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Horrid friends of DSS

(11 Posts)
TopOfTheCliff Tue 24-Nov-15 10:04:09

I live with my DP in a house with plenty of space. We have 3 DC each who are all adults working away or studying . DSS1 is slightly autistic and has few friends and poor social skills. I am trying to sort out who is coming down for Xmas to stay as I need to plan beds etc.
DSS1 has asked if he can bring his new GF to stay. Yes of course. But can he also invite his friends to stay to meet GF too?

Back story to this is that DSS lived with DP and me after university and friend 1 came to stay. Drank heavily, slept in all morning was rude and dismissive and afterwards said he didn't like me as I was "too posh". Friend 2 came with a large dog. We were away and the boys went drinking, left the dog behind and it broke down a door and trashed the house crapping on the carpet which the boys failed to notice until we got home.
DP is a nice but easygoing man who sighs and clears up after them. He is so grateful DSS has any friends at all he fails to realise they are disrespectful users.

I don't have room for the friends do I? There are 5 more DC to accommodate and I don't like them and it is my house!

purpledasies Tue 24-Nov-15 10:13:10

Do the friends live a long way away? Or have no families of their own? If not, I'd suggest he invites them over for the day, or better still takes his new GF out to the pub or takes the dog for a walk or something to meet his friends.

TopOfTheCliff Tue 24-Nov-15 10:17:01

Both live a long way away and have only a DF. In other circumstances I would be generous and welcoming and share my home. But previous experience shows they have no respect for me or my house and none of them make any attempt to charm me, help me or thank me. Including DSS which is another matter!

FannyFanakapan Tue 24-Nov-15 10:18:39

Just say no.

Id also tell DSS why - because his friend was a rude drunk who doesnt like you and the other trashed your house with his dog and didnt even clear up after himself. Therefore neither are welcome to stay again.

EVen if he has autistic traits, he needs to understand that certain behavior is disrespectful and rude. And that you are no obliged to put up with his friends.

TopOfTheCliff Tue 24-Nov-15 10:18:45

Good idea about the walk and the pub! I shall suggest it.

VagueIdeas Tue 24-Nov-15 10:19:13

Of course you don't have to host his friends - especially as you potentially have another five children who might be staying!

The fact these friends are so rude should just strengthen your resolve. Say no.

TheABC Tue 24-Nov-15 10:21:49

Don't do it. You already have your hands full with all the DC at home and all the Christmas prep. Why on earth would you want to pick up after two ungrateful men in addition to that? Tell DSS to make alternative arrangements to meet then - maybe a pub at a halfway point on boxing day?

TopOfTheCliff Tue 24-Nov-15 10:22:26

Fanny I worry that DSS has such low expectations of friendship that he allows anybody who wants his company to befriend him without any filter. He is ripe for exploiting. Luckily he has no spare cash so they can't sponge off him but I think they see us as a cheap weekend/free B&B.

Thanks though. DP and I are usually a pushover but I am getting fed up of being used!

hampsterdam Tue 24-Nov-15 14:10:44

Just say no. Seriously they are not your problem. Unless you let them come then their rude and disrespectful behaviour will be your problem. Gf is enough. What if the 5 others want 3 guests each? You might end up with nearly 30 people round the table. Girlfriend only, I wonder how she feels about sharing her Xmas with these friends?

Wdigin2this Tue 24-Nov-15 20:01:46

I understand your point about DSS not making friends easily, but these people are obviously using him....and your home! Explain the reasons you have to refuse, and stick to your guns, I hope your DP supports you on this!

TopOfTheCliff Tue 24-Nov-15 21:12:07

DP agrees with me that these men are not good friends for DSS and are not welcome here. He doesn't like saying no and will hide behind me but is totally in agreement. I am a tough old bag and will say it like it is!
It will be very interesting to meet DSS's new GF and see whether she is another user or genuinely keen on him.
Thanks for your input people. I am a rather tentatative SM and don't like disappointing the DSC but am getting better at giving them the same boundaries my own DC have grown up with. My house my rules: treat it and me with respect or go and buy your own!

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