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Child Contract??????

(10 Posts)
Beckyboomum5 Tue 10-Feb-15 16:25:38

Hello there. I posted not that long about my DOH crazy ex wife and all the crazy things she says and does.

Well I have a new one for you. Here is the history on this bit. My DSD (eldest) wants to live with me and my DOH with my children. After a lot of temper tantrums (from the ex not the child) hurling abuse and accussing me of "turning her DD against her" she did agree that she could live with us. So I started to put things in place; I sent her the report of the school that my children go to (as she would be going to the same one) Gave her a out line in what happens with the school run and after school care. I asked for a list of things that she was concerned about and my DOH set up meetings (in mediations centres) for us to discuss the living arrangements and access to weekends for the ex wife. It was all going well, until this afternoon. She rung me swearing and kicking off saying I am not stealing her daughter and that she wants a child contract???

I did ask "what is a child contact?" she replied that it is a contract that says that she has a say in how her daughter would be raised. (I thought that is what they were doing in mediation!!)

Have any of you ever heard of a child contact??? Does it really exist?
If so is ther a format I could download to look at? As this seems very strange to me.

Helpfulghoul Tue 10-Feb-15 16:47:38

I thought that was the point of PR?

She has as much say in important decisions about her daughter's upbringing as your OH. She does not need a contract.

Helpfulghoul Tue 10-Feb-15 16:49:29

Just to clarify I know it's not the "point of PR", that sounds offhand. I just mean in this situation she would presumably be involved in all decisions due to her having PR.

yellowdaisies Tue 10-Feb-15 17:39:12

I've never heard of a child contract. A residency order sets out where the child lives, including if they spend time with their other parent, and as said above she has rights automatically as DSD's mum as she has PR and that doesn't get removed from her just by DSD moving in with you.

I'd guess that maybe she's looking for something in writing that just makes it clear she still has a role in DSD's life. Is that something that could be drawn up informally in mediation? Setting how how she would be consulted on major decisions and which decisions are day to day ones that are made by whichever parent your DSD is with at the time (ie in practice your DP or you most of the time) For instance, your ex could agree not to change DSD's school or, say, have her ears pierced without consulting his ex or to let his ex know if she ever needs to go the to GP, or whatever. I'm not sure anything would be legally binding but if they both agreed to it, then everyone would know where they stand.

I'd be inclined to make vague positive noises about a child contract but then throw it back to her to ask what she thinks should go in it.

FireflyLight Tue 10-Feb-15 19:21:35

When you say she's mentioned child contact - could she actually be meaning child contact ?

Could she also be meaning a child arrangements order as to when and how much she can see DD?

I, of course could be wrong, but child contract could very well mean a contact order, which is now known as child arrangements order.

Storm15 Wed 11-Feb-15 06:44:27

Does she mean a Parenting Plan? DH has something attached to his SRO that is pretty much what yellow daisies has described, but it's called a Parenting Plan. He and his ex agreed things like school, travel arrangements, contact arrangements, ear piercing, out of school activities, who pays for what etc.

Beckyboomum5 Wed 11-Feb-15 10:33:04

We as soon as she gave her permission for DSD to move in with us, My DOH set up these meetings with the centre - with a nutural person to put in place a "parenting plan". It was going to be formallised so both parents knew what was to be expected from one another.
This is where I am confused to her phone call yesterday. Screaming down the phone at me was not on at all but through the rants I heard her tell me that even when the DSD lived with us she would be in charge of what she eats!!
I can understand her upset that her DD does not want to live with her (If my DD wanted to live with her dad and GF I would be really upset too) but we have done everything in our power to make sure she knows she will not be cut out of her DD life. All the important stuff will still need to be discuessed with her and she WILL have her say.
The move of schools can not be helped as we live in diffrent areas. Thats why I gave her as much information about the new school as I could and she did agree at the time that it was a much better school than the one she attends at the moment.

My OH never said that he would take PR off her; not once. But it will be impossible for her to have a say in every detail of our life. Or am I wrong?

FireflyLight Wed 11-Feb-15 13:45:04

My OH never said that he would take PR off her; not once.

I don't think that is even possible, not without court intervention anyway. And even then there has to be something major for the court to revoke someone's PR.

Is it possible that she's just worried about being kept in the dark about important decisions to do with DSD? I know you're OH has said he'd consult her on every important decision (he legally has to anyway because she has PR), but maybe she's just scared.

Her DD has decided to move in with dad which means she is no longer resident with her. It's a hard thing to adjust to when you've been like that for so long. She could be mourning the trivial day to day things she used to do with regards to DD that she no longer does.

I think she just needs reassurance that she'll be fully involved, especially while she adjusts to the new dynamic.

yellowdaisies Wed 11-Feb-15 13:53:32

How old is your DSD? Is she an only child? or does her mum have others at home with her still?

I think the sort of involvement her mum should have would depend on how old she is.

Beckyboomum5 Wed 11-Feb-15 14:43:40

We have all ready gone thought the courts with her due to her relationship with a Drug abuser. My DOH managed to prove to a court that BF was a ongoing threat and they got the SS to step in. SHe had to sign a contract with the SS saying that she will keep the druggy BF out of the kids lifes and she can not move in with him while she has the children.

I have 3 DSC; it is the eldest (under 11) that wants to live with us.
She crys when it is time for her to go home. Its hard when a child begs you to let her stay. Its not nice but she does not like her mother. I do believe she still loves her - but she has seen a side of her mother that she can not stand and she wants to be out of the house and living with us.

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