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Am I right that this is stupid that DH's ex can't pick up a phone and speak to me?

(22 Posts)
yellowdaisies Thu 29-Jan-15 17:50:30

DSD is 14 and is at ours tonight because she was supposed to have a drama rehearsal which is nearby ours. We live near her school and drama club, whereas her mum lives nearly an hour's busride away.

The drama rehearsal has been cancelled because of snow. DSD's mum has presumably had an email telling her this (as will DH have had too I think, but he's still at work) So DSD's mum tries to phone DSD but her phone is out of charge, so she gets DSS to ring me on our landline to tell me. DSS sounds stressed and says "we've been trying for ages to get hold of DSD" - this is bloody stupid. His mum knows that I'm the one who's at home and is feeding DSD prior to the rehearsal, she knows I'm the one who needs to know that it's not on. She has our landline - obviously. Yet she needs to get DSS to ring me, as she can't just speak to me on the phone angry

This has really pissed me off. There are many, many times when the DSC stop by here at the moment because it's convenient for them - I'm happy to have them here and it's not usually much bother feeding a couple of extras (I have my own DC too) but why can't she just acknowledge that I'm doing that?

TheJingleMumsRush Thu 29-Jan-15 19:13:26

Do you not have a mobile number she can text you on? It may be silly but she's obviously uncomfortable for whatever reason. Texting can be so much easier

wheresthelight Thu 29-Jan-15 19:15:42

my dp's ex is exactly the same!! she will text dp and ask him to ring me to tell me whatever she wants me to know. and no i wasn't the OW!!

TheJingleMumsRush Thu 29-Jan-15 19:18:26

She won't text you wheresthelight ?

wheresthelight Thu 29-Jan-15 19:18:54


TheJingleMumsRush Thu 29-Jan-15 19:19:37

confused, what a palaver!

ImperialBlether Thu 29-Jan-15 19:20:54

Were you the other woman, OP?

wheresthelight Thu 29-Jan-15 19:21:14


the woman drives me scatty. i have never in my life met someone so obstructive!

TallulahTwinkletoes Thu 29-Jan-15 19:24:14

Could it be that she's apprehensive to talk to you? Maybe she feels you wouldn't want to talk to her? I'm not a step parent so no experience but it has all the makings of a very tense situation. I'm sure I'd make a dick out of myself.

PopularNamesInclude Thu 29-Jan-15 19:29:11

You could refuse to fetch and carry for her dc if she can't find the manners to speak to you like an adult. An adult who should be pleased that you have such a caring relationship with her dc. Pathetic.

JeanSeberg Thu 29-Jan-15 19:31:25

Why can't you just text her?

Viviennemary Thu 29-Jan-15 19:31:44

If you were the OW I understand why she behaves the way she does. I think I would myself. Not reasonable of course but niether is stealing somebody else's husband.

TheJingleMumsRush Thu 29-Jan-15 19:35:05

Jean, it was the mum trying to get hold of the op, not the other way round

yellowdaisies Thu 29-Jan-15 19:36:11

No I wasn't the other woman. She left DH for another man! DH had been divorced a year when I met him - so really no reason for her to have a grudge against me.

She probably doesn't have my mobile number, though DSS has it so she could easily get it. I'm sure DH would give it to her if she asked too.

She could even have forwarded the email about the class being cancelled on to me if she wanted - as it happens I was online so would have picked it straight up. She does have my email address because DH usually cc-s me in on emails when she's asking if one of the DSC can stay over and the answer is often yes fine but DH will be working late so he tells her I will sort them out some food, etc. But the reply from her will always come only to DH, never to me - even though he's just told her that I'm the one who will be there.

AndreaZuckerman Thu 29-Jan-15 19:39:01

Why do people always assume (usually wrongly) that stepmums are the OW? hmm I wasn't the OW I met my DH after him and his ex had been split for over a year. They also weren't (shock horror) married as is normally presumed. confused

OP I would be pissed off too. It's bad manners.

yellowdaisies Thu 29-Jan-15 19:41:01

Tallulal - I have spoken to her a few times, when we've been watching DSD's drama plays or something like that. I've always been very polite and pleasant to her so she really can't find me that scary (I'm really not scary, honest grin)

popularnames - I feel like that sometimes, but it wouldn't really just be her that I'd send a message to if I refused, the DSC would be hurt I think. I agree though it is just pathetic not to acknowledge the person who'd actually doing a hell of a lot of looking after your DC.

TheCowThatLaughs Thu 29-Jan-15 19:42:07

My ex's new partner is lovely and wasn't the ow, but I do find speaking to her quite stressful and would rather avoid it if possible. I think she probably feels the same tbh

TheJingleMumsRush Thu 29-Jan-15 19:42:18

That would annoy me to op, sounds like you are being quite reasonable and a bit of common courtesy isn't much to ask when it's you providing the child care. But you can't change her so not much really you can do other than rant here grin.

OllyBJolly Thu 29-Jan-15 19:46:33

I'm usually a very confident person, and have a good relationship with ex and latterly the OW. However, took me a long long time before I could call her - possibly 5-6 years? She's not scary at all - rather lovely actually.

yellowdaisies Thu 29-Jan-15 19:48:16

Thanks mumsrush grin I don't often rant on here to be honest - but was just feeling so pissed off about it tonight. And sorry for DSS who had to get dragged into phoning me because he's mum's too pathetic to do so.

DSD seems quite happy about her unexpectedly free evening and is currently giggling away with my own DD about something, though so feeling a bit less cross now.

I could mention it to DH when he gets in and see if he could ask her just to speak to me direct, but don't want to cause conflict for him.

Hithere123 Fri 30-Jan-15 19:45:15

It drives me mad that my ex's new gf won't speak to me...they live where there is no signal and she gives him hell when I call her when I can't get in touch with him. Just one if those things...grrr!!

Pantone363 Fri 30-Jan-15 19:48:01

I have the reverse, ex's girlfriend hides and refuses to talk to me,

Last week I facetimed the DC and DD4 said "mummy xxx is hiding behind the door"

Bizarre! I dread to think what a bitch ex has made me out to be

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