Divorced for 5 years. Ex in a relationship for 3 years. Has just moved in with his partner 3 months ago. They have DC two nights a week.
No previous problems at all. We've all rubbed along nicely, we go to sporting events/school plays/birthday parties and get on fine, talk about the weather, pass the time of day etc. Although they have just moved in together his partner stayed at his house both nights when the DC were there so she is use to the children staying overnight.
Since they have moved in together she has suddenly turned into turbo charged step mum. Some examples.
I picked DD up for a birthday party at a skating rink. I had sent her with clothes to change into which she had picked out. She was in a different outfit. I said oh DD aren't you wearing the clothes you picked, SM says 'oh well I decided they would probably get very dirty and not practical for skating so she's wearing these instead aren't you DD (talking to DD and not looking at me). I said 'oh well it doesn't matter if they get dirty it will soon wash out' and SM (still talking to DD) said 'oh well she's changed now'. I just and said oh no bother and took DD to the party.
She sent me an email after the kids had been for the weekend. She mentioned that she was very concerned about the DC use of bad language and wasn't comfortable with it. Could we all decide to be on the same page and teach the DC it wasn't ok and is offensive to some people. Bad language is Jesus, oh my god and crap (from the 11 year old). I replied to ex and said about the email and that actually i'm not concerned about their language and think that perhaps they need to pick their battles. He sent a very weak message back saying that 'yes but if we can stop them from saying it then surely that would be better'. DC are now coming home and saying they are on punishment for 'swearing'.
Step mum has put in rules banning them from watching certain programmes. Simpsons, I'm a celeb (the 11 year old), and the regular show because someone said crap off or something like that . When DC came home and moaned I said that its not my house and i'm not interfering in their rules. Ex then phoned up and said they would appreciate it if I backed them up. Apparetnly step mum has explained to him that she doesn't think these programmes are ok and why and actually he agrees and its very confusing for DC to have different rules for different houses and didn't I think we should all be on the same page.
DD asked me to if she could do guitar lessons. I said no as 1) she already has 3 extra curricular activities, 2) the time of the lessons clashes with DS football, 3) the location of the lessons is miles away. Step mum then sent me a long winded email saying she thinks DD should be allowed to do them. It even had links showing how beneficial learning an instrument is to DC.
At the moment i'm just slightly bemused and giving her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she is just taking her step mum role very seriously and might calm down in a few months. On the other hand i'm very close to telling her to mind her own business when it comes to what goes on in my house.
Any advice to how to approach this in a way that isn't going to cause conflict!
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Step-parenting
I need help/advice from step mums and people whose DC have them
67 replies
MargotsGin · 30/11/2015 13:07
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