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dss mum pushing him away

(4 Posts)
steppyhen Thu 01-Jan-15 21:01:47


dss is 5 and stays at our house 3 nights a week and at his dm 4 nights. For the past year he has been staying at ours extra or relatives on his dm nights.
DM and I both have babys her baby is a year old our almost a year so as you can imagine adding 2 new babys into the mix has shook dss little life up slightly.
Since dss mum had baby she has said it feels like they have not bonded and i have often heard him saying he hates the baby which is awful to hear and his dm has told me he is nasty and she cant trust him near the baby. In our house dss and the baby are best friends he is constantly playing with him singing with him and telling him how much he loves him. I have mentioned this to his mum and u think she thinks im making it up but that's how it is, never had an issue .
Past few weeks she has been texting dh saying she cant cope with dss and that he has no respect for her. Appart from suggesting that we all meet to discuss his behaviour and suggesting he stays4 nights at ours and 3 as a set routine we are stuck as to what to suggest.
dss is a lovely character and I believe he behaves like a normal 5 year old . he gets treats when good and if hes bad then thats dealt with the same way as it is at his dm.
The past few pick ups have been hurrendous dh has said today sje was crying telling him she could not take him anymore she had told dss that he wasnt to come back.
The other week he had took a toy from his brother and when dh picked him up dss went to give his dm a cuddle she pushed him away and would not cuddle him.
my dh is breaking his heart over this has anyone got any suggestions on how to sort this.
( everything is amicable everyone gets on with everyone in case that matters.).

wheresthelight Thu 01-Jan-15 22:38:52

can you have him full time for a bit? it sounds like she is struggling with the two of them and may need a break?

could it be pnd?

Maroonie Fri 02-Jan-15 11:51:32

Could you try accessing some family counselling services?
The main thing is to get to the root of the problem (which could be pnd)
If he came to stay with you full time would this be able to continue indefinitely? if he settles and doesn't want to go back how would you reintroduce nights at his mums? How would contact be with his mum and brother when he was staying with you? If he starts to stay again and the relationship breaks down again will you end up repeating the cycle? Just trying to think of the practicalities as it seems easy to say if she isn't coping and you are then he should stay with you but it's not really going to solve the problem.
Also don't underestimate the rejection he will feel even if it sounds like his choice not to go there.
It sounds like you have an amicable relationship with his mum so I would really try and help them (probably with professionals) to overcome the issues. If it doesn't work you will still have the option of having him full time, but try other avenues first if you can

chocoraisin Fri 02-Jan-15 15:20:51

it really sounds like PND, and if it is, his DM needs help and support. Lots of support to continue as normal as possible a relationship with DSS too, so while it's tempting to whisk him away completely if she's going to return to a normal bond with him and he's not going to be completely damaged by rejection from his DM it sounds like working together to maintain regular, meaningful time with mum but take some of the strain while she gets help might be needed. sad I don't envy you. What a distressing situation for you all. Good luck x

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