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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

fussy eater

37 replies

K8eee · 09/08/2015 15:15

dss is nearly 9 but is one he'll of a fussy eater. made Fajitas last night for dinner (which he agreed to), pepper and onions were diced but he decided to pick out each bit of vegetable. I made a tikka masala the night he got here, knowing he liked it, he didn't want it because he didn't like it. dd will eat pretty much anything, but dh thinks I'm being unfair that I have the attitude of, you either eat it or go hungry. dh keeps wanting to please him.by giving him something else that he wants, I ended up saying to dh would he do that for dd but he didn't respond. just wondered if anyone else had any fussy dsc. I'm pulling my hair out as we have a week left of him staying with us but I'm running out of dinner ideas

OP posts:

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mummyneedinganswers · 09/08/2015 15:56

My wee cousin won't eat anything that touches each other so if it's peas chips n sausages nothing on the plate can touch. He eats mince ND pasta but won't eat spaghetti bolognese as it is mixed. Some kids go through a face of fussy eating. My niece won't eat chicken anymore and won't touch gravy or any vegetAbles and it's a night mare cooking for her .

Some kids are just fussy x

Neverenuff · 09/08/2015 16:05

Ok I tend to agree with eat or go hungry especially if it's something they previously ate. I would rush to make something straight away but I'd prob make a sandwich once I had finished. And that would be it. Not a second dinner. No chance.

My dss refused to eat potatoes for long enough but we kept putting them on his plate and inevitably he would eat them. He was just being awkward.

I'd persevere and make whatever you are making. If he eats it great if not then he can wait til you are all finished and he can make a sandwich ( he can do it he is old enough to make a sandwich) that way he will get fed up with that and maybe start eating your food again.

DoreenLethal · 09/08/2015 16:06

Why doesn't his dad cook him a meal?

MsColouring · 09/08/2015 16:51

Really Doreen? Because they are a blended family the adults should cook separate meals for their own children?

OP, how frequently do you have dss? If you don't have him that often could you just stick to giving him things he does like?

Things that have worked for us with fussy eating:
Completely blending sauces eg bolognaise so that you can't see the vegetables.
Serving thing separately on the plate so for example putting pasta, bolognaise and cheese separately on the plate instead of mixing.
Serving things up in the middle so they can take their own.
Keep putting things on the plate until they give in and eat it.

DoreenLethal · 09/08/2015 16:56

Really Doreen? Because they are a blended family the adults should cook separate meals for their own children?

They aren't blended when there are different rules for different kids.

He wants his kid to eat different food to that which the rest of the family are eating so perhaps he should cook it.

totallybewildered · 09/08/2015 17:00

Really Doreen? Because they are a blended family the adults should cook separate meals for their own children?

"blended" means nothing, the father is responsible for his own child, end of. it is fair enough for the OP to offer the step child food, but if it is turned down, what happens next is not the OPs business or concern, it is up to the father,

CocaKoala · 09/08/2015 17:00

We've gone through this with DSC. However, it is literally just to be fussy and because they want to pick what we eat or have something made especially for them.

If it's genuinely something they don't like (which we know 100 percent) then we won't put on their plate or will try and accommodate an alternative. But I've caught my dsc out a few times where they've gone 'I don't like this' and only a few weeks later is eating that said thing. When questioned on it they'd go 'But I have to be in the mood for it!'

Now it's a case of 'You have the same as everyone else and if you don't eat it then it's up to you.' I can't be doing with the pandering to making what they feel like at the time and if we did it would only continue to get worse.

If they haven't eaten the family meal for being fussy then we will allow toast as a last resort. As I said above though, it's only when we know they're being fussy because it's not something they fancy at that particular time. If it's something they genuinely detest then we try and work around that particular item. But that is because we know it's a real dislike and we already know in advance.

EatSleepRepeat · 09/08/2015 17:49

I'm an eat or go hungry mum, that includes my own dc . I don't cook anything I know they don't like, I think they (especially my 9yr dsc) just mean they don't want that particular thing but say they don't like it so as to get something else. Never gonna happen unless dh panders to them and he won't

EatSleepRepeat · 09/08/2015 17:51

I also won't disguise food. Dsc 9 has been told all meat is chicken!!! It has caused problems when we've gone out and ordered food knowing it's liked but because it's called by its real name it get pushed away

MuttonCadet · 09/08/2015 17:55

Eat what everyone is eating or eat toast is the rule here.

But we have cancelled holidays to exotic locations because kids won't try other foods. That seems to have a made a slight difference.

EatSleepRepeat · 09/08/2015 18:01

Can you start off with toned down "exotic" food at home? Then step it up? This worked wonders with my dsc, they love curry now (not that is call that exotic!

K8eee · 09/08/2015 18:02

He's been like it for as long as I can remember. the thing is when he's with his mum he'll reluctantly try something new, whereas with us he won't. dh is a massive soft touch too and let's him fanny around at dinner time. tonight it's Spaghetti and meatballs......I'm already dreading dinner

OP posts:

wishingchair · 09/08/2015 18:03

My almost 9yo dd who previously ate everything is now being ultra picky. My older Dd also hates stuff all mixed together - she'll also pick out onions so I tend to chop them quite big so this is straight forward or really tiny! I also agree with putting things separately on the table. Curry would be bowl of rice, pan of curry, and anything else. That way everyone can get the quantities of what they want. I also tend to put salad out with meals like that then if he tried but didn't like the curry, he could have rice and salad. Sorted.

DD1 was incredibly picky - she's now 12 and is so much easier. Just let her try stuff at her own pace. Far less traumatic for all involved!!

K8eee · 09/08/2015 18:06

dh is terrible for pandering to dss. it really infuriates me. I feel I need need a massive rant but I think I'll just be being nasty

OP posts:

wishingchair · 09/08/2015 18:06

Spaghetti and meatballs - bowl of pasta, bowl of meatballs, some cheese, salad. Let him help himself. As long as he has something (eg spaghetti and cheese and salad) then that's fine isn't it? DD1 would not like a big ready mixed bowl but would be far more happy being able to control it herself.

EatSleepRepeat · 09/08/2015 18:08

I blame those plates kids get that divide food for not wanting it mixed or touching. My dsis gave me one and I've never used it!

wishingchair · 09/08/2015 18:09

All I'd say is food can be really stressful for some kids (and parents). Think yourself fortunate that your DD isn't picky. Mine all started off eating everything!! Honestly, letting him help himself rather than playing it all up for him may be easier for him to enjoy a meal and far less stressful for you. And that way there should be no pandering needed.

wishingchair · 09/08/2015 18:11

EatSleepRepeat - we didn't use one of those plates. One day she was happy to eat say fish pie, the next not at all. But she would eat mash, fish, veg, cheese sauce - just not mixed together.

EatSleepRepeat · 09/08/2015 18:14

That would drive me crazy and tbh I wouldn't be separating anything. But that's just me and I know the kids will eat if they are hungry. No grazing and I have time limits on how long there is to eat (as per super nanny)

EatSleepRepeat · 09/08/2015 18:21

I do understand how frustrating it must be to think your child isn't eating enough, I went through a phase with my own ds, that when I got all the Super nanny tips. You just want them to be ok, I think I was more stressed than him

wishingchair · 09/08/2015 18:21

She was 2 then. She's now older. Don't massively separate anything now (other than pasta/rice and sauce) but generally everything is on the table and everyone helps themselves. This worked for us (having had a long long long time of "eat it or go hungry", no pandering, no grazing, no other food choices) and enabled her to get over her food issues in her own time. And made mealtimes far more enjoyable for all. Which is ultimately what it's about - sitting down together, chatting etc.

EatSleepRepeat · 09/08/2015 18:23

Yep, that's real family time, all round the table.....and no stress

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queenrollo · 09/08/2015 18:26

in this house it's my DS from a previous relationship who is fussy. The biggest success we had was dishing up in serving bowls and letting him help himself. I always cooked a meal that had at least one element he would reliably eat and then other stuff that the rest of us enjoyed too. I stopped hassling him about it, but if he complained meals were boring then it was tough....he had one thing he could eat, if he wasn't willing to try the other food that was his lookout.

I've done nothing different between Ds1 and Ds2....and DS 2 is a gannet who will eat everything.

You have my sympathies though as having a fussy eater is hard and my DH loves to cook, and found it so frustrating that the nights he had time to really experiment in the kitchen are the nights we have DS1 with us and he turned his nose up at it all.

wheresthelight · 09/08/2015 18:27

I have similar issues with my dad (12) in so much as one week he will eat sausage n mash and then next time he doesn't like it.

I am afraid I am very much of the opinion you eat what is out in front on you (assuming it's something I know they will eat) or you go hungry until the next meal time. I will only do an alternative (cheese on toast for example) if it's something they have never tried before. However I will insist that they try 3-4 mouthfuls before they are allowed to say they don't like it.

Dsd is much better as she will try new things without the drama.

alwaysabattle · 09/08/2015 18:44

I havnt read all the posts but I think you Abu. Not all kids are fussy because they want to be they have deep rooted problems/fears with food, and will go hungry rather than eat what they can't. I speak as a mother to 2 ds and my eldest suffers with this and all the help under the moon hasn't helped even phycologists and I would be fuming if my ds was left to go hungry and yes I cook different for him every night.

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