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how often does the NRP speak to the kids on the phone?

(30 Posts)
SecretSatan Mon 08-Dec-14 15:54:24

I'm trying to get an idea of what is normal or reasonable.

Thank you smile

WestEast Mon 08-Dec-14 15:58:38

My DP speaks to his daughter every couple of days, with an extra call over his not contact weekend, it's usually face time. It's quite ad hoc, not rigid.

MrsSnail Mon 08-Dec-14 15:59:27

Never. Shes goes EOW but he doesn't ring. Shes 4

daisychainmail Mon 08-Dec-14 16:04:14

Mine tries at the weekends but they don't pick up/call back!!

Wassailywassailywassaily Mon 08-Dec-14 16:09:34

Never, We split when DS was a baby. He is now 14 and has probably been phoned by his dad less than 14 times in his life. He does see him nearly every other weekend though.

18yearstooold Mon 08-Dec-14 16:16:12

Never but he has a go at me if I don't ring them during the one weekend a month he has them!

FreeSpirit89 Mon 08-Dec-14 16:22:02

Not once in 4 years.

SecretSatan Mon 08-Dec-14 16:30:25


The NRP in this case (sorry I'm cagey, don't want to put detail) phones every day at the same time (for 10-15 mins conversation, the DC are small, and completely accepting of the DC being busy/out whatever) but the RP has said that now the NRP can only speak twice a week, and has said the phone will be disconnected the rest of the time.

Obviously the NRP is upset by this.

Do any of you have an opinion as to whether this is too much contact?

gingermopped Mon 08-Dec-14 16:39:02

my dc's speak to there dad every evening, sumtimes a half hour chat, sumtimes a quick hello.
on occasion if he doesnt call the kids ask to call him

Coffeeinapapercup Mon 08-Dec-14 16:45:59

No not too much as long as there really isn't any hassle if it doesn't fit with what is going on.

But there is an argumen for saying the nrp doesn't really know the context of the phone call for the rp. For a while we had weekly court ordered telephone contact, which invariably led to panicky upset dd before and after. Thankfully it very quickly broke down naturally, but had I the option I would have been calling time on dds behalf. As it was u could only pick up the pieces afterwards.

Hurr1cane Mon 08-Dec-14 16:47:29

Never, and I don't ring DS while he's at his dads either. That's their special time. We are very amicable, even slept in the same hospital room when DS was admitted,

Hakluyt Mon 08-Dec-14 16:51:06

Surely whenever child/NRP wants to?

riverboat1 Mon 08-Dec-14 16:56:48

DP has his DS eoweekend. They don't speak on a regular basis between that, only if one of them has something they particularly want to talk about to the other. Probably averages out to about one phone call a week. But his mum certainly wouldn't stop him calling DP more if he wanted to, or block DP from calling him.

ChiefBillyNacho Mon 08-Dec-14 17:12:03

About 3 times that I can think of in just over 4 years. He's called me loads (normally to have a go or get difficult about something) but never asked to speak to her, which says it all really.

Daily wouldn't bother me, unless the calls were upsetting for dd or she didn't want to speak to him and that was causing issues.

springalong Mon 08-Dec-14 17:14:24

It can be disruptive so we don't have many phone calls. If NRP wants to speak to DC then we agree the time and then I make sure that DC know that there are no time restrictions or other commitments and they can talk for as long as they want. They are also allowed to take the phone where they want and I don't disturb the call.

If DC ask to speak to NRP (perhaps upset or achievement) then I will phone but if message left then we don't call back.

So in general, always calls on Xmas day or birthdays. Rarely during the week or contact weekends.

purpleroses Mon 08-Dec-14 17:15:29

Just when there's something he needs to ask them or tell them really. That's what my DH does, and also what my ex does.

I can't see the point of pre-arranged slots every day to be honest. Children rarely want to speak on the phone in this manner, and I can see why the RP might find it intrusive into her family life really - even if he accepts that they may be out, it still interrupts whatever else they're up to.

Can't see a problem with reducing it to a couple of times a week, or better still move to a more flexible system when he speaks to them when there's something happened in their lives that he wants to ask them about - or they phone him when they want to tell him something. That's much more natural and relaxed.

HonestLie Mon 08-Dec-14 17:16:42

I do think that every night at the same time could be intrusive into the RPs evening and plans with the children. Could he request every second evening as a compromise?

financialwizard Mon 08-Dec-14 17:17:01

Twice a month tops. See's DS maybe 3 times a year tops.

He's going for father of the year award wink

Hakluyt Mon 08-Dec-14 17:19:24

Good idea. And maybe a SAH parent could ask that the WOH parent only comes home every second evening because their arrival might interfere with the SAH parent's plans for the children............

Wassailywassailywassaily Mon 08-Dec-14 17:20:21

OP to try to answer your question. I would have found daily phone calls a bit much especially with a very young child who I would have had to manage on the phone. I had a fairly acrimonious relationship with ex though and I would have seen it as interfering and manipulative but then that is probably my own unreasonableness.

AlpacaMyBags Mon 08-Dec-14 17:23:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HonestLie Mon 08-Dec-14 17:24:26

Haklyut, that's completely different as they are a member of that household. There has to be some come and go with split families IMHO and whilst the RP isn't happy with every night the NRP isn't happy with twice a week what's wrong with a compromise?

It could be interrupting any number of things. How often does the NRP see the children OP? Does the RP ring every night they are staying away?

Bluegill Mon 08-Dec-14 17:29:45

Ds dad rings sporadically but usually at least once a week. God knows why (so he can feel like dad of the century) when he only spends a few hours a month with him, he rarely sleeps over and he never ever has him more than one night. He never ever has him in the holidays and he only lives a 10 minute drive away. He's a fucking prize! (Sorry for swearing )

needaholidaynow Mon 08-Dec-14 17:41:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fedupbutfine Mon 08-Dec-14 17:41:49

All I can tell you is my story. I went through 18 months of daily contact on an almost 50/50 shared care basis. This was the first 18 months of separation. My ex insisted on daily contact with the children and I had no clue I could object. When the children were with him, I would phone and he would refuse to pick up the phone. I would have to phone back several times and he would then pick up the phone but I don't think he picked up first time once during that time. If I didn't phone (because I was at work late and travelling or just wanted a night off from his crap), he would phone me in front of the children and leave messages about what a bad mother I was. By contrast, the expectation was that I picked up by the second ring and if I didn't, he would scream at me that I was a 'contact-blocker' and 'wasn't acting in the children's best interests' and a whole host of personal and unpleasant stuff. It got to the point where I was sitting on the sofa with the phone in my hand at least 15 minutes before he was due to phone with tears pouring I was so....well, I guess I was scared.

It took 18 months to find the guts to tell him to sod off. He hasn't phoned since. Typical bully - just needed standing up to. The downside is that I can no longer phone the children when they are with him but I think it is less unsettling for all of us to do it this way.

Whilst I wouldn't suggest everyone is like my ex, it is intrusive and there needs to be some kind of compromise. I would be happy for him to phone every day as long as he accepted that if I don't answer, it's not because I'm being difficult, it's about the fact that I'm doing something else, we're not in, or we're just enjoying being together and don't want disturbing and not because I am deliberately being difficult.

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