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Anyone else have a teenage stepson/ daughter who winds your much younger dc up?

(9 Posts)
SlinkyB Fri 15-Jan-16 21:00:05

My dss was 16 last Nov, and comes EOW. He has done this since his parents separated when he was 5. I've been his StepMum since he was 9.

My eldest son is almost 5, and I've noticed that on the weekends when his teenage brother is here, he gets super hyper. It used to be cute excitement, but for a few months now he gets over excited and the boys end up fighting (I mean physically fighting sad ) I get really frustrated as he's usually a good lad. I also get annoyed because I think at 16 dss should know better than to wind him up so much, and we're constantly telling him to grow up and not hit/kick his little brother, just walk away or tell us if he's annoying him.

Is anyone else in the same boat? Any advice appreciated! Thanks.

CantWaitforWarmWeather Fri 15-Jan-16 21:19:20

Wow, a 16 year old physically fighting with a 5 year old? What a thug!

SlinkyB Fri 15-Jan-16 21:36:53

He's not a thug! I do agree that he shouldn't retaliate, and is old enough to know better. We've often heard the usual "he started it! He threw a ball at me!" Or whatever, and we sigh and say "But he's FOUR!" (Even when he was three tho, ds would come to me in tears saying dss had hurt him...but my lad is known for drama and tall stories?!).

Just feels like we can't leave them on their own for two minutes, which is stressful. We have a 2yr old too, who I'm sure behaves better. The almost 5yo is fine on non-contact weekends.

CantWaitforWarmWeather Fri 15-Jan-16 21:56:09

What 16 year old thinks it's ok to physically fight with a little child though. He should be setting a good example.

camtt Fri 15-Jan-16 21:59:09

I have almost teenage DS who winds up much younger DS2. I think DS1 ought to know better/ understand the dynamic etc but he is young for his age and just can't help himself, also DS2 specialises in annoying DS1. I guess it's a personality thing.

SlinkyB Fri 15-Jan-16 22:07:28

cantwait, I know, I can't comprehend it. It's more that they play fight/mess about and it gets out of control. I've explained to the 16 yr old he needs to be firm with his hyper annoying little brother and tell him off and walk away. I hate it when they get physical, it really upsets me (and the 4yr old, obvs). I swear they spend half the weekend messing about, arguining and fighting. The 16yr old is never in the wrong, always blames the 4yr old, and says he didn't do anything hmm

wannabestressfree Fri 15-Jan-16 22:07:40

My nearly 19 year old winds up the 11 year old. They are brothers/ siblings. The only time I tend to get involved is if it gets nasty....'your fat, smelly, ginger etc'.
I just think it happens and hopefully you ss will soon grow out of it. But.... We read on here often of adult men rough housing. Perhaps like you said you are sensitive to it as its an eow thing.

StuckInARabbitHole Fri 15-Jan-16 23:11:26

I have 3 boys (full sibs). My 5 year old and 13 year old DS2 (he has learning difficulties) are always at each other. It started when DS2 used to call DS3 silly names and take his toys off him when younger through jealousy. We even caught DS2 trying to trip up DS3 when he was just learning to walk shock. DS3 has now shown very plainly that he will not take any crap and gives it back tenfold!

I find that DS2 tends to revert back to DS3's age when they are together and his LD's mean that his mental age is lower than his chronological age.

I have told the DS2 again and again that I will not accept any excuses for him retaliating with violence to a child 8 years younger and half his size (DS2 is 6ft) and to his credit he doesn't although he will pick DS3 up and chuck him on the sofa when things get too much which he gets a bollocking for obviously. DS3 calls DS2 names (smelly faggot bumhead anyone?, all names he has heard DS2 say angry) which really winds him up, punches him and will hide his stuff.

Have to keep DS3's 'claws' very short as he will squeeze DS2's arms with gritted teeth and dig his nails in so DTS2 has scratch marks all up his arms but he still never retaliates.

I try to crack down on the name calling (although sometimes I let it go as it is so never ending and ridiculous and is not repeated outside of the house, DS3 is an angel at school, DS2 is not) but the physical stuff is absolutely not tolerated due to the massive disparity in their sizes and the potential for serious but unintentional harm.

You need to stop that immediately OP. No physical contact at all if it is going to lead to little one getting hurt.

SlinkyB Sat 16-Jan-16 09:19:33

Not just our household then stuck sad I find it incredible that there is an 11yr age gap, but yet they still argue and fight. I guess it's just a sibling thing?!

I absolutely do not tolerate violence either - frequently have to tell them to sit on separate sofas and not to touch each other. Last night we left them for five minutes, and the 4yo bit the 16yo's arm?! angry sad So we came down on the 4yo like a tonne of bricks. He's never bitten before, not even when he was a toddler. When his big brother isn't around, he's generally calm and well behaved. I think it was a combination of being knackered from school, having Friday night chocolate, the start of a cold, and the 16yo winding him up.

The name calling started yet...something to look forward to then hmm

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