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My partners child

(7 Posts)
KhloeJay Thu 06-Nov-14 10:45:27

Hi, I've been in a relationship for just over a year now and a month in a girl had come out of the woodwork telling my partner she was having his baby. I was already head over heels and after a lot of consideration I decided to stick by him and support him. The baby is now a few months old and she is amazing however I'm finding it very difficult not to feel slightly jealous? We recently got engaged and I am confident that one day we will have children of our own, I do not feel threatened by the baby's mother at all but can't shake this feeling of jealousy as I had a long time with him when the baby was not around. Is this normal? I don't want to leave and he knows how I feel but sometimes it gets too much. I have a mortgage and a home that we both live in and have come off contraception as we agreed we would be happy. It's been 5 months and nothing.. I was on the pill for 6 years straight and am worried I can not have children now! Please help!

FrauHelga Thu 06-Nov-14 10:46:57

I have a few questions :

What age is the baby now?

Is he living in your house?

How long were you and him together before his ex had the baby?

hokeycokeyyy Thu 06-Nov-14 11:36:19

I think it's perfectly normal to feel jealous. Even just holding a friend's baby can make you broody so I can imagine holding a baby which is your DP's, but not yours, must be sooo hard.

I would just urge you to think about whether a baby is what you really want, and not just an emotional reaction to him having another baby.
I don't mean to sound patronising but a baby is a lifelong commitment and you need to be 100% sure about your future, a year together isn't that long.
I can say this because I got pregnant to someone when the circumstances weren't perfect because I was just so desperate for a baby and I was jealous that he had got his ex pregnant, she had miscarried, but I was jealous of the fact that they nearly had a baby together. It sounds daft I know. But it was a decision made with the heart rather than the head. Although I don't regret having my DS I regret that I didn't wait till I was in a better situation, I deserved better and so did my baby.

But if you are certain it's what you want then go for it.

On average it takes a year to get pregnant and it can take a couple of months for the pill to get out of your system, especially when you've been on it for so long.
There's loads of women on the conception thread with tips and support.
It took me a year of trying to get pregnant with my first and it turned out that I had all the timings wrong.

KhloeJay Sun 09-Nov-14 20:10:27

Wow thank you so much for your responses!! Just reading it has made me feel so much better, I have decided to wait as I want to know it's the right time although I am so broody. It's good to know the feelings are normal. I'm hoping for good things in the future, so thank you thanks hokeyycokeyyy! FrauHelga, the baby is a few months old and we are living together yes it was my house but we are not sharing bills smile we were together a month when we found out about the baby and together 6 when she was born.

KhloeJay Sun 09-Nov-14 20:11:04

We are sharing bills**

needaholidaynow Sun 09-Nov-14 21:08:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

robotroy Mon 17-Nov-14 14:07:38

I agree it's the most normal thing in the world. I felt like that and I definitely knew I didn't even want to have kids! Over time those feelings were replaced with just a huge amount of love for my Stepdaughter.

I think the baby is lucky to have you two in it's life, who want to be a part of it's life and give it love. That's really great.

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