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difficult 15 yrs old dsd......

(6 Posts)
teen15 Wed 19-Nov-14 14:00:32

Not seen my dsd for 6 months now. she stopped coming down here out of the blue and she said she doesn't like me!... (ive known her since she was 23 m old). Her dad and me got married last year, dsd was my chief bridemaid to make her feel special cos she was having a really bad time at her home with her mum and her mums boyfriend as dsd doesn't like her mums new boyfriend which now is an fiancé. Dsd not happy about it and we told her whilst she is living with her mum she got to accept it. She came to ours for 2 wks after we got married, she got kicked out by her mum cos of a row between dsd and mums fiancé. We've asked her to come and live with us numerous of times. dsd didn't hear from her mum for 2 wks and then suddenly mum rang and dsd went back home.

Since we got married. Dsd hardly spoken a word to me. so I thought she just being a 15 yrs old and I've tried to drag a conversation out of her but failed. she never been the one who sits down with me and talk about her day or anything.

In march this year, she was always upstairs in her bedroom, revising, and I always went up to check if she was ok and she always had a smile!. I even asked her before she stopped coming her if she was ok? As she was crying the week before saying she doesn't feel wanted in this family!?!....

Now she doesn't like me for whatever reasons, she just said to her dad "you know what it is, you've seen her the way she is with me!!".......errrr....... Nope.

Dh did see her 3 m later and the conversation was the same and she is happy to see everyone but not me......i am sure I am not a witch!! But I could never gets two words out of her!!!

I have 3 kids with dh. Who are dearly missing her. We are all.missing her but she bring so awkward for whatever reason.

I just hope this is normal?? As I spoken to her nan this week via fb msgs and said dsd is hiding in her bedroom, got an attitude on, v moody and v lippy. she always at her friends house for sleepovers every weekends so she hardly at home. but dsd is completely the opposite her as we've only ever seen her abit moody. That's it!. her nan told me not to worry as she will snap out of it..

When!??!

HesNotAMessiah Wed 19-Nov-14 14:19:22

Does sound like 'normal' teen behaviour, though she may be successfully playing bother her mum and her dad at the same game.

And maybe getting more concessions from mum.

She may well feel unwanted, or not want to be in the family, not unusual for teenagers to want to break free but resent their adults for not trying to stop them.

Wouldn't be surprised if soemone suggests writing to her and telling her how much you're all missing her, might be worth a try?

I've also ordered the book 'Hot to talk to teens so they will listen and how to listen to teens so they will talk', not been delivered yet so can't comment on it but seems to be an eye opener for many.

teen15 Wed 19-Nov-14 14:48:18

Yes I did think about her playing bother with both of her parents. yes she was arguing alit with her mum and had ran away 3 times in a year since we last saw dsd.. she changed alot since her mum had a new boyfriend. Dsd just wanted how it used to be...her, her mum, and her sister 10 and baby brother 3.

Yeh good idea about to her but dh is fuming with her atm as dsd was having a go at dh about me for whatever reason and she just wouldn't tell him what's problem is.

Even dh's sister has had asked her what's wrong as they are close but she just start crying.

Ooh good luck on your new book.

Calico1706 Wed 19-Nov-14 17:03:22

I have a DSS who behaves in a similar fashion. I also have known him since he was a baby.

He still stays with us, but will not come into a room if I am there, has all his meals in his room (his father takes them to him) and has not spoken to me in months. Will not speak to my 2 DC either.

Our situation has been driven by DH's ex. DSS tells all sorts of lies about me to DH and his ex.

I am not sure I can offer any advise, you are not alone. I think it easier to take their anger out on a parent who is not a parent. We just live with it and try to have a happy family life with him in his room, he is missing out.

Maybe you could invite your DSD to supper, where she can see her siblings and can not claim you are not making an effort.

As my Dh says, parenting teenagers is a nightmare, step parenting teenagers is ten times worse, you get all the shit and none of the rewards or love.

teen15 Wed 19-Nov-14 18:44:31

I would say since she was about 8, she wont stay or come into the room I'm in if I'm on my own without her dad. I had a talk with dh the other night and he thinks she wont come into this house again.....which I think it bit far fetched...
But its Xmas soon and I do hope she will snap out of it.......or maybe will have to wait for a long time.

teen15 Sat 22-Nov-14 21:58:42

Well.think the letter is out of the window as dh texted her this week.without my knowledge and asked her to meet up.again but dsd just simply said "isn't it abit too late dad?"...... ???????????????
since then ive spoken to her nan and she said that dsd got an attitude, being lippy etc and told me not to worry as she will snap.out of it and realised the hurt she is causing to everyone. she staying at her friends every weekend so her nan or her mum hardly sees her. dsd's sister who is 11 is starting to turn like her too. that's her nans words.

But still dont know why is she being like this but her mum constantly manipulated things over the years to dsd

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