to protect certain situations...he won't tell me what but I think it's basically anything to do his ex and texts.
I really don't understand this as I've never gotten involved and if anything I've stood up for her when he's been slack in letting her know arrangements (out of normal contact scheduled)!
I've put up with so much, I really thought we were gonna be ok. I can get over all the terrible things he's done, but I can't be in a relationship without trust.
Really gonna have to think this one over. We have a mortgage and ds (2.5) so it's a tough one..... Ugh, I becoming one of those posters.
Okay so being a SM is hard, no doubt about it. But the secretive phone hiding doesn't seem linked at all. Is there something else going on here?
So would I and all ours were grown when we met, so never had the EOW visiting thing....but still!
I tried to be superwoman and blend our two families, but for various reasons, it never quite worked! So, I disengaged, perfectly polite and interested in hearing about their various ups and downs, but making it obvious that unless I could offer practical (not monetary) help, then it was all down to their DF!
I so understand the J&H reference, my DH becomes like Santa, the Easter Bunney and the bloody Tooth Fairy, all rolled into one when his DC and DGC arrive for a visit, but I wind him about it calling him a DisneyDad, which he takes in good part! And to be truthful, he'd be as generous to my family too....if they would let him, but their very big on independence, which is a concept totally alien to one of his DC!
However, the secretive phone thing is another matter, and when he's sober again, I think I'd come straight out with....what situations are you trying to protect, and why are you being secretive about your phone! And if there's been a catalogue of stuff he's done to hurt/upset you, tell him how you feel about that too. This is a time for straight talking, the answers he does or doesn't give will make your future clearer for you, and if you decide (as a last resort) not to be with him anymore, you will find help to make the break in many places! Good luck!
I would still be with DH if I did it again. DSS is a pain and life is tough with him around, but I think DH has a hard time from my kids too.
DH will be secretive with stuff to do with DSS and his ex, it is usually to do with money. I used to ask, then get cross and even though I was on his side we would get grumpy with each other. Now I just let them get on with it and I am there to support DH when he needs it. He is getting a lot better at not being so Disney.
It is obviously getting to you today, I would let it go.
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