Ok, I'm sharing too much now!(27 Posts)
We have 12 yo DSD full time, which has been challenging, but is now getting much better.
I've just been up for a shower, and my razor and tweezers have been used I can't share these! DSD has her own, but keeps her bathroom stuff in her room while helping herself to mine if I ask her not to, she will have a hissy fit. I've put my sponge bags in my room, but I shouldn't have to!
Oh dear, you think things are improving and then...bam, something else comes up! Under no circumstances should your DSD be using your personal items...no way! And you shouldn't have to be hiding things from her, you're going to have to be very firm in telling her that you wouldn't use her stuff, so she should not, must not use yours...and you'll have to get her DF on board too! Good luck with that!!
Yep, dss constantly takes my stuff to use, not personal stuff so much, but headphones, all sorts of tech stuff like chargers, oh towels (which annoys me immensely cos he and dp both get athletes foot and I don't), shoes.......
Recently he took a sex toy from my bedside table. It was at this point I had a meltdown over it all.
You need to be really stern with her. I guess if you were her mother maybe you wouldn't mind, I don't know, and I do sometimes feel mean about getting annoyed that things have been moved, but if you are unhappy with it you need to tell her.
OMG....Melon!!! He went into your bedside table and took a sex toy??? How old is he, did he know what it was?? I would have been soooo angry, not to mention mortified, no wonder you had a meltdown, time for some serious discussions about what is/isn't acceptable behaviour in the home!
I do let my DSD use bathroom stuff - because I don't mind if my own DD does this. I don't like it!! But it seems unreasonable to make this into a battleground when it's really a visceral reaction to her not being my own child. (i.e. I don't mind when it's my DD.)
Sex toys errr no...
Missing the point sightly but why did your stepson take a sex toy?
And OP, regardless of whether she'll get cross, you should be able to tell her that your things belong to you and are not available for her to use.
Like he took if from inside your bedside drawer? In which case completely inappropriate and invasion of your privacy. If it was left on display in your bedroom completely inappropriate of it to have been there. I'm all for spicing up the bedroom have lots of bits and pieces non of which would be left were any of the children would find/see them.
I have a 13 year old and an ensuite which is regularly raided for my nice shampoos creams etc despite her having her own. Annoying as it is I just see it as another teenage stage. I think they are like magpie at that age like anything shinny and new.
I would sit her down and explain it just isn't hygienic to share those type of things and offer to go through her bathroom to see if there is any toiletries she needs. Say you don't want to make it a no go area but if she doesn't respect your things you will.
Thank you all for understanding it's a rarity for me!
I spoke to DP, he initially didn't understand the fuss. I explained that it's that very razor that removes any hair, including pubes! I stated that it's for my foof only he will have a word later! I'm happy to give her a razor from my packet, but she does need to ask!
This'll be fun as she was awful this morning shouted at me etc. Bloody hell
He took it from inside my bedside table drawer. About a year before he went in the drawer without us knowing - until he told his mother in front of some friends of hers that I had sex toys in my bedside drawer. Stern words were had then.
He is 14, I think he knew what it was, he certainly knew he doesn't go in our room at all without permission, let alone in drawers. I don't know why he took it, I wasn't really interested in why, but I think it may have happened when he had a friend round.
Melon, I'd mention it to him myself. Look him right in the eye and ask for it back and ask why he took it. He should be embarrassed rather than you.
Feel, that is just grim. How would she feel if you used hers?! Not sure why a 12-year-old wants tweezers anyway...
Oh and Melon, no more friends round as a punishment, until he shows he can behave maturely.
I'm rather grumpy today
I'm not embarrassed, why would I be? I was just cross (it wasn't there when I wanted it...) he went in our room, went in my personal space and took something.
I'm not asking him about it, that's his father's job, and it was weeks ago now. And as I said to the OP, it's not my role to decide and dish out punishments. But he's only had a mate round twice this year so he wouldn't notice if we banned that really.
We are past that one now, he's had his sanctions, but I am sure there will be other times we can think up fun punishments .
Melon for him to go into your room with a friend is a massive intrusion! It is hard, because DSD would have definitely had a free reign of her parents room when they were together, but it's a barrier I'm not able to relax about
Melon, you viewed this 'sex toy' situation in a much more composed manner than I could have, and I'm impressed you didn't get embarrassed especially as DSS is a teen, so . I think if that whole scenario had happened to me, I would have been devastated....and it would very likely have coloured my feelings towards DSS!!
FeelTheNoise, no matter what happened in the past, if you consider your bedroom your to be your sanctuary (and I certainly do) then DSD has to accept that, and her DF has to be on board with it....it's not too much to ask!!
Oh, I had a massive meltdown, but more at dp than at dss. You know, teenage boys are little shits, twas ever thus. I have a younger brother, he was a vile teen. I used to go through my parents' stuff, I know it's all learning.
But I couldn't accept dp's view that "well, he owned up (when we asked him) and that's enough", no punishment. I went mental. I left the house and didn't come back for several hours. Sadly my car battery went flat and I had to call dp to collect me
dss was made to write me an apology letter, which made him think, and he list a month's allowance.
But we've only lived together two years. some of these boundaries are still fledgling.
But, I get cross if he borrows a stapler and doesn't put it back so I'd be fuming at my razor being used.
Yeah, I agree teens, boys particularly, are vile creatures...but 'owning up' would not have been enough for me either!! Shame about the car battery, you should have booked into a plush hotel for the night, using his credit card!!
I have the same. Dsd helps herself to my toiletries. I have to hide them away, she then goes through my drawers/wardrobe to find them - makes me fume
Don't give her a razor from your packet. Buy her her own packet in a different colour Some people are just a bit sloppy about ownership of a personal items. Best to make it as clear as possible whose are whose.
I can't believe that teenagers apparently think it's acceptable to go through an adult's bedroom drawers and cupboards, looking for stuff that doesn't belong to them, and then to just use personal items without asking! I would not have expected my own DC to do this, (and they never did) much less DSC! Where are their manners, and sense of what's acceptable and appropriate?! And no, I never did it as a teenager...I knew full well it wasn't allowed, so wouldn't have dared!
I agree Whdin. I never did either. I have said its unacceptable numerous times but there is no change
This thread has outraged me, what next, helping themselves to your handbag or purse?? You should all keep up the battle, don't let it become the norm or acceptable, and if partners are not on board with you, do whatever it takes to make them see that this is hurting you badly...and I mean WHATEVER it takes!!!
You could also use this as a neat little opportunity to
a) acknowledge that she is growing up and wants to look and smell nice and
b) gently teach her boundaries about personal stuff.
You could get her a little basket of razors, nice shampoo conditioner shower gel etc and tell her you know how much she likes nice toiletries, and these are her own. But she'll have to look after them carefully though, and not leave them lying around, or your DCs/DP will swipe them........
Oh My Goodness. That would be my deal breaker. I would be livid if DSD did this.
She went through a stage at the beginning of spraying my perfume about and I had a stern word with her about it. Then DP bought her a bottle of her own (£50 a bottle!!!!!) for her birthday so she would lay off mine!!
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