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So fed up of DP's ex!!

(9 Posts)
JustHadEnoughNow Tue 02-Dec-14 11:59:28

Name changed for this as I worry this rant could out me if DP's ex is on here. Apologies in advance for the giant rant but things have been building up and I feel like I'm going to explode!

I've really had enough of DP's ex and the constant shit she pulls. She tried restricting contact the most recent contact weekend, claiming DSS was too ill and unless we made sure to buy cough syrup, calpol etc, we weren't allowed to see him but really she didn't want him leaving the house and would rather we didn't have him even if we did buy the medicine. Fair enough if he's ill that's fine, we'd change our plans (were planning on going christmas shopping amongst other things) and just keep him in, snuggle up and watch a movie for example. Turns out he's been in school all week (if he was that ill I personally as well as DP would have kept him home!) and he's got a little bit of a cough but that's it. And we had a wonderful time with our original plans.

She's always complaining saying DP is a shit Dad who's only interested when it suits him yet every single time DP asks if he can see him more she tells him to fuck off. We currently have DSS every other weekend and despite DP asking her if he can pick him up from school once or twice a week and spend the evening with him, she either ignores him or says no. She recently told DP it was DSS's parents evening, then the day before she sent him a text saying how it had gone and when he questioned her and said wtf I thought it was tomorrow, she said no it was today. Confused DP phoned school next day and DSS's teacher told him there hasn't been a parents evening yet, they simply gave out school progress sheets and gave an additional one to DSS's Mum to give to him.

The latest argument was regarding the clothes / shoes DSS was wearing. DP picked him up after school for the weekend and he had on a massively oversized super thin tracksuit type jacket and holey shoes. We've recently bought him a waterproof coat so goodness knows where that is. Mum said he's lost both the waterproof one and his nice thick warm one. Asked her if she was going to buy a new one as well as new shoes and if not we'd take him shopping. She said no but it's fine if we want to go shopping. DSS chose the shoes himself and first thing he said to me (DP was in work) was when I see Mummy can I show her my new shoes please, in a super excited voice. He was so proud of them and couldn't wait to show her. When DP dropped him off the next evening, Mum took one look and shot him down saying "he can't wear those! He'll just have to wear his holey ones." For goodness sake they're plain black velcro shoes!! Poor DSS was so excited to tell her too!! Apparently though, DP is a childish dumbass just looking for an argument when he complained about their son being sent to school in inappropriate clothes in the cold and wet. Apparently he's acting like a martyr because he actually bought him something for once (not to mention the fact his entire school uniform was bought by us as well as every single pair of shoes he's owned in the last year but of course he never buys anything...). m

I absolutely hate her attitude lately. Since she had a new baby she just doesn't seem to give a shit about DSS and wants nothing more than to piss off DP. She complains she can't afford new shoes etc for DSS whilst simultaneously spending hundreds to a thousand on an engagement ring because she thinks it'll piss DP off her parading around with a big engagement ring. He couldn't care less as long as she's putting her children (including DSS's brother who's not DP's) first! He only cares about the fact her and her fiance's relationship is so on and off and if it becomes permanently off DSS will be the one hurt! If DP and I ever got to the point where we couldn't provide for DSS because of our wedding plans, we'd happily bring our wedding back to just the ceremony (which is already booked and paid for) and forget every other part of it as the most important person is DSS!

There is so much more to it than this but I think I've had a long enough rant for now! It's just frustrating and the amount of times she's upset DSS just to wind up DP is unbelievable! It really upsets DP and I the way she treats DSS. DSS gets visibly upset with her attitude at times and we'd do anything to protect him from it all, but there's nothing more we can do! I seriously hope and pray she gets her act together and sorts it out before DSS is old enough to truly realise and remember. My Mum had to grow up knowing her Mum (my Nan) barely gave a shit about her and only cared about her brother and sister who had a different Dad. It was awful for her and I really pray DSS doesn't have to go through that sad

19lottie82 Tue 02-Dec-14 13:11:59

honest advice? I appreciate it's good to have a rant on here, but in the real world stay out of it / ignore her, and just do the best you can for your DSS.

alwaystryingtobeafriend Tue 02-Dec-14 13:43:51

OP I totally understand how you feel. I have a similar situation here. Its so hard not to get involved but in my opinion as long as you and dp agree / have an understanding on everything and you both want whats right for dss then all you can do is support dp as much as you can and just do what you can for dss. If you are getting him clothes etc keep them at yours so he has nice clothes when he visits And just do your best by him and dp. Its so hard and i am slightly suprised at dps ex behavjng in such a way. I wonder how her new partner feels about her flaunting and tryung to make her ex jealous. Sounds like she is lnt completwly over him if she is acting like that and it will be annoyig her than you and your dp are happy and doing everything you can.

For the most part try to ignore her seems like she is trying to get a riae out of you. Also pick your battles.( im learning this the hard way) and if in doubt tea and wine help immensly!! x

daisychainmail Tue 02-Dec-14 14:42:06

OP it would only out you if this were an unusual story. It's almost* funny how many of us share exactly the same problem.

*almost but not.

Courage! And wine

Agree with PP, there's nothing you can do.

JustHadEnoughNow Tue 02-Dec-14 15:06:48

Thanks lottie, I do try to ignore her. Thing is I know it wouldn't be helpful to DP if I were to rant about it to him and I just felt like I had to get it out there before I drive myself insane.

always I'm sorry to hear you have a similar situation. I'm continually surprised by Dp's ex's behaviour. I can never understand how a mother can act that way towards her child. It's quite sad but DP isn't ever surprised by anything she does any more. I've no idea what her partner thinks. He left her about a month or two ago and made her move back in with her parents with DSS and their several months old baby. Now all of a sudden they're back together with a big flashy engagement ring parading around like nothing's wrong - hence why DP worries about DSS and how gutted he'd be if they split up. Part of me really does think she's not over DP even though she left him about 4 years ago now. I've briefly mentioned it to DP in the past and he just looks at me like I'm crazy and says he bloody hopes not.

I know it's not easy. No matter what happened in their relationship and who left, it still can't be easy seeing your partner (and parent of your child) move on with someone else and then that partner getting on really well with your child. But, I just wish she'd put her feelings aside for the sake of DSS.

Re clothes, the problem is if we don't buy a thick coat / school shoes etc. he'll be stuck in old, thin, holey, non fitting ones whenever he's worth her. It pisses DP off the amount of times we have to buy things as we never get them back but I personally would rather know that DSS has a thick coat, new shoes etc. as Mum won't buy them if it's left to her.

Tea and wine is definitely good advice smile

Daisy I think my bigger worry is this rant coupled with everything else I've written outing me. Whilst I'd rather DSS's Mum didn't read this post as it'd cause more hassle, I certainly don't want her reading my other posts. I've not written anything about her but I have written rather more about my personal life than I care for her to know about. It's really sad how many others are in similar sorts of situations!

wheresthelight Tue 02-Dec-14 16:41:31

it's quite common unfortunately and we have same issue here with dp's ex and her behaviour.

find a good friend in rl who you can vent too, it really helps!!

latorgator Tue 02-Dec-14 19:14:17

Like others have said, as hard as it is, try to let dp deal with her. Carry on doing what you are doing for dss, that's all you can do. I don't have much more to add than the others but like you said, sometimes it's just good to rant. Better here than RL.
wine have this on me grin

latorgator Tue 02-Dec-14 19:15:44

Unless, like wheres says and you have a good RL friend you can rant to

Wotsitsareafterme Tue 02-Dec-14 19:18:35

I dont have a solution either just solidarity because my dp ex is a twunt too.

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