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Stepmom23 Wed 03-Jun-15 10:44:42

Hi I have 2 step kids one is a girl who is 7 and a step son who is 14. My husband has 50/50 custody Approx 9 months ago their mother was going through a hard time and moved back in with her mom. Ok things happen I understand. The house had 5 other occupants. The kids were forced to sleep on a pull out couch together I the living room. We offered to keep the kids at our house until she could get out of her situation but she refused saying she needs the kids because they are hers. About 2 months ago the couch broke and the kids were forced to sleep on floor. Someone notified child services who did nothing. During this time the oldest has been flunking school and the mother continues to let him go out and doesn't pay attention to his schoolwork. She also has dropped him off at school late 8 times and he's missed school 3 times in one semester because she didn't feel well enough to take him. Obviously this is a problem. During one weekend in her custody an aunt who lives at the house tried to commit suiceide when the kids were at the house. The aunt was upset when she got back to the house she had her sister attack another person who didn't go to the hospital to visit her. The kids mother told the kids not to tell us because we would take them away from her. Another time the daughter was sick with the flu rather then take her to doctors she gave her someone else's medication and took the oldest to the movies. Leaving the youngest at home with a 13 year old cousin to babysit. We have repeatedly offered to take the kids until she can fix things but she is currently unemployed and is trying to be considered disabled in order not to work again. Another time the 7 year old had an injury that needed immediate medical attention (head injury) the mother called because she didn't know where to taker her. Prior to this We have provided her with insurance cards, hospital Info and doctor info. It took three hours for her to take her to a hospital. This has been ongoing and I have a lot more scenarios from coming over unbathed to the kids being told we would take them away if the they Tell us stuff b

After multiple attempts to talk with the mother and getting no where. We decided to file for full physical custody. As soon as she got wind of it she cleared out rooms and the kids are able to have beds finally and she is taking them to doctors spots etc. However school is still an issue and obviously some questions about the kids safety. Should we continue with the full custody?

Melonfool Wed 03-Jun-15 11:52:26

Personally I would continue (are you in the UK btw? Why do you need insurance cards to take a kid to A&E?).

What she is doing to improve is great but given the family and the history, it's unlikely to be sustainable.

I think, if you could afford it, I'd be tempted to rent a place for her and the kids, separate to the maintenance.

Can the 14 yo get himself to school? Again, if you were able to find a place for them to rent you could ensure it was near enough to the school. My 14 yo dss gets himself to school - life would be impossible if he couldn't do that. We have similar issues though with him being late every day when he's at his dm's - he says his sd won't let him leave earlier, but I don't know if this is true.

Reginafalangie Wed 03-Jun-15 12:15:14

I think you should continue. If you don't the situation may just go back to how it was. Their father has to be the other adult who protects them and cares for them if their mother cannot.

crossroads15 Wed 03-Jun-15 12:44:39

I also think you should continue. It all sounds rather chaotic for the kids...

Are you in the States? I think there's a forum called Steptalk that's more US-based than Mumsnet? You might get some US-specific support and advice as to how to proceed on there.

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