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Big Massive Row!

(12 Posts)
Olivia1971 Wed 23-Dec-15 14:26:38

Hi All,

Today MIL, SIL and her kids come over to drop xmas presents off. I asked DH to ask them to come xmas eve as I have had chemo yesterday and was really tired. Also I didn't want them here as there has been a lot going on recently and I didn't want to see them as I knew it would erupt in a row.

MIL has been slating me in front of my DSKs and making a point of spending two days a week with DSKs arranged through the ex, and ignoring my DD. Shes 5. On top of that there has been about 10 years of bad treatment, from ignoring my DD, to questioning her parentage, to turning up to our wedding in jeans and a t shirt and telling the guests how disappointed she was DH split up with his ex, who left him for another man, and how im not good enough for her son. My relatives left at 9pm to avoid a row. She has photos of just the ex up everywhere, never rings or calls after DD ever. Whenever we go out, I end up paying for everyone or she wont go. I've tried and tried but she wont warm to me so I've left it.

Bought her a really expensive present, and all SIL kids (5 of them) but apparently im tight. They apparently told DH ex (who I have a good relationship with) that im exaggerating the effects of chemo. Then denied it. I truly don't think DH ex would lie.

I get on amazingly well with SKs. Really positive relationship. Husband supports me. But I confronted MIL today about not calling about DD surgery ( she broke her arm at school) or making any effort with her, and loads with the SKs. I told her that my DD doesn't understand why she isn't invited as well, and that she gets told about all the fun things that happen and feels left out. (Didn't mention the £300 each she'd spent on all 4 SK's to the £50 she spent on DD).

MIL told me to stop being dramatic got up and walked out. SIL started screaming abuse at me, then MIL said she would just put the presents inside and leave. I said maybe we could come over later when everything is calm and talk things over. She said she never wants to see me or DD again and got in the car. No presents came out. SIL was still screaming abuse at me, I asked her to leave, she refused to go, spat in my face, at which point DH got in front of her, and called me every name under the sun and told me she hopes I die. She was swinging punches at me from behind DH.

She then left, but smashed the windscreen on my car, then walked back into the house to tell me how ugly my daughter is, and how none of the family give a f* about her, picked up the selection box she has got her for xmas saying she didn't want her to have it and carried on screaming abuse. My daughter saw everything. My husband kept asking her to leave, she refused, I had my phone to my ear and told her I'd called 999. She left and got into MIL car and drove off. Worst part is this woman is a primary school teacher.

None of her kids saw this, she made sure they were in the car before it kicked off, MIL put them into the car, it was only my daughter.

DH asked me to not phone the police and my windscreen has already been repaired (mechanic friend) which DH paid for. He doesn't want his kids to have contact with his mum or sister but the ex drops them to them all the time, and is unlikely to stop. I said to DH what ex does with them on her time is her business, but to tell her that we are going no contact, and to ask that she passes no info to them, and that the SKs don't. They are old enough to know not to.

Do you think it would be reasonable to ask the ex to not pass info to them, and to keep contact with them to a minimum. I have said to just explain what she does is up to her, but to explain that if they go down and they turn on the kids, its on her, because shes been warned and we've told her we're no contact.

Sorry for the long post, just looking to vent. Social media channels have been blocked, as have phone numbers. They live 30 mins drive away so no chance of bumping into them. DH only has them as his dad died and MIL and FIL are only children. SIL is adopted, DH only bio child.

ImperialBlether Wed 23-Dec-15 14:32:32

Oh my god, they are complete lunatics, your SIL in particular! I wonder whether they were quite as fond of your husband's ex when she was with him or whether they have only now decided she is great.

I would get a restraining order out against your SIL - how dare she talk to you like that in your house? And spitting too - she's disgusting.

Definitely go no contact. However, will your husband renege on that, do you think?

Olivia1971 Wed 23-Dec-15 14:39:50

DH ex swears they were foul until they split up and he got with me. She tells me shes got no time for them and that they treat DH awfully but on the same hand she has no problems dropping her kids off to them all the time so you don't know do you.

DH is fuming and is unlikely to go back on talking to them. It doesn't bother him if he sees them or not, he can go months with no contact and never rings them. He doesn't approve of how DD is treated but has never said anything to his DM so maybe that's the issue. But he works away a lot so its probably because he has better things to do.

My family are fuming and want the police called, I think that will escalate the situation. Called a solicitor about an injunction, they said the police will need to be called or an injunction will be difficult to obtain. Plus it would be a grand each for MIL and DIL and we don't have that kind of money.

We are far enough away that they wouldn't be able to just turn up. They didn't come over before anyway, doubt it will start now. Just concerned about it escalating through the ex and SKs.

Letitgoletitgo Wed 23-Dec-15 15:26:18

Wow that sounds awful, so sorry Op. I agree with the no contact - it sounds like you won't need to go legal with injunctions to get that. As for dsks and ex, you can only tell them what you are doing. You cannot control her actions and it would be unfair to stop dsks having a relationship with their grandmother if it's what they want. You say you have a good relationship with ex though, so I would definitely tell her your plans - and why - and ask for her to support you. You cannot stop what she choses for her dks though. Good luck op. X

hampsterdam Wed 23-Dec-15 21:40:00

My god what vile human beings they are. So sorry you had to go through that and for your daughter to witness it too, they are beyond disgusting.
If ex is normal she should be disgusted by their behaviour. If you get on with her just tell her and let her decide. Even if info does go back to them it doesn't matter, so long as they don't contact you.
Hope you feel better soon x

coffeeisnectar Wed 23-Dec-15 23:21:50

I'd have called the police. See how her job goes with a conviction for assault and criminal damage. She should not be in charge of any children.

I'd talk to your dhs ex and tell her what happened. If she needs a break from the kids then can't they come to you instead if you have a good relationship with them.

Kelsoooo Wed 23-Dec-15 23:25:33

Are you okay?

I have no advice that anyone else hasn't given.

But wanted to ask if you're okay....

notapizzaeater Wed 23-Dec-15 23:26:43

I'd have phoned the police too, maybe then they would have realised exactly what they are doing. Horrid horrid people, hope your dd wasn't too traumatised. I'd Tell DH ex as well so she knows your slant on it.

Sunbeam1112 Thu 24-Dec-15 11:42:12

Wow they sound vile. My exs family his mums sude were verbally vile to me but thats another level. You can only speak to dh ex and leave the ball in their court. The DSKs will soon realise what type of people they are x

Wdigin2this Sun 03-Jan-16 14:48:55

I'd have phoned the police when they smashed your car windscreen....I hope you managed to photo/video that!
As has been said, all you can do is avoid the situation and keep your lives apart! But if the mad SIL does anything else, tell her you have video evidence of her assault on your car (even if you haven't) and if she doesn't back off out of your lives, you'll show it to your solicitor!

wannabestressfree Sun 03-Jan-16 14:55:13

Sorry but I really think you need to inform the police. I am not sure how you think the situation will be agitated or get worse after what you have described. You are a poorly lady and I would put the needs of your immediate family and yourself first.
I don't think can ask the dsk to have no contact just don't facilitate it. Or have any involvement what so ever.

alltouchedout Sun 03-Jan-16 17:14:44

I would absolutely report this to the police. That person shouldn't be in charge of children.
Hope you're feeling ok now. Chemo is horrible. Having to cope with this sort of thing on top must be hell.

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