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wet clothes!!!

(46 Posts)
alwaystryingtobeafriend Sat 10-Jan-15 18:11:24

We get dps kids thru the week and every second weekend and more often than not we get sent over soaking wet clothes for is to dry for the next day. This is near impossible I. The winter as we have no tumble drier. (She does!) She also works part time so I don't see a reason why the clothes can't be dried.

Do pays enough maintnce to cover clothes etc and their arrangement was for their mum to send clothes over. We have bought the kids clothes in the past but for whatever reason they refuse to wear them and they become outgrown.

Is it UN reasonable of me to expect clean dry clothes for the kids every 2nd weekend?

We also get kids thru the week every week for 2 or 3 nights but usually in school uniform so we can rarely go anywhere as dp Hayes taking kids out in school uniform.

concretekitten Sat 10-Jan-15 18:24:10

Personally I would never dream of sending DS to his Dad's with wet clothes, I even usually send more clothes than needed 'just in case' and also so his Dad can have a choice over what he puts him in.

Some people will probably say it's not unreasonable for you to provide clothes for them yourselves, we do for my DSC, but I think if she has agreed to send clothes then it's just decency to send dry ones, unless she's just trying to be awkward?
Surely they don't just have one set of clothes? Surely ALL their clothes can't be wet every single 2nd weekend?

Have you or your DH spoke to her about it?

I'd buy them a set of clothes each for emergencies, maybe they could pick them themselves?

CalicoBlue Sat 10-Jan-15 19:04:57

You are not being unreasonable. Even if you did have a tumble dryer, why should you do the drying.

Ask DH to explain that you do not have a tumble dryer and can not get the clothes dry so can she send dry clothes.

I would also as pp suggested get an emergency set of clothes, just a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a top. They could chose them with you online. I imagine you keep nightclothes and spare pants at yours for them already.

I expect my ex to have clothes at his place for the kids. Every so often he brings over all the clothes he has there as they have a habit of gravitating over there, I sort them out and make sure they all still fit, then send back a couple of sets so he always has clothes there for them.

wheresthelight Sat 10-Jan-15 20:40:33

dp's exw used to send the kids in the tattiest ill fitting clothes ever so I told her to not bother and we went out with the kids and they chose a load of clothes to keep with us.

I would get your dh to have words with his ex and say that as she has agreed to provide clothes then they need to be clean and dry. and then take them out to get an emergency outfit!

MythicalKings Sat 10-Jan-15 20:46:46

Buy them some clothes to wear at yours and leave the wet stuff in the bag and send it back like that.

slkk Sat 10-Jan-15 21:01:21

You need to talk to your dsc about why they won't wear the clothes you buy. Then as open suggest maybe let them choose a few outfits to keep at yours and hopefully this will mean you will b less dependant on what their dm sends.

needaholidaynow Sat 10-Jan-15 21:03:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheJingleMumsRush Sun 11-Jan-15 08:40:23

I too would also do what mythical days, and I'd keep doing it till she got the message. I would spend a few quid in primark to prove my point.

alwaystryingtobeafriend Sun 11-Jan-15 09:00:36

I think the kids feel bad if they don't wear the clothes from their mums.

We have tried keeping clothes here but they just won't wear them.

I think dp should be saying something but
Won't because it will start an arguement. I also have issues with the clothes being sent. For dsd they are inappropriate for this time of year and for the activities we do. ( we take the dog for long walks and dsd has thin shorts and top ??) They are nice clothes just a bit inappropriate. Their um knows this too. We have bought appropriate clothes with dsd and still she won't wear them.

TheJingleMumsRush Sun 11-Jan-15 09:17:07

Well if she didn't send wet clothes they would have a choice. It's wet clothes or your clothes. They will soon be saying to mum to not sent wet stuff, you need to break the cycle

MistAndAWeepingRain Sun 11-Jan-15 09:21:09

Sending wet clothes is really odd.

I can't think what her motivation is. To piss you off? To save money on tumble drying?

The obvious solution is to buy some clothes for the kids to keep at yours. Have you got to the bottom of their reluctance on this? Maybe take them shopping or help them choose online? Would choosing clothes very similar to what they have at their mums help? You could buy seasonally appropriate stuff as well then.

I am the RP and my ex keeps several full sets of clothes for the DCs at his. I always wash (and dry!) 'his' clothes and return them next time he sees the kids. He does the same for me. I think that's normal. Your situation is quite odd OP.

StockingFullOfCoal Sun 11-Jan-15 09:35:10

Thats very bizarre and I wouldn't even know where to start handling that!

StockingFullOfCoal Sun 11-Jan-15 09:35:44

<sorry not helpful>

alwaystryingtobeafriend Sun 11-Jan-15 09:44:21

I just find it weird/ odd that a mother would do this.

Like I say we have tried having clothes but it doesn't make a difference.the kids won't wear them.

ThePriceOfMagic Sun 11-Jan-15 09:54:25

If your DH is reluctant to raise the issue of wet clothes (which sounds a bit wussy TBH) would he be be willing to have a word with his ex and just say, 'oh we've bought DCs some clothes, no need for you to send any, thought we'd save you a job'. If mum wasn't sending clothes then DCs would have to wear yours and it wouldn't be a case if 'choosing' your clothes over their mums which seems to be a problem for them.

ThePriceOfMagic Sun 11-Jan-15 09:56:04

*of

coolaschmoola Sun 11-Jan-15 09:58:49

'we rarely go anywhere as dp hates taking the kids out in school uniform'

I agree with you about the wet clothes, but I think your dp needs to get a grip about this one. He either asks for a set of non uniform during the week or gets over it and takes them out in uniform. Him not liking it isn't a reason to not take kids out! confused

Cabbagesaregreen Sun 11-Jan-15 10:00:12

Do your dh really not have my clothes for them at yours? Perhaps this annoys their mum. Can he not take them shopping so can choose some? I would just let him deal with it all.

MissHJ Sun 11-Jan-15 10:00:41

Hang on if I remember rightly op are the the poster who wrote a thread saying your step daughter moans about you and at times does not like you. Is that maybe why she won't wear them? Because she does not want to wear anything you buy. Would she feel differently if maybe just their dad and the children went out and did some shopping.

I really think it's wise for you to have some spare clothes there if their mother is going to send wet clothes.

Finola1step Sun 11-Jan-15 10:01:36

Tell the kids "It's winter. I can't get your clothes dry. The clothes from your mum will be damp and smelly. Tell me what you would like me to order and we will order a few bits now ready for next time you are here. Dad and I can make sure that the new clothes are clean and dry for when you get here". Then simply wash the clothes they arrive in, dry those and send them back wearing them. Tricky if its school uniform though.

Very odd to send wet washing.

Cabbagesaregreen Sun 11-Jan-15 10:02:48

Does this mean at the moment they are only able to wear their uniform when with you? I can see how this is annoying for you but let them sort it out and get on with it.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 11-Jan-15 10:03:29

We have tried keeping clothes here but they just won't wear them.

Throw it back to the kids. They have wet clothes, they have dry clothes - their choice.

Send the clothes back wet. Let him deal with it.

fedupbutfine Sun 11-Jan-15 10:04:35

Is it UN reasonable of me to expect clean dry clothes for the kids every 2nd weekend

whilst I agree it's a bit over the top, the phrase above stood out to me. She's not your partner's housemaid and yes, I do personally think it a bit much to expect a perfect set of clothes to be sent on the basis that she's got a tumble drier, works part time and you pay what you consider to be adequate maintenance.

By all means expect a mother to stick to an agreement (that she sends clothes for the children on weekends) or that she discusses any changes (I would prefer it if you provided clothes yourselves or I'm going to ask you to do the drying) before implementing them but expecting washed, clean clothes because you pay her to do that and she has more than enough time (in your opinion) to do it is just........I suspect she's making some kind of point badly.

How old are the children concerned that they feel able to refuse to wear clothes from your house? Can you not just let them choose their own - it doesn't have to be expensive, just take a trip to Primark/Asda/Tesco and let them have a couple of pairs of jeans, t-shirts and hoodies each.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 11-Jan-15 10:05:38

"It's winter. I can't get your clothes dry. The clothes from your mum will be damp and smelly. Tell me what you would like me to order and we will order a few bits now ready for next time you are here. Dad and I can make sure that the new clothes are clean and dry for when you get here".

It's winter. Dad can't get your clothes dry. The clothes from your mum will be damp and smelly. Tell dad what you would like him to order and he will order a few bits now ready for next time you are here. Dad can make sure that the new clothes are clean and dry for when you get here'

Corrected for you.

Finola1step Sun 11-Jan-15 10:16:32

Yes Funky you are quite right. I stand corrected. smile

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