my OH and I do not live together and he has one DS. Me and DSS get on great and he really likes me being around, however, I think he doesn't actually see himself as a child, he goes to bed the same time as his parents,(also shares the same bed but that's another story) the only child-child interaction he has is at school otherwise he is surrounded by adults and my OH always askes his DS "permission" before anything happens i.e. is it ok if we have X Y Z for tea to which DS will say no I want something else then doesn't eat it, is it ok if X comes over tonight (me), do you mind if we call in and see X tonight etc etc you get the gist.
So my OH never really mentions me when I am not around, and as far as DSS is concerned I only ever see my OH when DSS is there - he thinks I have popped over once or twice to see my OH when DSS hasn't been there but that's about it.
So anyway it all came to a head one night last week - my OH tries to have his DS as much as he can, he has him once in the week (over night), every evening for 3 hours and then once on the weekend over night or twice on the weekend depending on what the EXW is doing.
So one night this week the EXW wanted to go out and wanted my OH to have his DS overnight. My OH said im sorry I have arranged to go out with X that night (me) so she then had to arrange for a babysitter to have him - DSS then came on the phone to ask why he couldn't go to his dads and my OH said because I am going out with X. DSS got really upset but said ok dad that's fine but was crying.
OH felt really guilty and usually cancels whatever plans he has made to accommodate DS so that he doesn't have to go with the babysitter but this time those plans couldn't be rearranged. So the next morning DS was on the phone bright and early asking what time my OH would be there to pick him up (we were on our way home at that point) and then subsequently rang every 10 minutes crying and wanting to know why he wasn't there to pick him up yet - we had other plans that morning but they then got cancelled so OH could rush back and be with DS.
DS then gave his dad a big speech about how hes not spending enough time with him which obviously made my OH feel very guilty as he spends as much time as he possibly can with him.
SO that evening DSS went home to his mum and told her that he wouldn't be having the usual nights with his dad that week because he wouldn't be there as he was going out with me! That wasn't at all true - we haven't made any plans at all and certainly OH hasn't mentioned anything about going out with me again in the near future.
So OH's exw got on the phone asking why on earth he was cancelling his allocated evenings to be with me and obviously OH denied this. He then spoke to his DS and asked why he said that and DS replied well I thought you would want to go out with X again so I wont bother coming over....
Now if this was a regular occurrence I could understand his point of view but it was ONE evening and it wasn't on the evening that he usually has him anyway it was only because the EXW wanted to go out. In all the time we have been together OH has always cancelled our plans to accommodate DS if the exw has plans to save him having to be with a babysitter so personally I think DSS is acting very unreasonable.
So - from my point of view (and shoot me down if you will) I think DSS is becoming jealous and sees himself as one of the adults and thinks that whenever I'm around he should be around and any going out plans should include him because that's what's happened up to now.
its very difficult approaching this subject with my OH because any suggestion that DSS is purposely playing up I get slammed and an argument starts so I'd rather have some other points of view before I go back in and have this conversation.
I don't have my own children so its very difficult for me to see it from another perspective but I feel that this should be nipped in the bud and somehow DSS needs to know that its ok for his dad to spend time with other people now and again....
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Is this jealousy?
30 replies
movingonup2015 · 24/11/2015 11:56
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