When to kick them out/tough love

[Kman7000]

Have 19 yr old no job no school who's playing his mother now with suicidal threats and depression. He's an admitted pathological liar and I know he's just trying another tact to stay on the gravy train. His
Mom and I are very different ref parenting, but my kids (2) are very successful and hers (4) are all highly problematic. I think it was their upbringing. We need help.

[StanSmithsChin]

Have you discussed options with your DW?
What does she think is best for her children?

I hope you don't constantly beat it home how successful yours are and how shit hers are that is never a good start to trying to agree on parenting.

[yellowdaisies]

Is he claiming benefits? He should be able to claim JSA - which might take the pressure off you feeling like he's sponging off the gravy train. It will also mean the jobcentre put some pressure on him to find a job, or offer help with applying for jobs, getting trained, etc.

If he's saying he's depressed, then he should be encouraged strongly to go to the GP - maybe he is, maybe he'll get some counselling or antidepressants that might help.

If your two are very successful and your DP's are struggling she's likely to be well aware of that and feeling a bit shit about it - so I'd try whenever possible to highlight anything that any of hers are doing well, or reminisce about any times you can remember with yours when they were giving you a hard time (If you're telling me your kids have grown up to be highly successful without ever testing their parents in any way, I won't believe you!), to help her see that kids can change.

[fedupbutfine]

and if he is actually depressed and having suicidal thoughts?

'Success' is difficult to define and means different things to different people. I personally value people over what they may (or may not) have achieved in life. I don't think much of people willing to look at me and tell me what a bad job they think I've done compared to the wonderful job they think they've done, whether it relates to children or anything else. I would always welcome input from people who were willing to see the best in me, no matter how hard things might be in a given moment, however.