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Feeling a bit sorry for myself...

(10 Posts)
Andsoitbegins88 Wed 23-Dec-15 20:47:21

So we've got the DSC this eve for the last time before Xmas. I spent the day making lasagne (their fave) and getting the last couple of gifts sorted. They opened pressies, had dinner and have now disappeared upstairs to play Xbox. DP has gone with them 'to spend some time together'

I'm left tidying up and sitting around on my own...can't help but feel faintly ridiculous for feeling left out, but I do. Not sure I can even articulate why I'm feeling sorry for myself - I understand them wanting to play xbox, I can understand DP wanting to be with them while they do it and I DEF don't want to play....so why the negative feelings?

Might as well get on with the wrapping....

hampsterdam Wed 23-Dec-15 21:32:06

Hmm seems like maybe you need to change your way of thinking and see it as a positive, bit of peace and quiet during a busy week? When will you see dsc again?

HesNotAMessiah Wed 23-Dec-15 21:59:17

I'm with OP, this role as permanent servant who always comes last in the family pecking order.

In fact the pecking order changes from nbr 1 person in the relationship to nbr nobody.

I may be Victorian but maybe it's more beneficial for everyone to share the family experience of clearing up, and part of that is conversation and agreeing what everyone wants to do next.

So very little communication goes on these days, and kids need it more than ever.

Andsoitbegins88 Wed 23-Dec-15 22:01:39

That's a nice way of looking at it hampster We're not sure when we'll get them back, their DM is chaotic disorganised so doesn't plan things out.

She's still calling all the shots (he's just had to leave to drop the boys off 30 mins away because she's 'changed her mind about picking them up') and don't even get me started on him not standing up to her. Clearly I'm having a bit of a negative moment!

But the wrapping is now finished fsmile

Bananasinpyjamas1 Wed 23-Dec-15 22:08:12

Agree HesNot and OP, it's because it was fine for you to give, to serve, make dinner, but shut out of anything back. There has to be some half way surely? Where DP gets to spend time, but you are included some of the time too?

Though this only worked for me until kids went cold on me so I'm facing Christmas cooking dinners but also being excluded.

Andsoitbegins88 Wed 23-Dec-15 22:18:59

Crossed post their HesNot and you've got it spot on going from number 1 to feeling non-existent. It's a horrible, sinking feeling that I struggle to explain to him.

There def needs to be some half way bananas, I actually think they shouldn't have been on the Xbox at all given they were only meant to be here for a few hours but then I regularly get told my expectations are unreasonable. I'm sorry you're being so excluded, an invisible person can't cook....just sayin' wink

I'm definitely feeling like I'm the least considered in the whole equation. The fact that I've been on my own all night and now he's rushed off because she's emotionally blackmailing again (and he's pandering to it) leaves me wanting to lock him out. Too much?!

Bananasinpyjamas1 Wed 23-Dec-15 22:31:18

Totally understand! Unfortunately really not sure what to do? Call in some fireman to keep you company?!

cannotlogin Wed 23-Dec-15 22:58:25

What is stopping you joining in? Surely you can walk in the room, ask who's winning and sit yourself down as an onlooker?

thegreenhen Thu 24-Dec-15 06:51:33

I totally agree that the best thing would be for you all to clear up together. It would help you all bond, teach the kids something more valuable than x box gaming ever will and stop you feeling like the maid.

Even if you were mum and not step mum, I think you would feel resentful in that situation.

Andsoitbegins88 Thu 24-Dec-15 10:10:13

Hey cannotlogin you're right, involving myself would have solved an element of the issue - although I think I would have still felt like I was forcing my way in rather than being included you know? Semantics maybe, but I was feeling it last night.

thegreenhen absolutely, but as a mum I would have felt able to pull them up and make them help - which I do with my nephews because we have that relationship. I'm struggling to know what I can/can't ask for and I'm looking to my DP to help start those conversations so it's not solely from me....I better not hold my breath grin

bananas fireman, you say.....wink

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