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Telling Tales

(6 Posts)
Weathergames Sun 11-Oct-15 17:57:23

I have been with OH nearly 6 yrs. We have 4 teens (3 mine 1 his and he's now 20) we have his DDs EOWE they are 8 and 10.

DSD1 has always been a bit of a "grass" which I struggle with TBH and she is constantly telling on DSD2 trying to get her into trouble. We always try to gently discourage her from doing this.

This weekend OH took them out and she basically was a PITA (answering back etc which she does A LOT ATM) and he lost his temper and shouted at her and she went to bed early that night.

When they got back here she went off to the bedroom and unbeknown to us texted her mum saying daddy had shouted and sworn (I don't know if he swore or not) and she wants to go home.

The kids live a few hours away from us and OH is based in the same town as them ATM for work but does not have suitable accomadation to have them at his IYSWIM so comes here every other weekend with them - he also has them one week night eve and gets them from school and takes them to their home and cooks them dinner (which he buys) saving ex paying for a child minder that day.

Ex (they do not get on well at the best of times and I prob have a better relationship with her) has exploded today saying how out of line he is losing it with DSD1 etc (she has heard 1 side of the story from the 10 yr old involved) and that he can no longer have the kids at hers (not sure how it's connected).

This is the third of fourth time recently that DSD1 has told "tales" to the other parent (she has told us her mum smacks her etc) and caused a huge shit storm we now are so so careful about what we say and do around them for fear of it being "reported back" and misconstrued.

Has anyone else dealt with this and if so what did you do about it?

WSM123 Sun 11-Oct-15 19:50:30

yes 6yr old DSS is constantly telling mum everything, what they ate, what they did etc. it stops his dad from doing a lot of things he wants to do because he is worried about the "shit storm" (to use your terminology) and the ex will use it as an excuse to prevent visitation (stupid word but you know what I mean).
you cant say anything because that also gets reported back but we try to remind him that what happens at out place is none of his mums business.

TillITookAnArrowToTheKnee Sun 11-Oct-15 20:46:16

This really annoys me.

My own DDs know not to pull this crap - ask long as my exDP isn't smacking them, how he chooses to discipline them is entirely up to him.

The first time eldest DD pulled "I'll tell Daddy, he'll let me" I said "Nah, I'll tell him myself now" and rang him. He told me to put him on speaker, so I did. He told DD (then 6) that Mummy was right in taking away her screen time for the next day and that if he was here it would be more than one day. Nipped it straight in the bud. Happened that once, hasn't happened since.

I know if exDP shouts its because he's been pushed. And vice versa.

Weathergames Sun 11-Oct-15 20:59:59

They've now both been given the option to not come next time hmm

TillITookAnArrowToTheKnee Sun 11-Oct-15 21:56:02

weather Well that's just bloody ridiculous. I can't understand these women at all. I'd be really annoyed if exDP let DDs run riot all weekend because he was worried they'd not want to come any more. Children need consistent boundaries no matter whether they are at Mums or Dads. And opting out of contact because they've been punished for misbehaving is just hmm

Zampa Thu 15-Oct-15 17:14:26

We have this situation with my 9 year old DSS. He's accused his Dad of physical violence and me of favouring his younger sibling with material goods that I won't let him share with his older brother. All nonsense. Sadly, DH's divorce was very acrimonious and we can't go addressing the issues as Knee has above. Ex wants to believe the lies so she can restrict access. It's so sad.

I'm not sure if the lies are because DSS doesn't want to visit us or if he's trying to please his Mum with tales of his "Bad Dad".

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