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Help ladies

(8 Posts)
Wellbooukk Wed 16-Dec-15 20:08:07

Hi Ladies I am new to mumsnet so please bear with me.

Okay so I am married to my second husband with a 16 year old daughter from my first marriage and a 17 year old step son.

It is the 17 year old stepson that is the issue.
first of all he is a brat and acts like a 4 year old.
his mum and dad split some years ago his mum got pregnant again to her new fella almost straight away and has 3 more kids since.
I have tried to be loving and understanding but right now, this is getting me down.
to the point where I am thinking of leaving my hubby.
His son ruins every family outing we have by being cocky and childish when he does not get his way.
he threatens his dad with violence when he does not get what he wants.
And previously before moving back he hit his step dad and assaulted a Police officer, spent the night in jail and me and his dad went to collect him.
We have been patient with him and paid for help for him counselling etc and he gets to go to all the activities he wants to as well as college, so he does get one on one time with his father and stuff.
anyway we live next door to his grandparents (hubbys parents) his mum is awful vile rude woman.
and his son has chosen to live there also but they do everything for him run baths etc, and they seem determined to make my life hard.
I do feel that hubbys mum is to blame for some of the problems like I feel she poisons his mind against us.

Like for example, on fathers day, she knew I had asked his son to come round and sign his name on a card, he refused and didbt get him one himself.
his mum made a point of coming round on fathers day and moving two wardrobes round to her house for him, knowing what had occurred.
previously she had screamed at me in the street that I didnt make him welcome because, I had bought my daughter a top and not him.
it has now got to the point where the step son has brought more trouble to home by engaging with people he should not.
he threatens violence and told he wishes I would die (by the way I have cancer)
nothing got done about that.
Yet I am expected to pay £80 a session for a psychologist to help him so he does not end up in more trouble.
I am not sure how much more I can take, he is so used to getting everything he wants his parents split when he was 11 so its not new to him.
But I believe that the grandparents are not helping I told hubby this and he does not listen.
This kid goes to every activity he wants.
I do have an issue with that but I feel like I am being treated as a door mat.
I asked that the granddad not come with us to see the psychologist and I find out today he is coming yet I am still paying for xmas and the psychologist, because of what he has done my DD has to stay with her dad and its ripping me apart.
I love my hubby a lot but his son and parents are making me want to run.

Licketysplit9 Wed 16-Dec-15 21:58:42

I say run! It sounds like a world full of stress for anyone, let alone someone with cancer. And if it is impacting your daughter to the extent that she can't stay with you I think that surely is reason enough.

An alternative might be that you can continue your relationship, but live elsewhere so that you can extricate yourself from the messy family. Give it a few years and the son may sort himself out, grow up and move on. But either way, I would take immediate steps.

hampsterdam Thu 17-Dec-15 09:35:00

Run and be with your daughter. Even if the son grows up and moves out your awful in laws will still be next door. You are the one sorting councillors and Christmas what is your dh doing to help his ds?

Wellbooukk Thu 17-Dec-15 19:13:03

Well he had his first session today and I am resentful of SS not once has he apologised for wishing me dead nor thanked me for paying for his help!
DH thinks I'm nagging
But I'm not i pointed out that I was the one who had sorted it out and maybe if had been a parent instead of a mate his son maybe nicer

Wdigin2this Fri 18-Dec-15 08:45:50

Step right back Wellbooukk!
You have two choices, continue living with your DH but totally ignore his son, and I mean exactly that, don't give him the time of day!
Or....get the hell out of this toxic situation ASAP!

swingofthings Fri 18-Dec-15 09:22:40

Another post where the only appropriate response is to stay away from it all. He doesn't live with you, and he is how old enough to have contact with his dad without having to be in contact with you.

Step out of it both physically and mentally and you might find that this saves your marriage. You need to concentrates on yourself right away, you are your own priority, you SS isn't.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Fri 18-Dec-15 15:03:47

Oh no, step back, there's no way this is going to get easier. I'd even consider living away from your DP for a couple of years, his transition to adulthood is going to rocky.

Borninthe60s Fri 18-Dec-15 15:18:37

Your daughter comes first!

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