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Don't want to move house.

(143 Posts)
3CheekyLittleMonkeys Sun 03-May-15 16:48:54

We currently live in a 2 bed council house. We have 3 boys together aged 3mths, 2 and 4, and DP has a DD aged 9. She currently shares a bedroom with DS1 and 2 and DS3 is in our room with us.

I know that DSD will need her space soon, and for this reason I have been getting myself all stressed out about getting a 3 bed house. We are entitled to one but only because we have 3 children together, not because dsd is approaching 10. She is here half of the week and then the other half of the week her bed is unused and her stuff is taking up space in the bedroom. DS3 will be moving in to that room when in due course.

I love it where we are. It's a biggish house for a 2 bed, gardens are perfect, neighbours are lovely and it's on a nice quiet street. It's also a fairly newish house and I just absolutely love it.

I know that the boys would be just fine sharing, all 3 of them, as that bedroom is quite big. I just don't want to move house just for dsd to have her own room. It means starting all over again, rebuying carpets, doing gardens up, redecorating, the bedrooms might be too small, neighbours might not be nice, etc... The thought of the stress of moving house makes me feel so down. This house is perfect sad

I have no problem with giving our bedroom to dsd when she is here so that she can have her own space. She really is the only one single reason why we have even been contemplating moving. And what really rubs salt in the wound is that the 3rd bedroom were are entitled to is only because of her baby brother existence, not her. She isn't even here everyday, so our lives have to be disrupted and we have to move somewhere we might not like for someone who doesn't even live here full time sad

Sorry, I know I won't be popular with some people on here for saying all this. But I just don't want to move house. The boys love it here too.

SurlyCue Sun 03-May-15 16:52:52

Youre being ridiculous quite frankly and i'm pretty sure you know that. Grow up. Your husband has 4 children for at least half the week. A 2 bed house doesnt cut it and certainly not when one child is a girl approaching her teens in a house full of males.

yellowdaisies Sun 03-May-15 16:56:55

3 small boys in one room might be OK. But 3 teenagers? I think that would be really tough on them. So even if you didn't have DSD I think you'd be mad not to move if you get the chance.

If you stay where you are, where would you put DS3 when he's old enough to move out of your room? Into a room with 4 for half the time? Giving up your bed for 50% of the time sounds really hard on you, and not ideal for DSD either.

It doesn't really matter what rules the council are using for deciding you need another bedroom, you can allocate rooms as you like. But do think ahead. My DS (15) shares with DSS (12) when he's here and with DD(11) when he's at his dad's. The sharing has got harder for him in both homes as he's got older. He's longing for DSD to leave home so he can have his own room.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Sun 03-May-15 16:57:01

What wrong with her sleeping in our room when she is here? It's not like she has nowhere to sleep and she won't have her own space for her belongings.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Sun 03-May-15 16:59:08

Sometimes in 3 bed council houses,the bedrooms are really small and it will mean that the boys will be even more cramped together. So that will be even worse when they are older.

seventeen Sun 03-May-15 16:59:35

Your dismissive attitude to her is entirely why this board ends up such a bitch fest sometimes.

Vile.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Sun 03-May-15 17:00:46

My DP shared with 2 of his brothers growing up.

Tryingtocoverthegrey Sun 03-May-15 17:00:49

Wow shock

You should really be ashamed of yourself speaking about a child like that.
If you didn't want her stuff taking up space in your home then you should not have got into a relationship with her father.

It's women like you that make step children feel unwanted and unloved think about how that child feels and God forbid it ever happens to your dcs.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Sun 03-May-15 17:03:17

seventeen Believe me I have given this a lot of thought. The fact that I am aware that she needs her own space shows I am taking her in to account!

yellowdaisies Sun 03-May-15 17:08:00

She's there 50% of the time, so surely you can see that's not practical? She can't keep her clothes in the same drawers as yours can she? And you'd be changing bedding all the time, etc

Tryingtocoverthegrey Sun 03-May-15 17:08:06

Isn't that the point of having a council house you can choose where you want to live look on the transfer lists and stop blaming this little girl for disrupting your life what about the disruption in her life?

lunar1 Sun 03-May-15 17:09:11

Maybe you should tell you dh you don't want her to come anymore, why should she mess up your perfect life.

Your attitude is just nasty, there is no other way to see it. She should have her own but if space in her dads house to call her own. Please tell your husband how you feel, hopefully he will tell you to fuck of, that will make some space.

seventeen Sun 03-May-15 17:09:16

You don't need to give it any thought though!

She lives with you half the week, so if your house isn't big enough and you are able to move, then you move.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Sun 03-May-15 17:11:50

There would be plenty of room for her clothes and belongings in our room. And I don't mind changing bedding. It's a lot easier than moving house put it that way!

I once read a thread where people were suggesting that the resident child moves out of his bed every time their sibling came to stay. Why is that an acceptable solution, but me and DP giving our room up not?

seventeen Sun 03-May-15 17:13:13

Can't you see that you need to look at it from your dsd's point of view?

She needs to feel secure and welcome. And part of that is having her own space.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Sun 03-May-15 17:13:31

DP actually thinks the same as me. And if he was to split with me then would be him leaving not me smile House is in my name.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Sun 03-May-15 17:15:32

Of course she feels secure and welcome! We would make that room hers, and redecorate it for her. But we would just use a little bit of space in the wardrobe and sleep in the bed when she isn't here. There is a closet for all of her stuff and I would put a lock on it for her so nobody can "snoop".

lunar1 Sun 03-May-15 17:15:44

If your husband feels the same as you then I don't think you need to worry, as soon as she is old enough you stepdaughter will probably decide not to come anymore. What a horrible childhood for her, having to spend 50% of her time where she isn't really wanted.

RebootYourEngine Sun 03-May-15 17:17:32

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Charlie52 Sun 03-May-15 17:17:59

What about getting a sofa bed for the living room? DSD can have your room and then you and DH having the living room? I can understand you not wanting to move and if DSD was there every other weekend it'd be different but when she's there 50% of the time she really does need her own space.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Sun 03-May-15 17:18:00

Oh for gods sake lunar she is wanted. Dont be so over dramatic. Don't know why I bother posting on here to complete strangers who have no fucking idea about our lives.

basgetti Sun 03-May-15 17:19:08

You can't stay in a 2 bedroomed house with 4 children, it isn't feasible. But I do understand where you are coming from. I'm in a similar situation in that I also live in a 2 bed HA house and will have need for an extra room soon. I also love my house, I suffer with anxiety and it is my safe haven. Quiet, peaceful and cosy. Social housing can be patchy, and I worry I could end up moving somewhere with noisy neighbours or anti social behaviour and I get panicky. But I just remind myself that it will be fairer on my DC to have more space and also that we are very lucky to have security and the chance to upsize. Good luck.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Sun 03-May-15 17:19:17

That's a good idea Charlie and I don't mind doing that either. Really good idea.

wecanmanagenow Sun 03-May-15 17:19:21

When my two go to stay with their dad they share a room in his girlfriends house. I've sent curtains and snuggly blankets and toys so their room feels like theirs. Thank heavens their stepmum is fine with that and wants them to be comfortable.

wecanmanagenow Sun 03-May-15 17:21:09

Meant to add that the room they have is the smallest because they aren't there all the time.

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