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Maintenance!!! AIBU????

(16 Posts)
Homepride1 Fri 09-Jan-15 21:45:31

Ok maybe not the right bored exactly but asking her because I know you ladies cut the shit and say what needs to be said grin basically I need to know if I'm being unreasonable!

Brief back story, my dp of 3 years have split basically to do with his drinking and not wanting our baby when first got pregnant then changed his mind after he got over the shock of it! We have a baby 3 months old together, he has a DS age 11 and I have older dc's 11/9!

Ex dp is basically refusing to pay any maintenance towards our baby saying he is not paying into my household to pay for my older dc as their dad doesn't (absent father) and that he will by milk, nappies, clothes as and when needed!

I don't agree with this as a) he has always paid monthly maintenance to his ex wife and she is remarried with younger dc's and he happily pays onto that house hold and b) he lives one hour away and I think I should be able to pick up what the baby needs as and when and not have to basically beg him to please buy me whatever c) he is not even seeing our baby weekly or anything

I have basically told him to do one and that the baby should get the same money/time as his son does!

Am I being unreasonable in expecting a monthly maintenance towards our baby like his exw gets?

JorgiePorgie Fri 09-Jan-15 21:51:16

Not unreasonable at all. Why is he willing to pay for his son with an ex (who also has other children) but not yourself. Does he have the same conversation with her?

I'd be contacting CMS to sort out maintenance if he's refusing to treat both equally.

ArsenicFaceCream Fri 09-Jan-15 21:51:51


UK law (both systems) agrees with you too.

catsmother Fri 09-Jan-15 21:52:45

He's a twat and whatever argument he might put against paying maintenance is utterly irrelevant in law.

If he refuses to pay voluntarily you can apply to the CSA and they will tell him he has to pay - if he still refuses they can take it directly from his earnings.

They will calculate a sum based on his responsibility towards his child and that's that. This certainly won't include any element for your older kids so he's talking rubbish.

And of course you're not being unreasonable.

Homepride1 Fri 09-Jan-15 22:45:37

Just what I was hoping you wise lot would say but wanted to check incase I was actually just being mental and unreasonable (these exes do have you questioning yourself sometimes)

Yes was thinking about CSA but was hoping we could arrange between ourselves, I'm not sure how it will work because I know usually CSA would calculate his maintenance and split it between his exw and me but in this case him and exw do not use CSA as they arranged theirs through the courts! So don't really know how they will do it also because he has his own business he can very easily minipulate his earning sad

TheJingleMumsRush Fri 09-Jan-15 23:14:20

Agree, he's a twunt! He needs to pay for ALL his kids!

MuttonCadet Sat 10-Jan-15 06:41:17

Contact the CMS and get it sorted,mod course you aren't being unreasonable.

needaholidaynow Sat 10-Jan-15 10:47:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Homepride1 Sat 10-Jan-15 12:45:30

Anyone got any ideas how it would work through CSA though? I know usually it calculated and split between his ex and me but seeing as his maintenance to ex was done through court and finest follow the CSA guild lines for amount I'm not sure how this would work or will they just base it on the fact he has one to pay for at 10/15% (whatever it is) of is income and not take into his account his court order for his older child?

needaholidaynow Sat 10-Jan-15 13:25:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Homepride1 Sat 10-Jan-15 13:54:49

I have spoken to child support options snd apprantatly anything done through the courts after 2003 only actually last a year then after that it's classes as a family based arrangement!

So CSA would calculate it based on 2 children and it would be split so it could well affect his exs money and if he wanted to pay her the less amount that CSA advise then that's up to him and if she wasn't happy with that all she can do is apply to the courts as the court order is now longer valid!

But he can also just pay the minimum to me and carry on paying his ex what he had always paid her if he wants to!

needaholidaynow Sat 10-Jan-15 17:36:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needaholidaynow Sat 10-Jan-15 17:38:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CalicoBlue Sat 10-Jan-15 19:10:20

You are not being unreasonable at all. He should pay for all his kids.

Here is the csa calculator, have have a look and see what it says.

westielover Sat 10-Jan-15 21:18:41

Nothing to do with the ex wife. Forget about that. He should pay for his baby. It's to maintain his baby, not "your household" so what's his problem?

ArsenicFaceCream Sat 10-Jan-15 21:56:47

The EXW aspect might persuade him to keep CSA (or whatever they're called now) out of it, though. If he's on good terms with her and has a steady arrangement, he won't want it disrupted by a CSA case.

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