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Going into labour when DSC are with us...

(22 Posts)
MaltedMilkBiscuits Wed 10-Dec-14 15:03:20

After an antenatal class last night (30 weeks pregnant), DH said something along the lines of 'oh if DCS are with us when you go into Labour they'll just come to the hospital with us wont they?'

I said no, I would expect him to either take them home or they go to his parents. I told him that if I/we had other DCs they would be sent to grandparents / friends houses too. Regardless of step-status, I don't fancy anyone being around other than DH.

I'd like to add, their mum and her parents live fairly local - 15 mins drive - and the in laws are 30mins away and would probably come to ours to watch them if needed. Also, they're not babies, they're teens (practically) 11 and 14. I don't think they would WANT to be there anyway would they?

I know he wants them involved as much as possible - as do I - but I thought that having them around while I'm actively in labour was a bit much?! We're close, but I don't really want them to witness me contracting and dilating and moaning etc! I did explain this to him and said that I will need him concentrating on me and he did agree so it's fine -there's no issue or argument and its only a slight possibility of it even happening, but I just wondered what others have done in this situation?

Interested to hear your stories!

itiswhatitiswhatitis Wed 10-Dec-14 15:05:07

They wouldn't be allowed in anyway so he needs to plan for what to do if they are with you when you are in labour.

MaltedMilkBiscuits Wed 10-Dec-14 15:10:06

Oh yes, I thought that too! Yea he will, I think we will probably ask his mum and dad.

How about when we're still at home? i.e. first stage of labour - it wouldn't be mean to send them elsewhere or something then would it? If they were our children I would do the same its nothing to do with them being steps!

needaholidaynow Wed 10-Dec-14 15:16:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Middleagedmotheroftwo Wed 10-Dec-14 15:16:44

You could be in labour for more than 24 hours. Even if they were allowed, they'd be bored rigid!

First stage labour may not last very long, so I'd get DP to arrang for kids to be collected or deliver them to wherever as soon as it starts.

And (though it won't happen, but you need to be prepared) what if something goes wrong with the labour?

It's not a place for kids - he really needs to make other plans.

MaltedMilkBiscuits Wed 10-Dec-14 15:23:40

Oh yes he will make other plans, it will be fine, I just wanted to know what others had done and check I wasn't being mean really...!

I did say that to him Middleaged - he hadn't thought about it. haha! Typical.

MaltedMilkBiscuits Wed 10-Dec-14 15:26:50

needaholiday - I think his ex would be ok but she would be the last resort. Even if his parents came to ours to watch them and then dropped them off to hers at normal time that could work.

purpleroses Wed 10-Dec-14 15:32:14

At that age I'd just leave them home alone as a last resort until someone could pick them up - or they could go to friends' houses. The labour ward I'm sure would tolerate the odd toddler in an emergency but isn't going to want you turning up with an 11 and a 14 year old.

If their mum would have them at short notice, then that's almost certainly the best option. She's not going to want them being left unattended at a hospital for a day or more.

If it's your first baby it's not likely to be a fast labour, so you'd most likely have a few hours still at home to sort something out before you need to leave for the hospital.

MaltedMilkBiscuits Wed 10-Dec-14 15:37:15

Thanks Purple I think so too, I am hoping to spend as much time at home as I can before going to hospital, so there would be time to take them elsewhere/them be collected if needed.

ChristmasSparklee Wed 10-Dec-14 20:47:07

The most important thing when you're in labour is that you're relaxed, having ppl around who u don't want there is just going to raise your stress levels which will increase your pain.

If they're there when you start early labour i'd go for a relaxing bath and don't come out of the bathroom until they've been taken to their grandparents or wherever they're going.

When i went in to labour with my 2nd I found it quite stressful to have my DS around, I just didnt want him seeing mummy in pain.

When it gets to around you're due date, try and have ppl on standby when u have the DSC with you.

Vvvoom Mon 15-Dec-14 05:01:51

Completely normal to have dc picked up so you are free to labour and your dp is free to support you. Sounds like your dp isn't very prepared ... Get him to an antenatal class and be v clear that his job will be to do whatever you want!

Beatrixemerald Mon 15-Dec-14 09:32:49

we had arranged we would drop dsd (15) back at her mums if labour started during the night which it did, all worked fine was chatting to dsd in kitchen whilst losing my water's! (had pad in smile)

ladygracie Mon 15-Dec-14 09:36:15

Oh yes totally normal for them to go elsewhere. I kept my children when their step-mum had their sister & it was fine.

ladygracie Mon 15-Dec-14 09:37:02

Sorry meant to add but I would have gone & collected them if that was needed.

PotteringAlong Mon 15-Dec-14 09:39:01

Completely normal to go elsewhere - not step children but my DS was shipped to PiL for the duration of labour.

MinceSpy Mon 15-Dec-14 09:39:51

If they are there during the early stages at home I wouldn't send them away immediately but once things progress then they will probably want to leave you both and then see you once baby has arrived.

MarianneSolong Mon 15-Dec-14 09:42:31

You simply do not know what will happen when you go into labour - especially if it is your first. Nothing could have prepared me for the extremity of the experience and I could not have taken care of anybody else at that time. So, while there are others who would do it differently, I'd make plans for the care of your stepchildren - and then make sure they meet their new sibling as soon as possible..

MaltedMilkBiscuits Mon 15-Dec-14 10:58:59

Thanks everyone. I think DH gets it now. I told him in no uncertain terms that I need him concentrating on me, not entertaining two teenagers.

We will sort a plan and hopefully it wont matter either way cos they wont be with us!

They will defo be coming to see their brother as soon as they can, they will probably come along with PIL to the hospital once we've had an hour or so on our own.

Petal02 Mon 15-Dec-14 11:32:03

Yep - it's quite acceptable for children of a 'together family' to be despatched to grand parents etc when Mum goes into labour, so its fine to have step children despatched too.

Redbird12 Mon 15-Dec-14 21:23:37

Just to add don't guarantee to the DSC that they will immediately be able to come to the hospital to see the new baby. We had DSS (12) staying when i went into labour and MIL came to look after him but it was a long night/day that resulted in a c-section for me and on to a high dependency ward where only partners were allowed. Then on to another ward where the only children allowed were other children of the mother. DH had to sweet talk them in to allowing DSS in to see his new brother!

MaltedMilkBiscuits Tue 16-Dec-14 09:31:45

Redbird my plan is if all is well. If I am in trouble then it will have to change of course. But currently my plan that everything will be fine haha!

Cocolate Tue 16-Dec-14 09:35:41

My 7 year old was with me (early surprise arrival of baby#2) and keeping the pain and stress hidden was torture! You will need to be able to focus on just you and your dh will have to be able to do the same. The hospital were very accommodating but dh missed the birth and most (to his relief) of the labour. I didn't mind as it was #2 and the doctor and mid wife were amazing and it was my child keeping dh from me as such but I would if it could have been avoided.

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