Talk

Advanced search

What happens if we just reduce child maintenance ??

(191 Posts)
chablisfan Wed 01-Jul-15 00:32:01

Hi
Would really appreciate some constructive advice
Please please please no step mummy bashing.. I do not have poisonous apples and I think they are beautiful and amazing kids. Ok ? ☀️��please be nice.

Have DSS 8, DSD 5 and DSD 4
Also my DS 8 ( I divorced when he was 3)
DP shares with his ex 60/40 residence order.

DP had separated from and lived apart from ex before youngest born for reasons it isn't my place to post .. But it was more than understandable he chose to leave... Trust me on that one..... Plenty of eye witnesses etc.
if you have ever been in the divorcee late 30s dating arena then you will know all their ex wife's are " mental" ( usually an emotionally unsupportive ex husband referring to Post natal depression there ) ... But there is the odd genuine crazy lady out there ⚡️

I met him a year later. We are in process of slowly "blending " the 2 sets of kids and so far so good... Play dates, weekends, progressing onto holidays etc....plan to buy house together. My son and I will move to Scotland , where they live, from London so we can all be together as much as possible as DP travels for work so much.

Reading some books on it, getting some advice, having a few 5 minute sulks at each other and then realising amazing kids are just getting on with it beautifully thank you very much and we can open the wine now!!

He tried to keep divorce as amicable and low key as possible for all. He was financially very generous to the ex.. In fact she wouldn't agree to the divorce and withheld the children etc etc to procure even more money... Basically he paid through her through the nose in order to secure a split residence order....this has just been done. ��

They drew up a childcare and financial arrangements agreement ( Scotland so slightly different divorce procedure) he voluntarily paid all legal costs.
He pays her 1200 a month .. Well Above csa ... And mortgaged himself and borrowed from parents to leave her mortgage free. She got half pension also. He just wanted to get away from her but not lose his Kids and accepted she wasn't going do it unless she got cash. she retained her own assets from before the marriage.. He pretty much gave her his.

She was working freelance occasionally.
Now she is working permanently
For some reason her yearly earnings slip went to his address.. Same last name so easily opened. Omg �� she is earning a lot of money. Nearly as much as him given tax situation.

Yet she keeps pleading poverty and asking for half her au pair costs etc. He and now we pay for clothes and toys for them .. DSS don't even have dolls at home or dress up princess stuff and kept turning up looking like Amish kids in dungarees. It makes them happy so that's great and they are so lovely ... But where does her child maintenance go ??????

So... I am getting to the point i promise..
In the divorce agreement she insisted on the wording " pay £1200 a month maintenance or csa whatever is the greater" .
Is he able to reduce his monthly maintenance payment to her something nearer csa ( actually £ 800 when she wasn't working but given her wages actually less, although we don't want to risk the kids going without)

???????

My spousal maintenance from my ex is going to stop when I move in with DP. I have sole custody of DS but I work part time at a job I love but isn't going to pay the mortgage ( just extras really ) and DP has a great job he loves with super perks for us as a family... Pays welllish but tax man really gets the main perk. So we are up against it

We want to send kids to private secondary school if we can (the 2 boys both seem to need smaller class sizes and we have had some
Bullying issues which were really upsetting) ... Neither ex will help with fees.

It isn't really possible for DP and their mum to sit down and chat it over... She really has a lot of bitterness toward him for going against God and nature and breaking up the family etc. and I am the whore of Babylon obviously so not me either.

Anybody know how it works?
If he just reduces the monthly amount is he going to be in huge trouble ? I am pretty sure from my googling he does have grounds to reduce it but given that line in the court order ????

Every time you ask a solicitor a question it costs about a million quid!!

Really grateful and sorry such a long winded essay here!!

.

Oswin Wed 01-Jul-15 00:47:26

I think court orders for maintenance expire after a year.
Her wages does not affect how much your dp should pay her though.

Binkleflip Wed 01-Jul-15 00:52:21

cannot understand how you got her payslip, sounds very odd.

SurlyCue Wed 01-Jul-15 00:57:52

Umm, you dont really get to decide that his 3 DC go to private school. That is a discussion for their parents. Their mother kind of has to agree to it!

chablisfan Wed 01-Jul-15 01:12:50

Thankyou oswin . Appreciate this.

Binkleflip ... Her payslip went to his address.. We guess.. As post was redirected from former matrimonial home to their new addresses and they share same last name and initial.. So I guess easily done. Is this advice though ?

Surly cue... . She does agree but not to paying for any of it. She expects him to. He and I will thus be paying. Is this advice though.

SurlyCue Wed 01-Jul-15 01:17:59

She does agree but not to paying for any of it. She expects him to.

Worth mentioning in the OP really. Did she initially want them to be privately educated or is she just agreeing with his and your suggestion? If the latter then of course she expects you to pay.

Is this advice though.

is this a question though?

chablisfan Wed 01-Jul-15 01:34:48

Surly cue

I understand she has always wanted them to go but because he divorced her he should pay for it in her view

chablisfan Wed 01-Jul-15 01:42:18

Surly cue

As I u understand it she has always wanted them to go but since he has divorced her we should pay in her view

MaggieJoyBlunt Wed 01-Jul-15 01:59:56

For some reason her yearly earnings slip went to his address.. Same last name so easily opened.

How extremely odd. I'm straining to work out a believable way in which this might have happened.

Is he able to reduce his monthly maintenance payment to her something nearer csa ( actually £ 800 when she wasn't working but given her wages actually less, although we don't want to risk the kids going without)

No, it doesn't work like that. CSA formula makes no reference whatsoever to a PWC's earnings. So that isn't true.

(BTW,what's with the dungaree-hate?)

MaggieJoyBlunt Wed 01-Jul-15 02:05:56

The bottom line is that you are being hellishly unreasonable.

You want your boyfriend to cut child support to his children to subsidise private school fees for your child, whilst you continue to work part-time?

You also want to decide schooling arrangements for your respective sons between you and your boyfriend without reference to their other parents!?

This will cause SO much trouble (and you haven't even moved in together yet!)

chablisfan Wed 01-Jul-15 02:08:22

Easy tigers

I will pay my son's fees out of his maintenaince from his father

chablisfan Wed 01-Jul-15 02:09:32

I have not asked ny boyfreind to cut child support to subsidize my kids school fees
Wow

SurlyCue Wed 01-Jul-15 02:15:08

I will pay my son's fees out of his maintenaince from his father

Ah so you expect her to do the same and as she wont agree the you feel justified in just taking the fees out of her maintenance before she gets it.

Basically how it goes is your partner has to pay at least X% (i think 25% for 3 kids?) of his income in maintenance with deductions for the numer of nights the children stay with him and for any other children he has living with him (your son). His exwife's salary has zero effect on how much he has to pay. He can reduce his maintenance if he likes as long as it doesnt go below the minimum calculation from CSA.

chablisfan Wed 01-Jul-15 02:16:15

As explained in earlier post wages slip went to him due to redirected post from former home
Wow

Hellishly unreasonable is a little harsh ????

He wants to reduce it as she doesn't seem to be using it on the kids , we are paying for clothes and toys and swim lessons and holidays on top of it and she has been dishonest about her income.

SurlyCue Wed 01-Jul-15 02:21:52

she has been dishonest about her income

Her income is none of yours or your partner's business!

He wants to reduce it as she doesn't seem to be using it on the kids

grin this has to be one of my favourite lines on these threads! The shit people spin to justify their actions.

SurlyCue Wed 01-Jul-15 02:26:22

DSS don't even have dolls at home or dress up princess stuff and kept turning up looking like Amish kids in dungarees.

My sons dont have princess dress up stuff either, but theyre cool with that. Lots of kids are funnily enough. They do have a shitload of other stuff like beds and food and electric and clothes (including dungarees) and trainers (fucking endless amounts of trainers- they seem to burn through them) and wrestlers and camping gear and bikes and extra curricular clubs and lots more.

MaggieJoyBlunt Wed 01-Jul-15 02:27:33

Easy tigers

hmm

I will pay my son's fees out of his maintenaince from his father

So the maintenance you receive is substantial. And your future partner earns well, so what's the problem?

I have not asked ny boyfreind to cut child support to subsidize my kids school fees

What's the driver for penny-pinching if it isn't your fee-paying school aspirations? You're not hard up. Why even mention the private school issue in the OP if it isn't germane? confused

MaggieJoyBlunt Wed 01-Jul-15 02:28:46

He wants to reduce it as she doesn't seem to be using it on the kids , we are paying for clothes and toys and swim lessons and holidays on top of it and she has been dishonest about her income

It isn't up to him to play auditor. Still less is it any of your business.

chablisfan Wed 01-Jul-15 02:31:16

Surely cue
We thought she might pay some of her kids school fees yes as she is earning same as him pretty much yes- and we are paying her double csa

As I said she got a huge pay out in order to secure a shared care arrangement so has no mortgage -- we both do and will have a big mortgage together soon. I work part time as a teacher as I have an 8 yr old child who sees his dad only in school hols and odd weekend( by his father's design ) and no other childcare help-

I myself will be putting down the deposit on new house and plan to work more when DS is older, I made a conscious choice to work only part time as Ds has mild autism and I wanted to be home for homework etc,

The advice/ information on csa and maintenaince payments is much appreciated
I did ask nicely in my Op if step mummy bashing could be avoided as it isnt like that at all

Thankyou

SurlyCue Wed 01-Jul-15 02:32:37

Just to add, i dont send any of the stuff i mentioned to my DC's dad's with them to prove i'm spending the maintenance on them wink

SurlyCue Wed 01-Jul-15 02:35:53

we are paying her double csa

We?

No-one has "step-mummy" bashed. The responses are specific to your posts.

MaggieJoyBlunt Wed 01-Jul-15 02:36:29

Oh don't be so blooming twee.

I am a step mother. It isn't a carte blanche to do whatever you like and call any criticism "step mummy bashing".

If you can't afford private school, you can't afford it.

Child support isn't something you can unilaterally slash because you fancy it. Will you try the same with the mortgage payment? No, of course you won't.

chablisfan Wed 01-Jul-15 02:37:28

Maggie joy blunt

We want the boys to go privately as one has a few mild learning difficulties and one has been bullied at school-

If you have constructive advice great
But judging each other isnt what this is for right ?

Want2bSupermum Wed 01-Jul-15 02:39:29

I would speak to a lawyer and get their opinion. If her salary is equal to her ex I would assume she should pay her ex support accordingly based on household income.

The education of the stepchildren isn't something I would get involved with. As hard as it must be I just wouldn't go there. Be supportive to your DP and your SC but it's a decision that needs to be made by their parents.

If your spousal maint stops upon moving in with DP is it a good idea for you to move in with them? Are you not better off living on your own with your DS? It might also pave the way for the ex being more open to being rational with your DP.

MaggieJoyBlunt Wed 01-Jul-15 02:39:32

OP how happy would you be if your ex suddenly halved the CM he pays you? (And then set sail on a voyage of self justification by intruding into your private affairs?)

Or if he expressed scepticism about how you were spending it and attempted to interfere?

Maybe he won't think school fees is a good use of the CM he pays?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now