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Need some motivation to give DP a push

(6 Posts)
suitcaseofdoom Sat 13-Dec-14 00:04:37

I've been going out with someone for about six months who has children.

I think I just can't do it?

It's not a value judgement at all but I'm already pissed off (even though they're at the latter stages of uni he seems to have a bit of a "drop everything and run" attitude to them - like they expect him to help with their uni homework etc) and I get the vibe he's going to be at their beck and call indefinitely.

Which is fine, but not working for me. I haven't met them and don't want to (he has offered and they know about me but I'm not interested blush)

We've agreed to go casual (as in I'm dating other people), but you know when you really like someone and things are almost but not quite perfect and it's hard to really be involved with anyone else?

I think I need a push, I do really like him, things are splendid, but the "children situation" is looming over me like a sword of Damocles and I'm not motivated enough to end things definitively - even though he knows I'm considering other options he is still very available/nice which is a problem?

I'm starting to make catty comments and it isn't how I want to be sad.

I'm generally happy being single and lots going on in my own life

(that's part of the problem in a way - I get the vibe DP wants to be on call for his adult children "until they reject him" and then just parachute into this new life that I've built myself, which I think will lead to major resentment?)

Can everyone PLEASE give me a stern talking to, advice, slap with wet fish etc? I need motivation.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sat 13-Dec-14 00:18:11

Well, the "children" situation isnt going to change.

So you either accept him as a father or finish it.

noseyfrog Sat 13-Dec-14 17:34:46

There is no need for him to be at the beck and call of these "children" but I doubt you'll change him so def get rid now

marne2 Sat 13-Dec-14 17:56:09

hmm why are you with this man? You don't want to know his kids or be a part of their lives, you don't want him running off to see them all the time?

Having a relationship with a man who already has children can be hard work, they will always be a big part of his life and he is likely to put them first ( if he didn't then he would be a bit of a c*nt ). If you don't want to be a part of their lives then this is not the relationship for you.

needaholidaynow Sat 13-Dec-14 20:38:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bellalunagirl Sun 14-Dec-14 09:15:53

I agree with needa. I think our sense of balance is screwed when it comes to step kids. I certainly wouldn't expect my dad to always put my needs/wants ahead of my step mum's, that would be a bit wierd IMHO hmm

I think the fact you don't want to meet them though tells you that this family isn't for you. I would call it quits if I were you before it goes any further. He isn't going to change, you probably won't feel different so you're at an impasse. Save yourself any more stress, life is far too short.

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