Things getting worse

(7 Posts)
fubar74 Sat 20-Feb-16 12:35:09

A couple of years back i posted because my step-son had come to us at 16 but was abusive. since then me and my Husband had suffered a lot of damage to our marriage as he didn't seem to now what to do so distanced himself from us all. 2 years on DSS now has child of his own, thinking that maybe we could all get along how wrong could I have been? his ability to be very nasty to everyone other than his Dad has made all relationships in the family very difficult, none more so than mine with DSS. I asked him not to be so nasty and was met with a threat being made on my life (on facebook) and the only reason I didn't call the police as because of my relationship with my Husband, I thought not pursuing it let him see I'm not vindictive.

Hoping that his Granddaughter would be the one who could mend our broken relationship as he is totally emotionally distant.

on her 1st birthday he asked if I was coming to see her at DSS's house and I said no of course not, how could he even ask since I was told if I ever showed my face at his door he would shoot me in the face! this was met with " well you're the one excluding yourself" yet he makes no attempt to have his Granddaughter or let me see her, it's like I'm being punished for his Son's behaviour yet I wasn't the one bringing him up I never knew the kid. I have even asked him if he is scared of his Son which of course he says no but I am not so sure.

It's like he blames me for everything but won't do anything to solve the issues, I can't even talk to him anymore because he just turns everything around on me and makes me upset then thats emotional blackmail to him. I've really given up hope with my relationship, I'm severely depressed and can't cope anymore, I really thought he would've wanted us to bond with the little girl but it's like he's the one making sure neither of us do.

fubar74 Sat 20-Feb-16 13:22:32

sorry im not just ranting i seriously need some advice on how to engage him in a life with me and his Granddaughter, he brought her to see me only once at 6pm because we'd argued about not seeing her, but it was not a happy visit and I don't want that to happen again

HeddaGarbled Sat 20-Feb-16 13:35:53

I think you need to accept that you will not be having a relationship with the little girl without having a relationship with her father. Not unless you get on well with the little girl's mother and can see them when your stepson isn't around.

Your partner has allowed his son to treat you appallingly and doesn't seem to be treating you much better himself.

Do you think you would be happier out of this relationship altogether?

ImperialBlether Sat 20-Feb-16 13:50:21

Why on earth are you staying with this man? He sounds awful and his son - well, his son needs locking up.

What are your reasons for staying?

Wdigin2this Sat 20-Feb-16 15:17:05

I imagine, if you allow yourself to think about leaving you probably get into a panic. But truly, what are you getting out of this relationship at the minute....sounds like very little!

I think the problems with your DSS and his child are the least of your worries, the fact that your husband has allowed this situation to fester and for you to be threatened by his son, is what should be concerning you most!

fubar74 Sun 21-Feb-16 10:33:12

I replied yesterday but my phone was playing up and it didn't post so sorry for the late one.

I love my Husband, I loved the way he used to be with me, I've known him since we were babies, grew up a street apart, but I know that person is long gone, I used to be able to tell him anything, say anything to him but now I'm scared of telling him how I feel because I know he will just grow it back in my face, I really hoped that having the baby sometimes as grandparents do would do us some good but it's never happened he goes about life like she doesn't exist, he generally doesn't see his son unless he has to, and I do think that if we didn't live together he wouldn't care about me much either, or is that just me? he never really does anything nice for me, if im ill he turns the other way its like hes here but not here

Wdigin2this Sun 21-Feb-16 13:00:41

Fubar.....sadly I think you've answered your own question!

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