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Just need to vent

(98 Posts)

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thelonelyone Tue 02-Dec-14 19:35:34

Sorry this is my first post. Just need to talk to some people anonymously. As so much is secret in real life
so. I love my DP and DSD more than anything. I love being with them. DSD lives with us full time.
Me and DP met 3.5 years ago when he was still with his ex, me and him were close friends. He confided in me about his terrible, sexless relationship then our friendship turned into more. He had just started a business with this woman he apparently didn't love. We started seeing each other in secret. He told me how much he didn't like her over and over. Then he tells me she is pregnant! He was adiment he didn't want the child and she was conceived before we started seeing each other the one time they had sex in almost 4 years. We planned to leave together at Christmas that year, that changed to new year, then april (my birthday). We didn't leave until which time we had been secretly seeing each other for 16 months whilst I had to stand by and watch him play happy families with his ex.
By the time we finally moved away together I had met DSD 3 times. I didn't want her in my life, he was obviously besotted with her by this time so I agreed she could stay two days a week. Over the six months we were away I fell in love with this little girl. So we move back to the region decide to have DSD for the first week...6 MONTHS later she is still here, I love her as if she was my own and love her being with us, her mum has had her probably 7 days in 6 months. She always makes excuses not to. DP is always telling me he hates her but I also see things he texts her and he talks to her about the things he should tell me. And on top of all this she still doesn't know that we live together. It had been over a year and he has just told her that we are seeing each ether but said it has only been since May of this year. I do all the mum things for DSD but she gets to be called mum. And he still talks to her as if they are a couple.

latorgator Tue 02-Dec-14 19:43:59


WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Tue 02-Dec-14 19:48:57

Nice mess youve created for yourself isnt it. He's an arsehole. You chose him. Congratulations.

latorgator Tue 02-Dec-14 19:49:53

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fedupbutfine Tue 02-Dec-14 20:00:06

Quite seriously, what else did you expect?

wheresthelight Tue 02-Dec-14 20:03:25

if this is real...

you need to sit down and have a long and honest chat with your dp about how you are feeling wrt being his dirty secret. dsd is bound to tell her mum at some point so it is better that she hears it from him than their child.

fedupbutfine Tue 02-Dec-14 20:08:26

Nice bit of creative writing more like
speaking as someone who has a back story no sensible, rational person would ever in their right mind believe (and not entirely different to the story the OP is spouting here - although I should qualify I was the wife, not the other woman), I would say that it's more than possible it's entirely true.

Of course, the 'we only had sex once in 4 years and got pregnant' is indeed a lovely piece of creativity which the OP knows but doesn't want to face up to. I'm afraid until she deals with that, it will be impossible to deal with anything else.

alwaystryingtobeafriend Tue 02-Dec-14 20:09:20

Well i know you didnt come here to get grilled and yes it seems you are a bit of a mess and im not surprised you feel a bit hurt and put out. But you did kinda chose the life you are leading and seemed to let it happen.

You cant expectdsd not to call her mum just that even if shw dows only see her for a few days every month. Ita not your call. All you can do (if yoh are happy with evetything else) is to keepgoi g and not let it worryyou. Maybe one day when dsd is olddr she will want to call you mum. But thats up to her.

It sojnds more like dp wasnt ready to move into auch a commited relationship though. Maybe ypu and he should talk things through and see what he expects and tell him how you feel about his relationship with ex. men are daft sometimes and dont see what they are doing wrong and need told.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Tue 02-Dec-14 20:12:24

Nah, daftness isnt a man thing. Some women can choose to be quite blind to the bleeding obvious as well.

needaholidaynow Tue 02-Dec-14 20:14:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Tue 02-Dec-14 20:16:29

Has he got a gold plated cock or something?

Seriously, he must be some fuck and a half.

FlossyMoo Tue 02-Dec-14 20:28:04

OP. Read your post. Imagine it is written by somebody else. What advice would you give this person?

Once you have done that run for the hills, don't look back and be glad you had a lucky escape before you had a child with this fuckwit person and was tied to him for life.


wickedlazy Tue 02-Dec-14 20:31:48

You really believe they only had sex once in four years and she got pregnant? Just before he started seeing you? hmm

You knowingly slept with a man that had a clueless dp. I wonder if this poor woman sees her daughter so little because of the turmoil that her dp was fucking someone else while she was pregnant (which is wrong yes, but her ex should be encouraging her to see her dd more). I don't think it's appropriate that you are living with this man and she has been lied to about this. But that's just my opinion.

You were the ow, and usually the ow will be cheated on also. He could be seeing his ex behind your back. Maybe he regrets meeting you/leaving her for you. He certainly strung you along long enough to suggest he didn't really want to leave her. Maybe she would take the chance to get some revenge/let you know how it feels to be the ow.

You got yourself into this mess, and now you have to deal with all the shit. I have very little sympathy for you.

wickedlazy Tue 02-Dec-14 20:33:00

*how it feels when your dp finds an ow

wickedlazy Tue 02-Dec-14 20:36:12

Oh and she gets to be called mum because she IS her mum. She may not see her often, but she does see her.

riverboat1 Tue 02-Dec-14 20:47:47

WTF? The mother has basically handed over her baby daughter to the dad full time yet doesn't know the OW is now acting as her mum? Your DP impregnated his wife while he was having an affair with you and now seems to be cheating on you with her? This is...bizarre. Is it really real?

latorgator Tue 02-Dec-14 20:49:36

Walk away op, find a single man and be happy

lunar1 Tue 02-Dec-14 21:08:52

You will only get more hurt as time goes on. Walk away, deal with the loss and find a single man with no children to have a family with. No matter what this little girl isn't yours, your partner could disappear with her at any moment. It's time to protect yourself.

thelonelyone Tue 02-Dec-14 21:17:14

Ok. Obviously made the wrong choice on where to get advice. I can assure you this is all true. If you lot think this just imagine how I feel. I am young he is much older than I and my first love. I know that I was the ow and have said to him many of times that I don't want to be his dirty little secret anymore. He is an amazing guy. I just don't get why he chooses to live in a lie. Any argument we have is about me thinking his ex should know the truth. He just doesn't see it. He incourages DSD to call me mummy and I constantly tell him it is wrong.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Tue 02-Dec-14 21:21:56

I dont know the guy from a binbag but i can tell you he is not an amazing guy and he is stringing you along.

thelonelyone Tue 02-Dec-14 21:23:13

As unrealistic as it sounds the thing about the sex is true. She has said as much

thelonelyone Tue 02-Dec-14 21:26:14

DP does try to encourage his ex to spend more time with DSD she agrees then makes excuses not to have her last minute

riverboat1 Tue 02-Dec-14 21:28:47

What, she told you herself they only had sex once in 4 years? Huh?

FlossyMoo Tue 02-Dec-14 21:33:13

Have you thought OP that she could be suffering Postnatal Depression and not just be the shit mum he makes out?

Lets face it she found out her husband was fucking about while she was pregnant then he left her.

You need to get away from this man. He will ruin your life like he has hers.

Also amazing men do not cheat on their wives or lie about their partner. Amazing men do NOT behave that way. FUCKWITS do.

FlossyMoo Tue 02-Dec-14 21:36:49

And another thing why the hell are you taking his every word as gospel?

You already know what an accomplished liar he is, he has lied about you to those closest to him your whole relationship. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could spit. Which by the way is not far, I was never an accomplished much to my shame.

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