this is ao silly but it annoys me...(105 Posts)
This is so silly and I know I need to grow up but I can t help that it annoys me. I was sitting next to my do for ages tonight then I got up for like 20 seconds to let the dog out and and dps son jumps to my seat cuddles in to his dad with no intention of moving. I'm annoyed because dp thinks this was cute. I find it rude. I feel dp should have said you'll need to move once 'never' comes back.
I know it's silly. Its what kids do. There was just no need and it just makes me feel a bit pushed out I suppose. Oh well shower and early night for me. I can't be bothered trying to explain to dp for the hundredth time that I feel his son is rude towards me and makes me feel unwelcome.
How often is the boy there? I don't think it's bad he wants t cuddle his dad
It's not bad he wants to cuddle his dad. I didn't say it was. It's just as soon as I move he's in my space. We were all watching a film and to me there was just no need - there was no intention of moving back or dp moving so I could get my space back. I know it's silly .That's why I'm on here getting it off my chest. It's just one of the many things that happens with his son when they come over. He will steal my chair when I move, say something really cheeky thinking he is funny, he's moody with me when I ask him to do something, refers to me as 'her/she' constantly. Dp does nothing.
SC dont usually like sharing there parents with anybody who isnt there mum or dad, let him have a cuddle then sit back in your seat when hes in bed.
It's more the fact dp doesn't address the behaviour. He is only 9. His sister is 12. We have issues with their mum and almost convinced she winds them up before they come over. Can't prove it but the Friday night's are usually the worst .
I could but it's just that dp and his son are laughing about it and clearly do t see the issue. (Which I realise isn't even an issue I'm just being petty) Thinking it's funny and I'm just finding it rude. I'm just annoyed at it. Dp could have moved. It when I came back through at least shifted dss so I could I have the seat back. Where my drink was, where my phone was, where my house coat was. It's cool I'll just move to accommodate everyone else. Again.
I would prob not sit next to DP that often when kids are around as the kids prob want to sit next to him anyway as the miss him. I wouldn't assume I need to be right next DP all the time when I'm with him the rest of the time.
He's 9. He loves his dad and vice versa - can't you just indulged them their time together? I really feel for kids from broken families, must be pretty insecure.... How would you feel if it was your own DS acting that way with their DF? It's a tad unseemly to be jealous of an insecure 9 year old and although I kind of understand try to be there grown up and not to let it affect your relationship... Easier said than done I'm sure but you can't win any other way!
That does sound annoying. If my DSS did that then it would irritate me. However, I do think that it's something you need to pick your battles over. It will pass, and he is probably just looking for some reassurance, and if it gets turned into a power struggle then you will be the bad guy.
It can be difficult living in close proximity for step parents/children. It got easier for me when I started just getting some space for a little while if I find myself getting annoyed by little things which I know wouldn't bother me if it were my own child (this would probably be one of them, to be honest, I would find it cute if our DS together ran in for a sneaky Daddy cuddle).
Sorry, I'm pretty strict but this isn't rude or bad behaviour.
He's 9 yo he only sees his Dad occasionally. He wants a cuddle.
You presumably have him yourself the rest of the week.
You aren't in competition with this child. He's always going to come before you in his Dad's heart.
He isn't doing it to be rude to you, he's just a kid who has a limited amount of time with his dad, and when he is there, he has to compete against you for attention. It's no wonder that he jumps at every opportunity he spots to snuggle up next to him.
You are a grown up and you get plenty of time with your DP. When the kids are there, give them some space and time with their dad.
I understand why you're annoyed, I would be too. If I were you I'd just preempt it by not sitting next to dp when his ds is around. Allow them space, distance yourself a bit and then ds won't feel the need to nick your seat or be cheeky to you.
Your dp may even notice that he's not the centre of attention any more and realise that his DS's behaviour has pushed you away from him a bit, so if he cares about you he will redress the balance by making sure he is more attentive when his ds isn't there.
He's 9. And you're how old? Honestly op it's not a good look being so put out over this. I feel sorry for these children.
The referring to you as 'she' and having an attitude with you is another issue though, that's just rudeness. I think you need to talk to your DP about tackling that (gently) before worrying about this, which you say you know is just a petty issue.
I do totally agree it's silly and stupid. Its just annoyed me a bit. I'm not going to fall out over the kid wanting a cuddle from his dad. It's more the way it's done.
Anyway I totally take on board not sitting with dp when kids are around. I usually tend to stay out the road generally now as its just not worth the feelings I get over stupid stuff. But dp sat with me so should I be getting up and moving.
Like I say I know it's silly. I'm not competing with children for my dps attention.
Thanks for your suggestions how to deal with this though. Xx
Why don't you let the child sit next to his father in the first place?? That would be the adult thing to do.
you mention Friday nights are an issue - can I politely suggest that you research transition (before blaming his mum). Transition is very interesting - it suggests that children have to mentally withdraw themselves from one location and get used to being in another. I used to have terrible times with my DS on a Thursday night/fri morning before he went to his dads for the weekend. He loves his dad, I never stopped him going, yet....I found my DS was rude, withdrawn, quiet - almost shutting down. It must take enormous energy to transition. My DS was the same on a Monday night after the weekend. So now I know the signs, and, yours may be different, I let my DS have the time and space he needs to transition. It is a sad consequence of a child from 2 homes.
Never, that's an idea actually, if your dp sits with you get up and move before you're ousted! I don't see why you should have to put up with having your seat nicked the minute you stand up, so jump before you're pushed. Maybe then your dp will get the message that his ds needs to be a bit more respectful of you in your own home.
All those saying grow up, op has admitted it is petty and said herself that she needs to grow up, she doesn't make a fuss in front of DSs, so is having a little rant on here.
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