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Wwyd regarding son's birthday?

(15 Posts)
CantWaitforWarmWeather Sat 16-Jan-16 11:14:17

It's my little boy's 1st birthday next week, and it falls on a day when dsd isn't usually here. I've made plans to have a little get together with my family when my older 2 have finished school. Nothing major- just the cake, a few bits of buffet food, present opening, playing. Not a party as such but it will be nice to get together for ds's birthday.
DP is working that day so he won't be there unfortunately. I asked him if dsd will be with us that day and he said no, so a bit surprised I said ok.
I've just been thinking though, I feel a bit uncomfortable celebrating her baby brother's birthday without her. She doesn't live far away and I was thinking of asking DP to ask his ex if it would be ok for her to come for a few hours and then go back to her mum's if needs be.

Am I interfering a bit though? On any usual day I wouldn't offer to have her on my own on extra days, but she adores her baby brother and I know she will probably feel a bit upset if she realises she could have celebrated his birthday and didn't get the chance to.
She is with us the morning of his birthday, only because her mum will have already let us have her the night before when she would normally be at her mum's. That's why I feel like I'm interfering in her time with her daughter.


ElliesPhotography Sat 16-Jan-16 11:19:34

Wouldn't it be easier if she slept at her mums as planned and then you ask the mom to leave her to come for couple of hours in the afternoon for the celebration? if you offered you will pick up and drop off?

CantWaitforWarmWeather Sat 16-Jan-16 11:22:13

I think DP wants her to stay the night before so he gets to see his children all together in the morning before he goes to work. I don't know if that's him being a bit precious or not, but I think I'd probably feel the same.
I would pick her up and drop off.

CantWaitforWarmWeather Sat 16-Jan-16 11:27:41

Her mum did say the other day that he could have her the night before OR after school. He picked the night before, so asking to have her both times she might feel like he's taking the mick, especially if he isn't going to be there.

Wdigin2this Sat 16-Jan-16 11:28:41

Go ahead and ask!

CantWaitforWarmWeather Sat 16-Jan-16 11:39:44

Yeah I will. No harm in asking is there?
If she says no, then she can't really then have a go for not including dsd.

Wdigin2this Sat 16-Jan-16 11:44:33


lookluv Sat 16-Jan-16 15:50:29

Op go ahead and ask - I think you are being extremely thoughtful and considering all the DCs in the equation.

My 2 have been completely excluded from their new siblings 2 birthdays ( on purpose - it is alleged her parent organised the parties and the step DCS not welcome!!) and they know it and get upset.

Wish you were my DCs SM!

3phase Sat 16-Jan-16 16:49:26

It would be an immediate yes from us if DSD's Mum asked that question and and the same from her if we asked. It's a no brainer. Of course she should be there unless she has something really important to do.

CantWaitforWarmWeather Sat 16-Jan-16 17:19:27

lookluv That's not nice at all of them. Dsd is always welcome at my parent's and they'd be very surprised if Dsd doesn't get to come to ds's birthday celebration. I think they are expecting her to be there tbh.

yankeecandle4 Sat 16-Jan-16 19:17:27

OP no advice but you sound lovely!

CantWaitforWarmWeather Sat 16-Jan-16 19:24:33

Well DP has asked his ex and she said dsd can come after school but if that's the case she wants Dsd to stay with her the night before instead.

DP is thinking on it at the moment.

Bluelilies Sat 16-Jan-16 21:22:03

My DC have often gone round just for a couple of hours to their dad's for their little brother's birthday in similar circumstances. I don't think you need to see it as a change contact times, just inviting her round like the rest of the family to celebrate.

My DSC have sometimes come round after school for cake when it's my own DC's birthday, but other times it's not been practical so they've missed it. Didn't seem too big a deal, but definitely nice to ask

Emeralda Sat 16-Jan-16 22:22:02

Definitely worth asking, OP, especially as it's his first birthday - it sets a nice precedent for the future. If it doesn't work out as planned, try not to take it personally, on your own or your DS' s behalf. We invited DSD to DS' s 2nd birthday recently and we were told no, she doesn't want to come. Rationally, I found that hard to believe as I know DSD adores DS, but I couldn't help feeling hurt by it. Navigating the choppy waters of step-families can be tricky but you've done the right thing, whatever happens.

swingofthings Sun 17-Jan-16 16:14:22

Can she stay long enough afterwards so DP can see her? What would she prefer? I expect to be there after school rather than the day before and morning, so really, your OH should agree to it on her behalf rather than his.

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