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DH makes no effort with son

(6 Posts)
WhoGivesAFlying Thu 24-Sep-15 08:53:31

That's it really, he's taken him to play school twice when he first started, never really takes him out and never sets aside time with him.

It really bothered me at first but I'm
Learning to realise he will never put the same amount of effort into our son as he does he's older two. He sees the importance in the little things like picking up from school, making a special effort and one on one time.

I don't bring it up anymore as it just causes an argument and he will never change. I know ds has him here all the time but it's not what I would call quality time. He's like a different dad when the dsc are here, and that's the dad I though our ds would get.

Oh well, better go and do the school run while DH lays in bed.

HormonalHeap Thu 24-Sep-15 11:13:52

If that's the reality then I can only suppose it's guilt on your dh's part as he's "in situ" with your son all day. I wouldn't be able to stop myself saying something though as of course it's going to cause resentment. I don't blame you at all.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Thu 24-Sep-15 15:24:02

I wonder if, rather than asking him to do special things, you could just organise that for him? Just starting with some of the things you think might make a difference - e.g. your DS doing an activity and then saying that you can't take him, but your DP can. Make an excuse not to do the school run one day, take an exercise class or something.

Sounds like he needs a bit of a kick!

Yellowpansies Thu 24-Sep-15 16:04:56

Why is he laying in bed? Does he work late? Or not work and just leave everything to you? Maybe a routine where he does the breakfast and nursary run on specific days of the week could help?

It might be because you're always around with DS, so he leaves you to get on with it, whereas he has to be the main parent to his other DC - when he has them at least - because he's not with their DM anymore. He's probably also aware that he needs to make the effort with the older two or he won't have a relationship with them, whereas he can take your DS for granted.

A good tactic - as suggested above - could be to go out more on your own, or maybe take your DSC out with you to give your DH some one to one time with his youngest. Or if he does ocassionally engage well with DS, make sure to tell him how happy it made DS.

I have a different setup from you in that my DH is not my DC's dad, but still sometimes feel a bit sad that he doesn't have that much to do with them. I think part of the problem is that in the week he's in 'work mode' and leaves the kids up to me. At the weekend he's in 'dad mode', which is when we have his DC with us, but then he's busy with them. Creating a bit of time when your DH is with DS, and not working, and not with the DSC either might help a bit.

WhoGivesAFlying Thu 24-Sep-15 18:00:13

He's self employed so can re arrange things when he's "tired" (wish I could do that). As I do t work he sees all domestic stuff as my job...and he's the earner. If I made arrangements and told him I couldn't do it ds would miss out.

I've decided he's a controlling arsehole and I'm gonna sort my shit and try and leave. We've split befor but he wanted back, said he loves me, needs ds...but it soon came out in bits that if it wasn't for me, his relationship with his kids would suffer. Douchebag!!

tootsalina Fri 25-Sep-15 11:25:38

I'm usually the last one to say LTB but in this case if you leave him he will be a better father to your son and you won't have to put up with his selfish attitude anymore.

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