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Ridiculously toucy DP regarding his kudd

(19 Posts)
Marilynz Wed 01-Jul-15 05:00:41

I honestly can't say a word right about his kids. He can slag my boys off from morning till night but If I dare say a word about his little treasures its all out war. It's ridiculous. He says my kids are lazy yet he has a 20 year old who has never worked a day in his life and has just decided to take a "gap year" after finally finishing college with absolutely no plans in place. So basically he intends to bum around for a year. God forbid I say anything though but if if was my kid he'd be on it like a fly around shit. Monday I asked how his lad was as i saw he was talking to him on Skype. He launched into a verbal assault about how his conversations with his son are private and I had no right asking etc etc!!! I only asked how the kid was!!! When they're here his youngest (18) eats and drinks tons on stuff that my kids are told they have to ask for/ration. If I say anything it's world war 3. His eldest will make a racket in his room until the early hours, if I say anything I'm a trouble causing wench who is just out to upset everyone. If I dare to suggest that his 20 year old actually bring some of his own money with him when staying with us its practically a hanging offence, even though my kids are expected to save for a pay their way. It's fucking egg shells all the time. I have no voice.

marriednotdead Wed 01-Jul-15 05:17:51

You don't need a voice. You just need your legs. Start walking and keep going.

Being a stepparent is a thankless task at the best of times and with the abuse you and your children are getting, there is nothing I can see worth staying for.

Chottie Wed 01-Jul-15 05:30:22

OP - please read your post again and think about why you are really with this man. He does not sound caring, loving or particularly kind to either you or your children. Do you want to spend the rest of your life walking on eggshells? ......

Marilynz Wed 01-Jul-15 05:39:18

He is honestly driving me to the edge. Even if I say something nice about his kids I'm pushed back and told that I don't really understand things.

If I say something like "Oh DSS2 was in a good mood this weekend!" he'll reply with "oh you don't know him though, I wouldn't try and work him out." confused why such a massive drama over a small positive comment?

I even tried to make light of DSS1's ridiculous gap year by saying "maybe it will give him the break he needs to find his way ... " etc and he replies with "yeah well to be honest you don't really understand him" ffs it's all so pointless.

He says I don't encourage him to spend time with his kids (or rather that it's my fault that he hardly sees them, even though he sees them every weekend!!!!) so on father's day I said "hey I had an idea, why not take the boys out to pub on Sunday for fathers day?"

All said with a smile and enthusiasm and in response I get "umm maybe".

Did he take them? did he bollocks. Yet it won't be long before he tells me it's all my fault that he never gets quality time with them.

DocHollywood Wed 01-Jul-15 05:53:40

What an arsehole. It doesn't sound like he likes you or your children much at all. Life's too short to put up with that kind of hassle.

Costacoffeeplease Wed 01-Jul-15 07:57:22

You've got a couple of threads on the go at the moment, any one of them is enough to LTB, put them together and he's a complete nightmare. Cancel the wedding now and leave

DoreenLethal Wed 01-Jul-15 08:00:02

How many more threads to realise this man is a complete cunt?

Don't marry him and don't hang around waiting for everything in the world to be your fault.

AlisonBlunderland Wed 01-Jul-15 08:08:21

If this is Glastonbury guy, then I really don't understand why you two are even together let alone considering getting married

Penfold007 Wed 01-Jul-15 08:16:42

OP you've had the benefit of lots of sound advice and support on your other posts. When are you going to start protecting your children from this abusive situation?

basgetti Wed 01-Jul-15 08:17:42

Box room guy again? Why are you continuing to subject your children to this man, who treats them so badly?

DragonWithAGirlTattoo Wed 01-Jul-15 08:24:22

Is this 'getting married next may, should I cancel'?

Are you getting ANYTHING good from this man/relationship? ?

Why are you with him?

CocaKoala Wed 01-Jul-15 08:53:07


What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? Having a partner is about being a team. If he shows such contempt towards your children why are you with the man?

He berates you, slags of your kids and puts himself and his children on some sort of pedestal and certainly doesn't see you all as one team and as an equal adult partner. And given the age his kids are he isn't going to change his attitude any time soon.

I'd weigh up the pros and cons of your relationship and honestly ask yourself - can you continue to live like this?

You deserve so much better and so do your poor children. You and them certainly shouldn't accept being treated and spoken to like something underneath somebody's shoe.

lunar1 Wed 01-Jul-15 11:14:52

Step parenting is not the issue here, though he is using it to control you. This isn't about any of your children it's about him having power over you.

SylvaniansAtEase Wed 01-Jul-15 11:23:20

Look up and open your eyes to the big picture.

Do you want to look back and regret spending precious years of your only life with a massive turd of a man who does nothing but drag you down? Do you want to overhear your precious children say things like 'Well, upbringing wasn't great, to be honest, my mum's partner was horrible and really affected me... he treated her like shit too but she never had the guts to leave him'. Do you want to be stuck looking at his scowling ugly face when you're old, sad that your kids don't want to visit because of him, spending time with HIS grandchildren not yours and still being called names, picked on, made miserable?

If so - go for it! It's YOUR LIFE.

Forget the money - count it as rent.

Cancel the wedding.

Pack your bags with joy and watch your kids beam with delight and START A NEW LIFE!!

Pooseyfrumpture Wed 01-Jul-15 11:43:20

Why have you started at least 3 different threads in three different places about this arsehole of a man? You don't like him, no one's making you marry him. Just LTB. You don't need our permission.

AgathaF Wed 01-Jul-15 12:51:28

You've posted numerous times about him. You know there's a problem. You know he's vile to your DC.

The question is, what are you actually going to do about it?

GatoradeMeBitch Wed 01-Jul-15 17:11:54

What depresses me about this kind of thread is that they all seem to go the same way.

The OP never seems to want to get into a conversation with anyone, they just want to vent about how shit things are, with no intention of making any changes.

All I'll say OP is that you are not going to have a happy future with this man. He doesn't respect you and he doesn't see you as family (his comments say that loud and clear). And far worse, he dislikes your dc's, and they have no choice but to put up with him.

You must have at least one option that is better than this?

Wdigin2this Sun 05-Jul-15 11:53:35

I cannot imagine why you're even wasting time typing this thread, and I haven't read your others! Your life with this guy and his DC is obviously miserable, and goodness knows what it's doing to your own DC....pack your keyboard and everything else, and take your family right out of there!

fuzzywuzzy Sun 05-Jul-15 12:15:24

Why are you with him?

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