Hi step mums and step dads
Need some advice yet again... I'm 7 months pregnant with my second child, plus I have four of my husbands children who live with us full time (19,17,15 and 14 years old.) Times are hard as some of you reading this will have seen in my previous thread. I'm growing increasingly worried about separation anxiety with my first child who will only be 18 months when my next baby is born. Tonight my eldest SD joked that when my little baby girl is born she is going to steal her from me. I got quite defensive and said my little baby will not be leaving my arms. She then said that she would steal my son instead. I know she was only joking but I can't help but feel sad knowing that my time will become limited with my son, because of the birth of my daughter. I just never expected that I would be sharing any of my children with anyone other than my husband. Being a new mum and recently having to step into the role of step mum too is extremely challenging. Any ideas or tips on how to deal with this paranoia and how can I control my SC or at least my emotions towards everyone during this next phase in life. I can't help but feel deeply sad that I might lose the close connection I have with my little boy. I guess all us mums go through it, but how do I manage these emotions as well as the needs of my SC.
Thanks for listening once again.
Xx
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Step-parenting
Coping with new baby and DSC
rebeccahawkins2014 · 17/10/2015 19:40
I understand the feeling of sadness that, with a new baby, you'll have less time to spend with ds. Lots of second-time mums worry they'll never be able to love a new baby as much as they love the first, and that the first will feel pushed out.
But it sounds as if your 17yo dsd is willing to be hands-on helpful. Can you persuade yourself this is a blessing rather than a threat? If she's willing to cuddle your baby while you pay attention to ds, and/or play with ds while you tend to dd, you might find she's a great source of support.
Your life has been turned totally upside down recently. If you're 7 months gone, you may not even have known you were pregnant when you're suddenly invaded by a bunch of teenagers? That's a lot to take on board, and I take my hat off to you, I really do!
It's good that they're helpful kids, though I daresay there will be teen dramas in the days ahead too. How much does your dh contribute in terms of childcare?
You won't lose the closeness with your ds, I promise you that. You have many years of laughs, hugs and snuggles ahead with him, and with your dd when she comes.
(And a supply of babysitters to give you some of that time and space you need... 
)
A friend of mine has step kids with a similar age gap with her own kids.
They developed the most amazing relationship as the little ones grew up from babyhood. There was very little us/them - in their eyes, the babies were their siblings, pure and simple.
Think of it in terms of your elder child always having someone to pay attention to him / play with him if you're busy with the baby - I know that would be brilliant for my DS with my second on the way, I feel so worried about him feeling pushed out or neglected, and we have no family nearby.
Think of all the different role models your kids will have - the interests, and jobs and all those older people looking out for them, cheering them on, going to their sports matches, helping with their school projects or explaining things that aren't an area of expertise for you.
And Yeo, think of the babysitting. . DH and I get a night out together a couple of times a year and it costs a fortune in babysitting. We've figured out that we might manage a weekend away together in about 15 years' time.
I get that it's tough. But this has the potential to be something really positive for your kids. I think the key at this point is that you don't need to see them as your family - but you do need to recognise that they're your children's family.
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