good old maintenance!!!

[lookluv]

I have 2 DCs with Ex - whom he says once in a blue bloody moon, ie, less than 15 ONs per annum and sees them 2-3 hrs per week max but not every week. Has taken them on holiday for one week twice in 3 yrs.

We calculate maintenance on the basis of the lowest contact rate, then he makes up his own lower figure!!!

He went off had a relationship and another child. This relationship has now ended and he is having said child 3 days one week/ 4 days the next. ( sharp learning curve in the practicalities of being a single parent!!!)

His second EX is now calculating her maintenance on the basis that she has his DC 174 days per annum.

So she thinks the whole 12 % for one child, 16 % for two and 22% for 3 should be divided by her having 15% and me 8%. She is a class act!!

Anyone have any idea how this would be worked out?

Personally have given up expecting him to be a decent father to his two eldest DCs, either financially or emotionally. But I am buggered if I am going to take an even bigger cut in what little he gives for his parental responsibility, when I do 350 days of parenting per annum for two and she does 174 for one. They are in mediation at the moment, which I am not allowed to be party of or influence the financial decisions. Their first financial plan had EX providing nothing for my 7 and 4 yr old and all maintenance going to his 2 yr old, on the basis that the youngest had the most growing up to do.

Yes they both deserved each other - twunts does not come into it!!!

anyone have any experience of this situation - many thanks

[Bluelilies]

I think what they do is work out the total amount he'd have to pay assuming he didn't have any overnights with any of them, then split it evenly between the 3 DC - so 2/3 to you and 1/3 to his other ex, then, last of all, reduce what he pays the other ex by 3 /7 because of having their DC 3+ nights a week.

So if he earns £400 a week it would be roughly £100 total, with £67 to you and £18 (4/7 of the other £33) to her. Or possibly he could argue that he has a true 50-50 split with his other ex, so owes her nothing, but I'm not quite sure how that affects your payments. There's information and a calculator on the website.

[lunar1]

Bloody hell, they really thought your children should get nothing!! You are going to have to go to the cms, he will continue to mess you around otherwise.

[lookluv]

lunar I do not expect anything else. Have had two lots of legal advice and neither having anything close to being similar!

My thoughts were along bluelillies but not really sure. He will not reduce what he pays her even on 50:50 - which is what they are planning.

EX is a v high earner ( 6 figures) and I currently get £200pcm, which is not to be sneezed at but on her current calculation - and I do not know his exact salary at the moment - this would go down to £120pcm!!!!

I gave up expecting decent moral behaviour by either of them a long time ago, the only people who suffered were my DCs - who still love their Dad and their new sibling. Believe me I bite my tongue on so many occasions but this just ices the cake!

[justjuanmorebeer]

Your calculations don't sound right at all. If he really is earning 6 figures then it will be much higher. My ex earns 60k and I get £505 a month. 1 child, no overnights. The CMS has a calculator on the website.

[Chasingsquirrels]

Go to CMS. His current relationship situation isn't your problem. Let CMS sort out what he pays you and make sure he pays.

[Licketysplit9]

The amount you receive sounds totally nuts. My husband earmed similar (probably less at the point of calculation), had 2 children, having them every other weekend and he used to give his EX £700 pm. You are being thoroughly diddled.

[maybebabybee]

You are getting nowhere near enough if only £200!!!!

[Pipistrella]

I get £80 a month, I'm not sue what ex actually earns though - it varies, he used to get about £100 a day.

No idea what CMS will ask him for, not heard a dickie from them so far.

I hope you can sort it out OP

[QuiteLikely5]

Please, please go through the CSA. Private arrangements are good when they are done fairly but in your case your ex is taking advantage of your soft nature.

He made them so he should pay for them. Of course he is having his other child as much as possible- that's because he knows that the more nights he has him the less maintenance he legally has to pay.

Time for you to bypass discussions with your ex. Get straight onto the CSA.

[DisneyMillie]

You're not getting anywhere near enough at the moment! My ex-h earns around £200k and I get over £1k a month (we sorted ourselves but solicitor and court approved) so I'd have thought you should get at least £500/£700

[lookluv]

Ladies - many thanks for your comments.

I am well aware he does not pay enough - like I said we used the calculator and then he paid what he thought they cost!!!

In the past, any suggestion of monies resulted in him not turning up for contact, taking her and her children on holiday and bringing mine back a present from said exotic destination. Two very upset children - believe me dealing with the sadness and anger in 2 young DCs was not worth the hassle.

[lunar1]

Sadly it sounds like he is going to treat you children badly if you claim or not and he's using it to stop you making things official. I'd guess that the only reason he has so much time with his other child is because he knows his other ex will claim regardless.

He's not going to be a decent dad either way so you would be better off claiming whatever you can.

[starry0ne]

This is just a method of manipulation...

This guy does not/ is not going to prioritize your children so it is your job...

One thing I learnt..If they want a relationship with their children they will have one irrelevant of finances

[Bluelilies]

You should be getting a lot more that that. 22% of 100k= 22k, of which you should get 2/3 - ie 15k which is more that £1200 a month. You need to apply to the CMS to have them a collect the money for you as you're being treated badly right now.

Whatever he arranges with his other ex will have no bearing on how much he has to pay you

[Bluelilies]

With 15k a year you could take them on a few exotic holidays yourself.

[wonkylampshade]

Agree you need to got to the CMS. Your kids are already being treated really badly by him if that's what you're worried about.

There are very clear guidelines on how much he should be paying. In a lot of ways it'd make your situation easier (not least financially), as it just takes the negotiations out of your and his hands. Imo there is no way something like this can be decided by two out of three parties in mediation sessions! It's what the CMS are there for - why not just use them?

[justjuanmorebeer]

Also, if you know who his employer is, his full name and address they will sort it REALLY quickly. It was under 1 week turn around from paying the £20 fee for me. Allow an hour or so for the phone call you have to give a lot of info.
I never had dealings with the old CSA but I think the CMS seems good.

[wonkylampshade]

I'll second that. Paid my £20 to CMS today, and came off the phone feeling like they actually took my case seriously- whereas I always felt a bit hopeless talking to the CSA!

[Stepparentbashersfuckoff]

Go to CMS immediately - and if the other ex says anything to you tell her to FUCK RIGHT OFF YOU HAVE TWO KIDS SHE HAS ONE!

[ilovewelshrarebit123]

Take it out of their hands and go to CMS. At least it will be fair and he gets no choice.


I get £350 for one child and my ex doesn't earn anywhere near that.

Do not be had over, CMS is the answer.

[RandomMess]

Just go to the CMS, I don't think you can afford not to.

[VimFuego101]

If he is truly having the other child 50% of the time then surely there should be no maintenance due to his other ex?

[SuperCee7]

Go to cms ASAP. It's your child's right to be receiving the correct maintenance.

If ex and his ex are going 50:50 then he pays her no maintenance

[FaithLoveandHope]

Definitely go to CMS. My DP and his ex have a private arrangement, he's on nowhere near as much as your ex and pays £300 pcm. I have no idea where your ex's ex gets her values from, I just can't get my head around that logic at all! You have double the amount of children and almost double the amount of nights!

[MeridianB]

Another one saying ignore all his mess and nonsense and just go to CMS.

If he doesn't have the moral capacity to do the right thing then he will have to be made to.