Unhealthy relationship advise plz(8 Posts)
hi all , first time posting on here just need some feed back on my relationship of 5 months . A bit about me , I'm a 45year old mum of two girls and have history of an extremely emotionally and physically abusive ex whom I have a 5 year restraining order against , he's not allowed contact as he has been deemed un fit by a judge, anyway I survived and went through Crown court and Family court representing myself at times to rid my little family of this evil man whom almost brought me to my knees , I have been left with an anxiety disorder that I try hard to not let define me in any way . I have held down a job for 24 years and put a roof and fed my girls myself and they are growing up fast and making me incredibly proud along the way.
Anyway back to the position I find my self in now , I started dating a man in Feb after meeting on a well know dating site , he's a nice enough guy but incredibly insecure as his 2 x wives cheated on him .
Now I have been cheated on and would never do this to him, his problem is Facebook and me having single male friends , he hates it and gives me constant grief asking who is this bloke who is that bloke , how long have you known him , I have had to take of 2 male friends on there as it wasn't worth the grief , what made it worse was that I mentioned one had asked me out ages ago but I wasn't interested , so my fault for being honest ,
We talk about it time and time again and about how he makes me feel like I'm constantly justifying myself to him , also Whatsapp probing to be a problem as in , you were on line at such and such a time who was u talking to , and he gets upset if I don't txt good morning and good night , Now this is driving me insane , but he feels he's right I'm wrong and how would I feel if the shoe was on the other foot .
Ive ended a four year friendship with a man whom I had been briefly in a relationship with but remained email odd txt buddies but he hated it , I did it for him , I've took 2 males off Facebook , there's so much more that is not sitting right with me ,remember I had the biggest EA ex out there and know the signs , I've tried to end it but I'm so soft I end up giving in and going back it adding another failed relationship to my list I hate the thought of so I carry on in the hope it will get better , can you be gentle with me please and just give me some outside perspective , thanks in advance
He isn't the man for you. This sounds really draining. You have a right to be friends with whoever you like. Not all men are like this and there will be someone better for you out there. Being alone would be better than this constant scrutiny.
How often do you see each other? Can you start distancing yourself fro him? Are you worried about ending it? This isn't a failed relationship, it's a relationship where the man wasn't right for you.
He sounds very controlling. Personally I'd run for the hills
No way. Run for the hills and start to do some work on your own self confidence and inability to tell a decent bloke from a controlling, aggressive bully.
So many warning signs here, if you can't see them then I would worry for you to be honest.
I think you know this is not right. His behaviour is very controlling and is not normal.
You might want to post this in relationships where there are MNers with experience of these relationships that can also offer you advice too.
you are NOT his ex's and he needs to realise that. a new relationship is a new start not somewhere you can dump your baggage from the previous one. right now he is not in a place where you can have a relationship with him. because he will only get worse. Red flags everywhere on this one. no matter what anyones 'reasons', the moment they start influencing you into dropping friends and question your every move it's time to end it. do you want a repeat of your ex?
No two ways about it, you need to make it clear to him that he can't defined you and your relationship by what has experienced with his ex-wives. If he can't move on from thinking that history is going to repeat itself, then he is not prepared to be in a new relationship.
You need to be firm and DON'T ever go with his demands for an easy life. That's telling him that he is right and you are wrong. Tell him that you will answer his questions, but only once.
Ultimately, he is going to be injured and if you care for him, you might be prepared to be patient and give him some reassurance, but not if it is going to suffocate you and affect your confidence. It is HIS problem and he needs to deal with it.
This isn't really a step parenting problem but I say RUN
Better a failed 5 month relationship than more years of emotional abuse. Youve done so well to get free of your ex - don't get yourself another one!!!
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