Eldest DSS (17) has not seen us for 5 years, but has sent perfectly cheerful and friendly texts to DH throughout that time, kisses at the end etc.
Younger DSS (14) did not see us for 4 years but talked his mum into letting him resume contact with us last summer and we've had a great year bonding again with him. DSS2 recognises that his mum stopped them from seeing us although he claims that DSS1 hates DH, he was completely unaware/shocked that friendly text contact has been maintained throughout the 5 years between his brother and dad. So we don't quite know what is going on over there - alienation of sorts!
We always said years ago we'd pay driving lessons for all the kids (we have two together too) and I've ring fenced £500 towards DSS1s lessons, however DH is feeling low with regards to the situation and doesn't know whether to offer him the money. We pay full CSA although DSS1 has dropped out of college, he isn't working so fair enough. We also give £150 each birthday and Xmas and small cash gifts for holiday spends etc, both boys will occasionally ask for money for things so we'll put £40 in their account etc. I'm just telling you so you don't think DH is tight!
I think at present DH feels like he's been dangled on a string by DSS1 for the last 5 years, what hurts is that we have been given no good reason for being cut off. DSS2 doesn't know the reason. We went through solicitors years ago but after spending lots on letters back and forth we gave up, especially as both kids said they wanted no contact. DH is overjoyed to have friendly texts but at the same time it's terribly painful. At the moment he doesn't feel he wants to offer the driving lesson money, he feels that DSS1 must be enjoying hurting him, which I'm sure isn't the case.
I feel strongly that we should offer the money, it's hard to explain why I feel so strongly but I guess I want DSS1 to know that nothing has ever changed on our side of things? Even if he is laughing at us being mugs, handing over cash to a young man who has shunned us (and his half-bro and sis), I dont really mind. I also want DSS2 to see that we are unconditional, constant and overall, positive and optimistic for everybody's future.
What do you all think?
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Alienated Teenager
13 replies
VadaSultanfuss · 05/06/2015 17:37
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