first 'love you' tonight :)

[chocoraisin]

After my crappy post the other day I thought I'd post a nice one. DP and I had a real clear the air chat about a lot of stuff on thursday and we're on much better terms re: money and expectations. I'm sleeping much better so that has also helped a great deal.

Then tonight, just to seal the deal with it all looking up, DSD (8) just said goodnight, gave me a hug and said 'love you' before going off to bed. For the first time, unprompted :) I feel all lovely. There are good bit in this step parenting lark

[MiddleClassProblem]

That's so lovely. I never saw your other post but I'm sure this one was way better.

[BackInTheRealWorld]

Aaaaaaaw, that made me well up. Those little words mean so much, especially when they are so hard earned. Pleased for you.

[chocoraisin]

thank you :) it does feel hard earned and I am so glad she felt able to say it. I have a way to go with DSS but I feel like at least I'm half way there!!

[chocoraisin]

Obviously I said it back! And meant it X

[FaithLoveandHope]

Aww that is so cute!! I'm still holding back on saying love you to my DSD as I'd rather if she's going to say it it comes completely from her, but even just reaching out for hugs makes me beam inside. I bet you're well chuffed she said that

[FaithLoveandHope]

I meant her reaching out for hugs :)

[WSM123]

what happens when you cant say it back ??

[Wdigin2this]

Well, WSM....that's a whole different ball game!
Presumably you're saying that, in the same circs, you would not feel comfortable saying 'I love you' back? Well if you don't, you don't!! I've never said it to my (grown) DC either, because although I'm used to them and generally get along with them, for various different reasons, I can't say I love them...because I don't!

[chocoraisin]

ooh WSM I don't know. My SDC are so small, I think I'd just say it even if I didn't. Act as if and all that... I think I would just focus on the fact they do, and as v small children, that matters most? I guess it depends on how old your SDC are and what your reasons are, what the relationship is like etc... I hope you're alright?

[WSM123]

Thanks guys, correct Wdigin, I just don't love them because they aren't mine. I like them most of the time, and tolerate them the rest of the time. I know for a fact the older will never say it because he has been told not to (even his dad struggles to get it out of him on the phone when his mum is listening) and the younger one has speech difficulty so unlikely to be an issue there for a long time yet

[Wdigin2this]

WSM, I know what you mean by 'sometimes quite like them, mostly tolerate them!' Mine were adults (well, late teens) when I met them, and I've never lived with them....so it never developed to that stage. Especially one of them who seems to think DF is still financially responsible for their every need!!!

[AnneLovesGilbert]

That's lovely choco. I waited until my DSC said it, especially as they'd told me I wasn't allowed to say I loved them due to "not being in their real family" - thanks their mum... So I said "lots of love" when I kissed them goodnight, which they were comfortable with, not I love you.

And then it just started happening, first in a card from DSD "To Anne, I love you". And then a while later a note that said "To Anne, I like you and I love you"!

We don't say it that often but especially when they're arriving or leaving, or when they're very sleepy, they tend to say they love me, or that they love Daddy and me, and it makes the difficult moments a lot easier.

[chocoraisin]

It does make the tough stuff easier Anne you're right. My DC were 18m and 3.5 when I met DP, his were 2 and 6 so we have the benefit of them not really remembering any different now. They have a fairly typical sibling style relationship when all together, which makes the family dynamic occasionally easier and occasionally harder with such close gaps in age! But the affection does make it much easier all round.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

I don't have any of my own so it's all new to me and I'm constantly making stuff up as I go along! Thankfully DP says he feels the same so at least we're on the same page.

Must be a whole other ball game bring two lots of DC together. I can't imagine but have endless admiration for those of you who do it.

Do your DC and DSC think they love each other?

[SerafinaScoresby]

lovely to hear that chocoraisin. I was over the moon the first time DSD told me she loves me. It was such a breakthrough, I know the exact date of it back in 2012! Still have the diary where I wrote it down as well. We had such a hard time of it with her telling all the awful stuff her mum was saying about me and her feeling guilty for the fun we had and acting out. We went through so much hurt, the first 'I love you' was like winning gold!