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Photos od DSC on Facebook

(37 Posts)
Cadburyhome Tue 30-Jun-15 10:51:42

Out of interest what is everyones opinion on putting photos of DSC of facebook?

Do you do it or not?

Would you be offended if your children's step parent put photos up of your children?

springalong Tue 30-Jun-15 11:13:19

Personally I think you should obtain consent (verbal or writing) of both the DC parents before doing so. That would be common courtesy.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark Tue 30-Jun-15 11:15:50

I think it's out of line to post pictures of kids on facebook if you know one of the parents wouldn't consent (or aren't sure). Depends on the age of the children, obviously if they're older and have their own accounts then it would be different.

FluffyBumOnTheRun Tue 30-Jun-15 11:20:06

I don't tend to post pics of my dsc a lot , but I have done on family holidays as have both their parents. I would feel like I'm excluding them otherwise. Neither have complained.

FluffyBumOnTheRun Tue 30-Jun-15 11:22:27

I would add that if I knew one didn't post any pics then I wouldn't post either. My sil post the odd pice of them (she's still good friends with mum) so I see that the same rule applies to me.

crossroads15 Tue 30-Jun-15 11:45:42

I do, not generally ones of DSD by herself but ones with our other DC. If I do put up one of DSD by herself, I tend to tag Mum and DH in it.

I definitely wouldn't if Mum had a problem with it.

FluffyBumOnTheRun Tue 30-Jun-15 12:31:46

Crossroad, I assume you are friends with mum on FB then? That's good. I'm not friends but at least I'm not blocked anymore. I am friends with dss but he is restricted as mum used his to snoop on my FB shock

crossroads15 Tue 30-Jun-15 13:09:01

Yes I am. I have mixed feelings about it. DSD is at school with my DC, she's with us 50:50 and a lot of school stuff is arranged / recorded on Facebook so it would be difficult not to be though. It would kind of set a standoffish tone if I wasn't ifyswim.

There are things on my Fbook page I'd rather DSD's Mum didn't have access to and I expect the feeling's mutual. I quietly ignore anything I see on her page that I'm a bit hmm about it and she does the same for me. Fortunately the days of high drama have passed.

Cadburyhome Tue 30-Jun-15 15:25:19

Would you gain verbal or written consent if you were putting on pictures of a friends child or a family member e.g cousin? if not why would it be any different for a step child?

K888 Tue 30-Jun-15 15:43:08

Ask your OH and see if you get a sense of whether that would be okay or not. You could always text the ex just to check. The mum of my DSCs has loads of pics of her kids on facebook and really isn't bothered about that sort of thing.

Cadburyhome Tue 30-Jun-15 15:54:10

I was just asking as a hypothetical situation. I was interested to know how other step parents viewed the situation.

I can see how posting photos of step children may cause an inflammatory response from the RP, BUT in this day and age where most of our lives are lived out through social media is it justified?

I know i certainly don't get consent from everyone I've ever included on photos on Facebook. Is it that they are children and too young to give consent themselves that people find offensive? If that's the case, if the RP is posting photos of the children this argument is null and void?

Or is it that their not YOUR children and therefore you don't get to live out a happy family Disney dream on your facebook wall?

TheyGotTheMustardOut Tue 30-Jun-15 16:04:05

Unless you have permission from the other parent or from the child themselves (if old enough to consent) then I wouldn't post any pics of SC. I only ever did it if the SC didn't mind (they had their own FB accounts) and I certainly don't want my exh's partner to post pics of my children.

wannaBe Tue 30-Jun-15 16:05:29

IMO it depends on the age of the children. I'm not a fan of putting pictures of young dc on fb as they're not old enough to really object to having their pictures up there or to know how they'll feel in years to come knowing that there were pictures of them on the internet as very young children.

I don't put pictures of my ds on fb unless he is happy about it, and I would hope that he would voice his objections to xh's dp if he didn't want her to put pictures up on her fb. But he's nearly thirteen and old enough to decide for himself whether he's happy about it.

Fwiw I don't have any of them on fb so have no idea whether there are pictures up there or not, and IMO life is too short to micro manage what ds does when he is with his dad. I wouldn't be best pleased if xh started laying down the law on how my ds interacted with my dp, and therefore the same applies here IMO.

Yellowdaisies Tue 30-Jun-15 18:07:06

I do, and have never thought twice about doing so. I can't see why you'd feel you needed to ask their mum. Surely your can take your lead from your DP? He's their parent too.

Unless there were special reasons to be concerned (eg DSC were previously adopted or their DM had fled from a violent partner or something) I think it's a nice way of showing they're part of your life.

SoupDragon Tue 30-Jun-15 18:18:56

in this day and age where most of our lives are lived out through social media is it justified?

Speak for yourself. I don't live most of my life through media. I rarely put photos of my children on social media. I think parents get to decide.

I would only post photos of friends children if those friends regularly post photos of their children - even then I would probably limit visibility to me and them out of politeness.

SoupDragon Tue 30-Jun-15 18:20:18

I think only a parent has the right to decide whether photos of their children appear on social media.

Quesera21 Tue 30-Jun-15 19:43:33

From the RPs perspective :-
I have a very low social media profile, verging on non existent. I do not use facebook, instagram, twitter etc etc.

I do not want people posting pics of my DCs without checking with me first. If as their fathers DP did recently, you post a picture that would appear to be of yourself and my DCS and your own DCS and try to give the impression you are one big happy family and wasn't it a great day out - then I will go mental. ( My Dcs were last allowed to stay at their fathers house on the 26th December 2014 and have not spent more than 4 hrs in his company at any one time this year.) The pic was 2 yrs old - friend showed me.

I do not post and do not want her doing it either.

Ask first.

FluffyBumOnTheRun Tue 30-Jun-15 19:53:37

IMO we are a happy family, and I don't want them to feel excluded.

If my husband post all of us having a nice day out then what's the harm?
But then he has them regularly and always has and wants them to feel a part of a family, both with us and at their mums (and that includes her dp and his kids that she post pics of)

stepmothersknockers Tue 30-Jun-15 21:15:48

err we are one big happy family. :/ It would be really weird NOT to post pics of DC on facebook - assuming DH isn't bothered. Nothing to do with DC mother, sorry!

Cadburyhome Tue 30-Jun-15 21:35:14

To the people who have said they think step parents should gain the mothers consent first, do you gain consent from dad before putting photos on?

If not, isn't it a bit rich to expect to vet any photos being put up by other people?

FluffyBumOnTheRun Tue 30-Jun-15 21:40:35

Cadbury, I don't think one parent needs the others permission anyway. RP or not.

As a SP, I follow suit to what my DSC's parents do.

Also, when my family (and that includes dss Quesera) post pics of my ds I do not ask for them to ask first. They are family and love him smile

springalong Tue 30-Jun-15 21:42:08

Sorry step don't agree at all. If DC mum and dc dad don't agree then surely the most cautious approach is the most sensible. And that would be not to post publicly.

FluffyBumOnTheRun Tue 30-Jun-15 21:44:55

Spring, Steps said "assuming DH isn't bothered".

FluffyBumOnTheRun Tue 30-Jun-15 21:50:39

Oh I see what you mean Step, if they both have different views to FB. It's a tricky one. Dad may want to post pics, lest face it, most parents do.

And in separated family situation it may be a case of one parent just trying to be difficult.

Stitchintime1 Tue 30-Jun-15 22:03:18

A friend put pics of me on her fb page. I hated it. I don't live my life through social media as one poster said. If I did I wouldn't post a picture of anyone. Bloody cheek.

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