Teenage boys and step fathers(5 Posts)
Please tell me do your teenagers have good relationship with the step parent?
I left boys dad over 2 years ago, I met current partner 18 months ago and he recently moved in, my 14 year old struggles with the idea of me having someone else. He feels very conflicted because of his dad and the negativity of his dad.
Please tell me the relationship gets easier! My two younger boys love him lots and they get on really well.
My 14 year old ds is actually jealous of my relationship with his step dad. However much dh does for him, he doesn't give him much of a break.
Although your ds's underlying feelings may not change (especially without support from your ex), you might find things settle after more time, and that acceptance comes along with your ds getting more of a life outside home.
I'm finding this age really tough. It also doesn't help that with a step child, non conditional love usually just isn't there as it is with a child of one's own.
I think teenagers find it very difficult in these situations, especially boys as they are struggling with hormones and being on the brink of adulthood yet still very much a child and trying to work out about the opposite sex etc. You say your boy feels "conflicted because of his dad and the negativity of his dad" - do you mean his dad is undermining your new partner. If so this is not on - of course this will mean your boy has divided loyalties and it's just not fair. So many parents use their children to act out their own feelings of resentment etc. and fail to see it's the child that suffers.
My son had a SD from the age of 3 but the r/ship became difficult when he was a teenager and there always seemed to be battles about one thing or another. However my son is now in his 40s and they have an excellent relationship.
I think teenagers tend to not understand that their parent is entitled to a relationship at some point when a marriage breaks down specially boys,my DD had this problem with her eldest 2 boys when they where 13/14 and it took a couple of years for them to see their mums new partner as part of the family,they are now settled with the relationship but it did not get better until they started uni and realised how much DD needed her partner,the younger ones ajusted to the change with no problems I certainly think it is an age thing.
My 16 yo DS has a very good relationship with his stepdad. They've just spent a few days building a new PC together, and spent a lot of bonding time over the new Xbox over the Christmas break! They never really argue at all and DS has never had problems accepting him. We took things very slowly in our relationship - I introduced them after a year of dating, then had a dating-only relationship (no overnights when DS was at home) for four years, then we got married after being engaged for a year, before we moved in together. So DH has had years to develop a strong relationship with DS and my whole extended family.
I actually raised DS as a single mum from birth, without any input from his bio dad, so in a way that has lessened the conflict - DS doesn't have any kind of relationship with his dad, though he had great male role models from my own dad and brothers. DS has never shown any problems in accepting that I need a relationship of my own, he saw our marriage as just another wedding in the extended family.
I still do the bulk of parenting with DS - disciplining etc, which I think helps. DH is very laid back in his personality and doesn't get stressed by minor issues like mess or teenage lie-ins, which could otherwise lead to conflict.
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