Sad One! My DC wants to bond with step family but they don't..

(8 Posts)
Bananasinpyjamas1 Wed 14-Oct-15 12:33:45

I'm not sure there is anything that can be done about this - but just feel a little sad on behalf of my DC - aged 12. He's wanted so much to be part of my DPs big family but despite years together now, he knows that they just don't care about him very much.

We've been living with my DP and my DSDs for 6 years. It was just me and my son for several years, and he is very warm hearted and sociable. He was really excited about moving in with the step family, and started calling all of his step siblings his 'sisters' straight away - he's the youngest. He was happy for me to have a partner too, and took all the adjustments in his stride - not an easy thing for him, being a boy, moving in to someone else's house, being youngest.

It hasn't been easy, a bit of a roller coaster! Some of the siblings were mean for a while which I had to step in to resolve, but there have been a lot of fun times and the youngest two and my son always play together. My DP and him get on well too on the whole. Yet it is hard as there is always some action that just reminds him that he'll never be part of the 'gang' - from my DP, from the 'step siblings', and part of me feels it is a real shame. So much time spent with the other family and he does feel real affection for my DP and the siblings but they just don't back. Sigh! I guess if it hasn't happened now it never will.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Wed 14-Oct-15 12:35:19

p.s. sorry don't mean to 'drip feed' - but we do have a DC aged 3 between DP and me, who my DC absolutely adores. It looked like this migh bring that feeling of 'togetherness' but the siblings aren't that bonded with the 3 year old either.

coffeeisnectar Wed 14-Oct-15 12:40:48

My youngest dsd has no interest in my children either. She actively ignores my youngest who begs her to do things with her and she says no every time. It's really hard. His oldest is lovely and brilliant with my girls and I have real genuine affection for her as she's really helped us bond as a family. I feel the youngest sc will never accept her dad moving on or us as a family though.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Wed 14-Oct-15 12:58:54

coffee - that is a little sad too that your youngest DSD has no interest - as that barrier just wears everyone down over time in my book.

In my situation, all the DSDs are different, one used to be mean but that got loads better over time, one was bossy with my DC, one distant, and one friendly and open - and she's always helped and both me and my DC like and respect her. However, they ALL never let my DC in, (or me) - and there are huge barriers there which create a painful distance. My DC is ever optimistic, I'm just a bit heart broken watching him bash his head against a brick wall!

HormonalHeap Wed 14-Oct-15 22:56:27

I have this too- my children put so much effort in to their relationship with their step siblings, who were up for it at first- then decided they didn't want to be part of our family. I've just come to the conclusion it's just one of the disappointments my kids have to face in life. They've accepted it now and although I'm sure it hurts, I'm hoping they've just moved on.

Wdigin2this Wed 14-Oct-15 23:00:02

Oh...how sad, that's really upsetting! Don't know what to say!

Wdigin2this Wed 14-Oct-15 23:03:28

One of my DSC made it very clear, many years ago that they just didn't want to know or be part of my family! The other has blown hot and cold as it suited her, but my DC were late teens when they met the DSC, also late teens, so it hasn't really bothered them, thank goodness!

Bananasinpyjamas1 Thu 15-Oct-15 00:28:33

Hormonal and Wdigin - thanks, it probably is just something that I can't do much about, but a hard lesson for a kid to not feel part of the family that they are living with. However, as my DC is just pretty open hearted anyway, there are many, many other people in his life that do regard him as family. Including his cousins who all adore him! It's just odd to be living every day life with others who don't bond with him at all.

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