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(28 Posts)
Matilda2013 Wed 12-Aug-15 19:46:54

What do other SM do regarding this? My oh has one dsd who will be five in December and used to go to his exes house open presents there drive around opening presents at various other relatives with ex and dsd during the day and then have dinner with ex and in laws before taking dsd home with him. Now that we live together he won't be having dinner with them but do other SMs have the ex in their house for present opening etc?

Cavort Wed 12-Aug-15 20:24:13

We've tried various set-ups which don't involve going round to ex's or having ex at ours. If we do a handover half way through Christmas day we find DSD's day is a bit rushed with both sets of parents, so our preferred option is to pretend it's Christmas Day on another day IYSWIM and let DSD spend actual Christmas Day with her Mum and Mum's family. It's not ideal but it makes the best of a bad situation. And it means we get to have 2 Christmas dinners. grin

Philoslothy Wed 12-Aug-15 20:28:34

Dss mother comes to us for the Christmas season.

LemonPied Wed 12-Aug-15 20:35:36

We do 'Christmas Day' with DSD on Christmas Eve and drop her home in the evening. She has younger siblings and it wouldn't be fair on them to be separated on Christmas Day. She understands that she has two families and this way everyone who loves her gets to spend Christmas with her.

JeSuisMois Wed 12-Aug-15 20:38:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

K888 Wed 12-Aug-15 20:41:15


I have done an 'alternative' Christmas 1 or 2 weeks before with all the step kids/my kids and our son together, with OH and me. We do a 'secret santa' - one present each, crackers, play games.

Then alternative Christmas we have turns at the kids at the actual day, but unfortunately they are never all together, and whichever parent has them - does all the present opening with them. If either of us want to just give our kids the present before or after Xmas just from us then we would do that.

Chasingsquirrels Wed 12-Aug-15 20:52:05

My children alternate Christmas Day between me and their dad, handover 10am Boxing Day.

We have Christmas with them either Christmas Eve (so they get Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at home with their presents before going to their dad's on Boxing Day) or Christmas Day or on Boxing Day.

They also have Christmas with their dad either on Christmas Day or Boxing Day.

They get separate presents from both of us, occasionally we have brought a joint present and this tends to be physically given by whichever parent they are with on Christmas Day, or their birthday.

There is no joint present opening, no joint celebrations, no joint anything.

ScoutRifle Thu 13-Aug-15 07:41:12

I can't be bothered to do Christmas twice.
I give my ex the dcs presents for them to open on Christmas Day.
He sends me pictures & videos throughout the day.
Christmas every other year suits me fine as I can game all day when my ex has them. grin

NZmonkey Thu 13-Aug-15 08:02:00

We either have DSD Christmas eve till midday ish on Christmas day. Or pick up midday Christmas day till boxing day. And then swap the next year. Santa even visits both houses.

Matilda2013 Thu 13-Aug-15 09:32:20

I think dsd will probably stay at her mums then come see us and her dads family for a little as they don't fuss about Christmas, just wanted a general idea of whether I should be letting dsd mum join in in our house when I'd rather my first Christmas was definitely just us

lunar1 Thu 13-Aug-15 10:56:47

Why not go together to pick dsd up and have a drink all together for 30 mins. That way it's not in your home but it's still maintaining some of the tradition that your dsd has got used to.

She may really look forward to having all her family together for a bit at Christmas. It would be better for it to be adapted slightly and include you, otherwise she may think everything had to change when sm came along and resent you for it.

Matilda2013 Thu 13-Aug-15 11:40:23

We may still have some time with dsd mum altogether although she did have last Christmas some time with me and her dad and my family as well as with her mum dad and all the other families. Luckily for us she takes everything and loves being spoiled and loved by everyone wherever she goes. My original view when we moved is that we would probably let her mum come for Xmas as we all get along (reasonably well.. Doesn't mean I don't have days where I'm not a fan of mum) but especially for our first Christmas together in this house (where dsd mum has already had Christmas with them both) I felt it should maybe just be us. Obviously none of this is going to be organised until like the day before Christmas (probably) as both of dsd parents are like that... Much for my sins as the organised piece if this relationship!!

Matilda2013 Thu 13-Aug-15 11:43:03

Although I have spent this whole morning feeling ridiculously broody and proud since dsd started school! Left that to dp and dsd mum and their families so I've been looking at pictures and being super happy! (And then freaking dp out by telling him I can't wait to do all this smile )

IAmLynetteScavo Thu 13-Aug-15 11:45:49

We also alternate one year with us for Christmas Eve until Boxing Day and the next with Ex. I have absolutely no desire to spend my favourite day of the year with my arsehole ex.

happygirl87 Thu 13-Aug-15 11:47:07

We usually alternate having DSD Christmas Day/Boxing Day- the day we have her we go to PILs (so if it's Boxing Day we'd spend Christmas Day with my DM). Presents are opened the day we have her, and we do our presents to/from PIL as well, but we don't have "another Christmas" if it's Boxing Day, ie no second church-and-turkey-dinner! Whoever does pick up/drop off, DH or his Ex, will usually go into the other's house for an hour and have a drink and exchange token gifts for family as well. I always breathe a sigh of relief when that bits over!

Matilda2013 Thu 13-Aug-15 11:49:59

Oh I have no idea about gifts etc. I assume his family still buy for his ex (they're all weirdly over friendly still) but she prefers money from dp as she says he's rubbish at presents...
I think I'll be happier once I've done one of these and we've got a rough idea how it goes. Being the organised one of the three co parenting people means I'm the only one thinking about this!

lunar1 Thu 13-Aug-15 12:05:08

Bloody hell...the day before!!! I could not be part of anything that involves Christmas being planned the day before. LTB, how the hell can you plan the turkey. (I'm mostly joking, but if it got to Christmas week and I didn't know the arrangements I'd probably spontaneously combust)

Matilda2013 Thu 13-Aug-15 12:24:50

Luckily everyone will have dinner plans. But I imagine arrangements for dsd will be left last minute. I love Christmas though and I am ridiculously excited about the whole thing smile

mercedesbenz1979 Fri 14-Aug-15 12:10:08

For 7 yrs we have had SD for either christmas or new year then next year change over it works but just be aware over time it gets harder and usually if it is a girl they ruin christmas day for everyone and the other parent spoils them so much they look down on gifts you have picked out because they end up so spoiled. I dont know anyone who has not suffered this I prefer getting her New Year now

SoupDragon Fri 14-Aug-15 12:38:37

usually if it is a girl they ruin christmas day for everyone


Matilda2013 Fri 14-Aug-15 12:44:20

Yeah I don't think that was needed. Dsd is lovely and we will work to ensure she isn't too spoiled and I am sure boys can be just as spoiled. Sounds like you've had a poor experience though.

supermariossister Fri 14-Aug-15 12:56:28

bit harsh, any child is capable of behaving spoilt. we alternate Christmas and have never found that they compare presents or look down on what they receive at either house. sounds like you have had a difficult time but doesn't mean everyone has the same situation.

supermariossister Fri 14-Aug-15 12:59:30

sorry didn't answer op but Christmas is alternated so this year sc are with mum until tea time Christmas day. so we will do Christmas eve and morning with ds then do it all again Christmas day night to boxing day morning. we toyed with other ways of doing it over the years but this seems to work best. ds usually has some presents Christmas day some boxing day.

Matilda2013 Sun 16-Aug-15 19:24:37

Guess we'll probably stick to a shared Christmas Day and probably let her mum have her at night as I think we're keeping her this New Year's Eve as we had it free last year smile already looking at some my little pony toys but no idea about a "big" present as she already seems to have everything. Any ideas for a five year old???

sootyx Sun 16-Aug-15 20:03:31

Me and my DP alternate, last year she had Christmas Eve with us, then Christmas Day with her Mum and then Boxing Day with us. This year it'll be the other way round unless DSD decides who she wants to be with.

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