Am I being the bad guy?

[IceniMist]

DSS 19 lives with us 50/50.
Left college last May and has had some cash in hand jobs found by parents / siblings. Recently we found drug paraphernalia in his room and debris of 'skunk'. Nothing indicates anything 'harder'. He says he stared smoking it a year ago and only about 10 times. I feel like our trust has been breached by it obviously have been in the house.

He is here this week, and hasn't worked since last week. He is out late at night and getting in, which is what young people do, I just wonder what he is doing. I feel fed up he hadn't lifted a finger to help this week or tried to find a non cash in hand job. DH keeps saying he will address but his talks really don't do anything.

I work compressed hours so get home, pick up DD 3, do dinner, DD bed then work.

The last couple of nights DSS decided didn't want the meals I made.

This morning after DD kicking off and DSS staying in bed as no work, DH asked if he was in for dinner. I said I wouldn't be cooking for someone who is at home all day or out with mates. DH walks off muttering something in a nasty tone under his breath. They are now all close nit and I feel like the person in the wrong. I can't even say 'why hasn't DSS done the job we left him? ' without DH making me feel shit. It's been turned around onto me.

[Kkaty]

I think this is common for a SP - reading the boards here. If you were his Mum and did the same - you wouldn't get the same feeling of blame and isolation. Why don't OH's back the SPs up? Annoying.

Not sure what the solution is. I find the same. My OH probably backs up his Ex even when she rejects her kids - but if I am less than perfectly nice I get the same 'ganging up'.

[Wdigin2this]

Same old story, is he a house guest or a member of the household...and isn't it all so frustrating!