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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Step-parenting

DSD house party deception

67 replies

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 14:46

DSD (15) has been staying with her mother this week. DP and I are planning to go to a party about 150 miles away, her mum and sister are going to a different party about 80 miles away. DSD told her mum that tonight she was going to a party at A's house, then staying over at B's house. Her mum bumped into B's mum this morning and turns out they were not staying at B's, that A was not having a party at all and that in fact the party was at our empty house.

DP has gone to collect DSD as his ex has already left for her party. We are staggered at the level of deception (turns out now that she and B have done this before when B's mum was away - lied and said she was there/that B was staying with us as arranged, which we only just worked out from talking to B's mum today).

It's up to DP what he does - but here is where I disagree - he wants us to still go to our friend's party but with DSD. I think she should not be going to any parties and I'm happy to forgo it in order to show how serious we feel this is.

Or am I a meanie who would cut her nose off to spite her face?

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GoofyIsACow · 31/12/2014 14:49

I would take her with you to your party, it is punishment in as much as she will hate it and she isn't getting her planned party, if you don't go you are being punished too.

However, mine aren't teenagers yet so maybe when they are i will be offering such advice as 'lock them in the garage for a week'

Goldmandra · 31/12/2014 14:49

It depends if she would like to go to your party with you.

TBH I think a more appropriate natural consequence would be for her to have to be babysat for the next 3 months every time you need to go out as she is clearly not trustworthy to be left home alone.

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 14:51

She would love to go to our party. It will have a special boy there as well as lots of other kids her age. And booze.

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BrieAndChilli · 31/12/2014 14:52

does se have a nan or aunt or someone that she could be 'babysat' by?

MaryWestmacott · 31/12/2014 14:52

I would also take her to the party, you shouldn't miss out.

I love the idea of booking a babysitter for her everytime you go out!

MaryWestmacott · 31/12/2014 14:53

oh x post, don't take her then! I would try to find a babysitter for her then!

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 14:55

No babysitters - our families are 200-odd miles away..

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ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 14:58

DP now can't find her and she's not answering her phone. She has apparently told her mum she is going to stay at another friend's house this evening. But not said whose.

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ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 14:59

Maybe we should leave it as she's on her mum's watch tonight. But we are worried that the party will still happen if we drive away and leave her down here.

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Teeb · 31/12/2014 15:01

So she's arranged to have a house party at your home while you are away? And now no one knows where she is, but she has access to your home? Hmm, I think I'd be staying in to be honest.

MissWimpyDimple · 31/12/2014 15:02

Can you bolt the door and leave by the back door? Or garage or wherever she doesn't have a key for? Change alarm code etc

aldinator · 31/12/2014 15:03

I would also want to make sure there aren't people turning up at your house while you're out. What sort of party was she planning?

I would send her a text saying she has broken your trust and her phone will (assuming your the bill payers) be suspended for as many weeks as she takes in minutes to respond.

She sounds like she thinks she can do what the hell she likes.

Is she playing her parents off against each other?

CatsClaus · 31/12/2014 15:04

Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaartaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy At Bombers!!!

how many are were coming?? I'd be very loathe to leave my house unattended if teens were expecting An Empty

If I could get my hands on her I'd get her home and make her answer the door to everyone explaining the party is off, was never on and tell everyone what a ninnymuggins she is.

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 15:08

Maybe I will ask the kids who turn up to give me their alcohol for safekeeping and then just say "sorry, party's off, byee". Except I don't like alcopops or cider.

We can't lock her out as she has front and back door keys and would be fully prepared to scale the gate/back wall to get into the garden even if we locked it and climbed out ourselves.

He's still not found her so we're not going anywhere for the foreseeable. Wtf do I say when she slopes in with her "sorry"? I am really unhappy about her deception.

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MinceSpy · 31/12/2014 15:10

Your DH and his Ex were both rather naive to leave a 15 year alone on New Years Eve with the choice of two empty houses. Presumably she has already invited people to your house and if its empty tonight how do you know they won't have a party anyway.

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 15:11

She mosdef plays them off against each other. She lives here 100% but has just started to see her mum again after about 18 months of difficulty. I think there is a bit of a battle going on over where she will live as her mum has stopped paying maintenance (she only paid twice in 18 months but that's another story!).

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financialwizard · 31/12/2014 15:12

See I did this when a teenager and my Mum made me go to the party with her and put a note on the door telling people the party was cancelled. Mortified doesn't quite cover how I felt. Never did it again though.

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 15:13

DP always calls the hosting parent to check the story - apart from the one time we now know about - his ex hasn't had DSD overnight for 18 months so this is all a bit new to her and she just took the story at face value without calling B's mum.

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HerRoyalNotness · 31/12/2014 15:13

I'd go to the party on my own and leave her father behind to deal with tonight's shenanigans tbh.

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 15:17

DSD doesn't have the keys to her mum's so this was her only option. She lied to her mum whose care she is in, told her she was at B's and they told B's mum they were staying at ours - relying on B's mum not calling us to check and the fact she is between 2 houses for it to work. Which it would have if DP's ex had not bumped into B and her mum with DSD2 (as DP's ex has never seen B's mum before today!)

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IDontDoIroning · 31/12/2014 15:18

That's terrible I have a 17, 15 and 13 yo and if any of the. Did this I would be absolutely furious.
It ruins your NYE but wouldn't be leaving her to go to your party as if she has access to your house there is no way of knowing the party won't go ahead.
I also wouldn't be taking her with me if there is a chance she will actually enjoy it. I would also be considering what sanctions she would be getting for this deception and breach of trust. I realise that things have moved on as she's gone AWOL and I assume your main priority is tracking her down.

Do you think she's done that as she is ashamed at being caught out or is just hoping you will go anyway and she can still have her party?

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 15:21

She's back and is now saying she will be going to live with her mum permanently as I am such a bitch.

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Hurr1cane · 31/12/2014 15:24

Oh dear. Why are you such a bitch? Her mum caught her out. Teenagers don't sound fun!

ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 15:26

No specific reason given! Shame at being caught out, humiliation in front of her friends.

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ThePerUnaBomber · 31/12/2014 15:27

Even though I have not said a word to her about it!

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