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Really starting to dislike DSD :(

(7 Posts)
namechanger15 Fri 02-Jan-15 22:25:07

Have name changed for this as I don't want to out myself as I feel so bad about this sad

I've been with DH since DSD was 4, she's now just turned 13.

In the beginning things were great between us, then once I moved in with DH, she would play up every time she visited. But that was understandable, she was jealous etc. As she got older she became more and more difficult, horrible attitude towards me, pushed me around a few times, even at the age of 7/8.

When I was pregnant with DS (she was 9 at the time), she started to say she didn't want to come to ours anymore. This really upset DH and for a while he would just take her out for the day on our weekend with her. But we wanted her to feel integrated into our family so she started coming to stay again just before DS was born. Things were great for a while. She was helpful with DS, she was nice to me, we were all much happier.

When DS reached 18 months and properly started playing with his toys etc, she would do sly little things like snatch a toy off him, or purposely trap his hands in his toy box etc. This would be understandable if she was younger, but she was 11 at the time. She would do things like try to pick him up out of his chair and hurt his arm etc.
It all sound like little things but all together they were starting to make me dislike her.

She seemed to settle down for a while but I'm now pregnant again and its getting worse again. A few times recently DS has fallen over, or hurt himself some other way, and each time she really laughs at him, even though he's crying in pain. She's 13 so I would expect some empathy.

She told DH that she wished I had never got pregnant again as she liked it the way it was before.

All these things I know they sound small, and are quite common of a jealous sibling, half or otherwise. But they are all combining to make me really dislike her. I would never say it to DH but I honestly wouldn't care if she never came round again sad

It doesn't help that she's quite difficult. Eg, she has to be reminded to keep herself clean. She never offers to help at all around the house, even as far as scraping her plate into the bin etc. Even DS at age 3 will do small tasks like scrape his plate, take his dirty clothes to the bathroom etc.
She is constantly in trouble at school as she is rude to her teachers, never does homework etc. DH and DSD's mum are at a loss with her (though they work together well with discipline etc) and I'm just fed up of the whole thing sad

It makes me so sad as I love DH so much and he is such a good husband and father, but part of me wishes I had never got involved with him sad I would never again get into a relationship with a man with children.

Sorry this is so long I just wanted somewhere to rant.

CountingThePennies Fri 02-Jan-15 22:34:47

If dsd is hurting your ds deliberatly then serious consequences need to be put in place.

Its not on to sit back and allow another child to get away with hurting your child.

If she cannot behave when at your house then i would make dh see his daughter away from your home.

How can you trust her to be alone with your ds whilst you nip to the loo or go in the next room?

I believe the reason why people have trouble with non resident children is because they pander to them and make excuses for their behaviour.

Set firm consequences. If she doesnt obide by them she doesnt visit your home. Dh will have to see her away from your home.

namechanger15 Fri 02-Jan-15 22:42:48

She was deliberately doing it when he was younger, around 18 months, but it would always be slyly, like she would have some excuse like "oh I was shutting the toy box and his hand was in the way"etc.

As I said it has got better, but now, while she doesn't hurt him herself, if he gets hurt for any reason she laughs about it.

Mrsgrumble Fri 02-Jan-15 22:48:13

Oh my goodness. I thinks your feelings are totally understandable but I do feel you need to open up more to dh. He needs to discipline her better. I know a lot of the underhand stuff is tricky but the things that are visible. The housework. Manners etc.

It really is tricky sad

RandomMess Fri 02-Jan-15 22:49:46

How sad, clearly your dsd is very unhappy for some reason, and completely understandably so are you sad

Has your dh asked the school to get a counsellor involved, someone neutral who she may open up to about what is going on inside her?

namechanger15 Fri 02-Jan-15 22:55:45

DH is really hands on with the discipline, and I tend to leave it all to him. The amount of times she's been punished for the way she speaks to me, the way she can be with DS etc is ridiculous.

She does already see someone at school due to being bullied when she first started last year. Her mum also struggles with her a lot at home. She has a 6 month old baby and she said DSD often takes her out of her cot while she is sleeping to play or cuddle with her.

I hate the situation but I can't see it changing anytime soon, if anything it will be worse after the baby is born sad

needaholidaynow Fri 02-Jan-15 23:28:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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