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Feel like the housekeeper/nanny.

(41 Posts)
Gillybean79 Mon 21-Dec-15 00:07:46

Basically I feel like the only reason my boyfriend is with me is so he has someone to look after his son, pay his bills, keep the fridge stocked and his dinner on the table. Oh and be available in bed whenever he wants..which is all the time.
I'm 32 and this is my first time living with someone..he is 38 and has been married before, it ended with her cheating and him being awarded full custody of his son. I have 2 boys who are 8 and 3, his son is 13. Him and his son are very close, he goes out of his way to make sure his son doesn't feel like he's missing out on dad time but I always seem to be the one left on my own so they can have time together. I'm at stay at home mum just now as my oldest boy has additional needs and needed me at home, I'm hoping to return to work in the new year but just now I spend all my days looking after kids while he is working.
He wants my kids in bed at 7 so we can have adult time but will then let his son sit with us or they will turn the football on while I'm getting my kids in bed so I end up sitting in my room reading as I really don't want to be spending my "adult time" with his kid who I've cooked, cleaned and cared for while he was at work, watching something I'm not interested in.
Housework is also an issue, he says he doesnt expect me to do everything but his actions show different. Him and his son leave everything at their backsides. I pick up empty cans, half full glasses and sweetie wrappers all day but if I haven't hoovered and dusted one day he gets huffy. He doesn't touch the washing then asks if his son's uniform is ready on a Monday morning, or has a go if it isn't done because his son didn't put it in the wash basket till Sunday night when I've told him to have it downstairs on a Friday night.
Food is also an issue, they are both really fussy eaters and eat loads of junk food. I have never been like that. My kids were brought up to eat fruit and veg and treat sweets as occasional treats. Everytime my partner's son walks in the door he heads up to his room with another bag of sweets and crisps and cans of fizzy juice. Every meal had to be amended to suit his son, I love to cook but hate having to change every meal. I don't mind compromising some nights but on the nights I cook what I want I'm made to feel like I'm being selfish.
Finally, they moved in to my house. They've been here for 3 months and my bf hasn't once asked how I'm managing to pay the rent. He's working full-time and doesn't pay for much at all. All his money is spent on him and his son..all he has to do is say he "needs" something and his dad buys it. This isn't how I've raised my kids. And the way his son speaks to him is awful he's the dad and his dad is the child. Saying that my bf speaks to me like a child a lot of the time.
Saying all this, he is a loving, kind man. He loves me and my kids dearly and has been very supportive through my oldest's screening and diagnosis. When it's good we laugh all day everyday but then he'll get in a bad mood and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells cuz I know he's looking for an argument. He loves to argue and I'm not a confrontational person at all. I cry when I'm angry.
I'm just wondering if I'm being sensitive because this is my first time living with someone. I'm used to being a single mum who is in charge of the house. Is this just a power struggle? Are we just finding our way in the relationship?

Wdigin2this Mon 21-Dec-15 06:45:30


lunar1 Mon 21-Dec-15 06:49:28

Get him out of your house, quickly!

Keeptrudging Mon 21-Dec-15 06:52:33

How has your life improved since he moved in with you?

WeThreeMythicalKings Mon 21-Dec-15 06:53:55

Get them out. He has shown that he as no respect for you. Insisting that your DCs are in bed by 7 is controlling and plain nasty.

wannabestressfree Mon 21-Dec-15 06:53:59

Firstly he should be contributing. You cannot let that slide....
There are so many 'red flags' I don't know where to start. Why on earth did you not sort all this out before they moved in?
You are not a skivy nor a slave and you need ground rules and boundaries...
What is occuring now sounds your children a terrible message..... Cross on your behalf.

Cymraesfach Mon 21-Dec-15 06:55:37

I've never said this before, but get him out. He's using you.

hesterton Mon 21-Dec-15 06:58:40

This will only get worse. I truly would kick them out.

sleeplessinmybedroom Mon 21-Dec-15 07:01:00

I would say you can't really expect a 13 year old to go to bed at 7 but the rest is so bad that's not even relevant. I think you should tell them to leave, he is a classic cock lodger.

JennyOnAPlate Mon 21-Dec-15 07:13:21

The 13 year old still being up at 7 is not unreasonable, but the rest of it bloody well is!

Have you spoken to him about any of this?

Eastpoint Mon 21-Dec-15 07:29:00

How can your 8 year old be tired enough for bed at 7pm? I think you need to ask him to move out as it isn't suiting your family to have them living in YOUR house.

mouldycheesefan Mon 21-Dec-15 07:32:48

He is not a loving kind man at all!

SavoyCabbage Mon 21-Dec-15 07:33:49

I was reading your post thinking how badly he is treating you and how you should leave him, when I got three quarters of the way down and found out about the money...well, I'm outraged.

Adults do not move in with other adults and not pay anything.

He does not love your children. He doesn't. He is taking money from you that should be used for them. That money that you are paying for him and his son, their living expenses, should be being used to improve your own children's lives. Even if you don't need it for day to day expenses you could be paying for music lesson, a holiday of saving it for university.

MeridianB Mon 21-Dec-15 08:25:53

Another saying get rid of him. He sounds awful. No redeeming features whatsoever. You sound like you deserve so much better. Don't even sit through Christmas with this - can he get lost now?

Licketysplit9 Mon 21-Dec-15 10:08:01

My word. Sponging off a SAH mum? That's remarkably low. Does he think the fairies fund you? And being all expectant over domestic duties after 3 months of living with you. He's an adult baby. Get rid.

BoboChic Mon 21-Dec-15 10:10:28

Get rid of him, OP. He is a complete and utter sponger.

LaurieFairyCake Mon 21-Dec-15 10:10:50

Isn't he good at pretending to be a great guy who loves a laugh and loves you hmm

Cocklodger. Get rid. You sound great thanks

Whoknewitcouldbeso Mon 21-Dec-15 10:13:34

Cocklodger and arsehole.

cannotlogin Mon 21-Dec-15 10:16:38

Assuming you are claiming benefits, have you declared his moving in to the relevant agencies? Please be careful as it is you who will run into trouble, not him.

Did you not discuss money and how things would work prior to his moving in?

Dungandbother Mon 21-Dec-15 10:28:30

I'm shocked..... Are you for real?

Why would you let anyone treat you like that?

ExplodingCarrots Mon 21-Dec-15 10:29:42

So he's got himself a cook, a cleaner, a nanny, free digs and sex whenever he wants? What have you got out of this relationship OP? Sorry if this sounds harsh but you have mug written on your forehead.

For the sake of yourself and your children please get rid!

pinkyredrose Mon 21-Dec-15 10:32:05

Omg there is so much wrong here I don't know where to start! Why the fuck is he not paying his way and sharing chores?

Worried about the comment about him expecting you to be available in bed whenever he wants. Sex should be a mutually desired and enjoyable experience. What is he like when you don't feel like sex and have you ever had sex just because it's what he wanted?

MrsGradyOldLady Mon 21-Dec-15 10:35:49

How ARE you paying the rent? If you've not declared him living there it will be you who is prosecuted while he's laughing all the way to the bank.

Just get rid. Him and his teenage son are both lazy cocklodgers and you and your sons sound like cinderella. How fucking dare he send YOUR kids to bed in there own home whilst the 2 ugly sisters get waited on hand and foot?

Lightbulbon Mon 21-Dec-15 10:38:31

Why did you move in together?

Oswin Mon 21-Dec-15 10:38:48

Omg he pays nothing? Get rid op, he don't love you or your kids.

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