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Protocol on birthday cards etc

(24 Posts)
Workitbabe Tue 19-May-15 07:16:09

Morning. Me and dp together 18 months living together for 6. Dd's birthday last month and we both signed her card. Dp's sons birthday today and dp has done his own thing with the card. Feel a bit detached and wondering what others do.

6LittleOnes Tue 19-May-15 07:22:28

Dh signs dss birthday cards from all of us.

MuttonCadet Tue 19-May-15 07:24:15

If you're living together I think the card should be from all of you (just for god sake don't sign it "mum" wink)

alwaystryingtobeafriend Tue 19-May-15 07:27:43

When I didn't live with dp he done his own thing and I'd buy a card 'for someone special' or something along those lines. Now we live together he signs son/daughter cards from us both.

But shit though if it's one rule for you and one for him though. Just ask him see what he says. Maybe he hasn't realised.

Workitbabe Tue 19-May-15 07:38:33

Thanks all. Feel a bit naffed off about it really but I guess this is one of the hurdles of families coming together. Finding it hard. DP thinks the sun shines out if his ds2's arse in my view. But thats another thread lol.

yellowdaisies Tue 19-May-15 09:51:52

I think if you're living together then you sign joint cards - birthdays, Christmas, whatever. We've done them joint since we moved in together (and get the other kids to sign too usually if they're around)

But I guess your DP maybe wasn't thinking it through and just did as he's always done.

Melonfool Tue 19-May-15 10:47:14

Yes, we did separate until we lived together then we changed to one card signed by both (or both names put in by one of us, though I tend to insist it is him who writes it - I can't write 'Dad and Mel' it feels wrong).

But he also signs my name on cards to his mum that say 'to mum', which again seems odd though I know it's normal in most families (my family don't really bother with birthdays at all).

We do sometimes buy separate presents, but only if I see something I think dss would really like and buy it myself. At Christmas we tend to agree on the 'big' present which dp pays for, then I buy all the bits and pieces and dp pays me back something like 50% of what I paid, done at a guess, not an exact bill.

We don't have presents and cards in the joint budget so we do them on a case by case basis paid for by the person whose family/friend they are (though we paid for his mum's 80th from our joint account for some reason).

hoobygalooby Tue 19-May-15 12:08:20

We buy separate cards. Because it just feels weird signing cards saying to ‘son’ or ‘daughter’ for the DSC.
So the parent buys a son or daughter card and the step parent just buys a generic birthday card and signs it from them and the other kids.
I think it’s nice for the kids to have cards that are just from their one parent.

thepurplehen Tue 19-May-15 12:48:11

We do joint cards but dp will write his kids cards and I'll write for mine.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Tue 19-May-15 13:14:36

DP writes the cards for his DD and signs it from both him and me.
e.g. Love from Dad and Cheeky.

gofuckyourself Tue 19-May-15 13:31:21

I do all the cards. I sign them from both of us. If I didn't the children would never get anything because my husband is hopeless at remembering his own birthday let alone anyone else's.
Let's be honest no one cares about the card really they just want the present. wink

Melonfool Tue 19-May-15 14:03:59

dp doesn't tend to buy them, I do. As you say he never remembers, thus dss doesn't get a special 'son' card, usually something humorous.

He gets a 'son' one from his mum and stepdad though - this year's was so big and padded that it came in a box of its own. I doubt the stepdad even saw it to be honest. We've done his birthday three years in a row now (this year being a sleepover with 7 other teen lads) and I have told dp that next year she is definitely doing it!

Workitbabe Tue 19-May-15 22:41:37

Thanks ladies. This was a 16th birthday card. Would never write in one that said son on it- just not right.

truthwithin Wed 20-May-15 00:20:51

We get separate cards for Dsd11. I from Dad, 1 from step brothers/ sisters.

I have only just realised everything is / organised, paid for, made super happy by me.

My name goes on nothing.

ThatBloodyWoman Wed 20-May-15 00:37:37

Its from Dad and ThatBloodyWoman.
Never really worried about it saying 'son' as he is my (step)son.

FaithLoveandHope Wed 20-May-15 17:42:12

Have never thought about fact card says Son tbh. As others have said, I used to buy "to someone special" but when we moved in together DP just writes from Dad and Faith. I'd be really miffed in your situation. But perhaps your DP just didn't think? Have you spoken to him about it?

swingofthings Wed 20-May-15 18:04:42

We've always done cards separately, but then I think so did I when I was with their dad. I think when it comes to birthday cards and kids, the more the merrier. Also, I like to write something a bit soppy in it (I am not usually so I know they like it despite their faces!), and I don't think it would be appropriate for my DH to sign that!

Workitbabe Wed 20-May-15 22:42:10

Evening all. Not spoken to him no. It is dd1's birthday this Saturday so wondering if I may bring it up in relation to that.

Melonfool Wed 20-May-15 22:45:24

I really doubt he meant anything by it, so just having a chat and saying you would prefer to do things jointly should be enough.

I did that when we moved in together, dp just does't think about the wider implications of things whereas I lay awake all night worrying about what every tiny thing will be interpreted as!

Workitbabe Thu 21-May-15 22:44:27

Lol melon. You were right. I asked him about what we should do about cards and we will write them from both of us for everyone. He said I worry too much!

Melonfool Sat 23-May-15 00:47:21

Exactly what dp says to me, as he drops off to sleep leaving me wide awake and chewing my nails!

But, in fact, it is good to think it through as sometimes a small thing done without thinking can really upset a child, especially if they are not 100% secure in a situation already.

DPs are lucky to have us!

AmyElliotDunne Sat 30-May-15 18:00:02

Melon, you're right, it's the little things they do without thinking which can cause issues.

I usually write them from me, DP and the kids to my DCs. He doesn't usually bother with birthday cards for his kids (just lots of presents!) so not an issue, but if I'm helping out for his nieces I will buy one and write it from all of us, but it's difficult with wider family as I don't want to take on the wifework writing cards to his family from all of us, but if I don't then I'm sure he would leave us off and just write from him and his DCs without thinking and then wonder why I feel left out. His family don't buy xmas/bday gifts for my DCs bt my family do for his.

His ex puts messages on FB wishing happy birthday to her DDs from mummy, daddy and DSis, so wouldn't be surprised if she signs cards like that too angry but that's a whole other thread!

Melonfool Sat 30-May-15 19:18:37

Dp's ex puts a message on fb wishing dss happy birthday - so to the world she looks like SuperMum, but in fact this year she only bothered to see him for ten minutes on his birthday weekend and gave him some clothes. I dunno but I think a 14 year old might be slightly bored by clothes as a birthday gift.

We hosted his sleepover and took him for a day's motorcross with his dad (I went and took photos and sorted the lunch). Oh well.

Twinstar29 Sun 31-May-15 08:12:46

DP and I always give one card to DSD, which we both sign. He'll sort her main present(s), but I usually get her an extra something just from me - mainly because we have different gift styles. He'll buy things he knows she wants or has asked for, I like to give at least one presents that's a surprise.

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