Backstory is that DP and I met when I'd been single 2 years, he'd been single 15 months. Both of us have 2 DC. None shared. All the kids are little, mine 3 and 5, his 4 and 8. The youngest three are boys.
DP proposed in June, and moved in officially in Nov. We've been together 2 years. No plans to actually get married at the moment. I feel like it was more a statement that we are both committed to each other when we got engaged, than a countdown to a wedding.
Since DP has moved in I'm really struggling. I was driven and independent as a lone parent and I'm finding it really, really hard to consult another adult on every decision. In many ways it feels like the fun is being sucked out of our relationship by the need to discuss money, downtime, even things like bedtimes etc seem to end up with us bickering now. I'm feeling pretty drained.
It doesn't help that DP is spectacularly shit with money. Way more than I realised. So I'm carrying the can for us in a way I didn't expect to. Over Dec this has ended up with me in my overdraft to the tune of £600 which may not seem a lot to some, but I have literally never been in my OD as a lone parent and it really pisses me off, mostly because DP seems to think it's a fine way to live, and I don't. But because he doesn't see the problem, he doesn't have any motivation to fix it. Also, his youngest, the 4yo, is going through a hitting stage which seems exclusively directed at my youngest, the 3yo.
The combination of feeling unsupported by him financially and my little one getting hit 4-5 times a weekend when his DC are here are making me stew with resentment now. I feel like life was easier before, and honestly, I'm tempted to suggest he moves back out and be done with it.
I'm not sure how much of this is stuff we should work through, and how much of it is me struggling to adapt to living with a partner again. Did other LP's who moved in with a DP feel so cross about having to negotiate everything again? Am I the only one who feels totally pissed off about not being in control of my own household anymore?
Maybe I'm being unfair. But I really feel horrible right now and I don't know how to talk to him about it constructively. Especially the stuff about his son being so nasty to mine. I've actually gone as far as taking my two out and leaving him home with his on a weekend, just to stop it happening. So it's not like he doesn't know how I feel or that I have simply let it go on without intervening myself. It simply doesn't change :( and I'm worn out by it all tbh.
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21 replies
chocoraisin · 12/01/2016 13:51
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